“You are terrible at what you do...”
Telling your partner they are not good enough at what they do; at being a parent or the sole earner of the house or as a lover etc. is just plain wrong. It sounds crueller to them then you intend it to be. ‘Put-downs centered around your spouse’s family or occupational roles are particularly cruel’, said M. Gary Neuman, a psychotherapist based in Miami Beach, Florida. They breed not only seeds of hostility but also of racism and prejudice… even though it might be unintended.
“Negative statements about our self-identities are devastating,” he said. “These roles are so important and tender. When they are questioned, we feel completely torn down. It becomes hard to forget statements like this.” It shows your lack of appreciation on your partner’s side and to the extent of effort they put into being what they are, be it a parent or a breadwinner or lover.
“I really hate it when you do that...”(said in public, especially around friends and family).
‘Putting your spouse down in front of others is a huge no-no in a relationship’ said Whetstone. It makes them feel humiliated in front of others – others who know them – and by their own partner, not any outsider.
True love, respect and appreciation demands wholeheartedly that you defend your partner no matter what – especially when it gets rough. They count on you most of the time to defend them so if you fail to do that, how do you think that would make them feel? Sure, you do not have to like each and everything your spouse does. But nonetheless, that does not, in any way, give you the right to just negate whatever they did or said in front of people, you know? You have to stay on each others’ team no matter what because it’s you both up against the world.
“I do not even know him that well... just someone from work, nothing serious.”
Forming slight infatuations and crushes etc. for someone other than your partner is something that happens to at least one or both the people involved in a relationship at some point; and that is okay. You cannot stop the way your feelings are born, can you?
“It’s almost inevitable that you or your partner will develop a small, innocent crush on someone at some point during your marriage. If that happens, be upfront about it. Don’t try to sweep it under the rug with a statement that minimizes your feelings,” said Wahlgast.
Having committed to one person does not limit you to feel other things for the first time. It’s just that when you do feel them, let your partner in on them so that there can be no misconceptions. *Continue reading on next page*