Please try your best not to make ANY of these mistakes!
Do you remember how amazing things were at the start of your relationship? You did every single thing together. You hung out all the time. You seemed to have all the same interests. And with each passing day, you became more and more convinced that he was ‘the one’.
But that was all before things started to change for the worst. And now you’re just left here wondering what exactly went wrong and where. You’ve been obsessing about it for weeks, just trying to figure out a way to fix everything. But you still haven’t had any luck! You truly love him. You want this one to work out. But the tension between you two just doesn’t seem to disperse.
Why do you think this situation keeps happening to you? Why does every relationship of yours seem to have this exact same story? You start to believe that things are going amazing and then bam! It all hits you like ton of bricks. He starts acting cold and distant. Calls and messages start to become infrequent. And eventually, the end of your relationship arrives, with you still confused about what went wrong.
Unfortunately, a lot of us tend to fall into negative relationship patterns. And even though we never want to admit it out loud, the blame of most of our relationships lies on us. Don’t get me wrong! I am not implying that you should start acting different or pretend to be someone you’re not. But maybe, just a few simple changes to your dating style might help in securing that fairy tale ending you always dreamed of.
Here are 13 common mistakes that end up ruining your relationship:
1. Not trusting your partner
Love can hurt sometimes. But this doesn’t mean that you should keep allowing your past heartbreaks to come in the way of your current relationship. For men, one of the most important foundations of a relationship is trust.
He needs to know that you trust him. You might assume that he’ll understand where you’re coming from when he catches you snooping around his in his phone or ‘accidentally’ going through his Facebook messages the day he forgets to log out of it on your laptop. But this won’t always be the case. He will get annoyed at some point.
He does understand that you were hurt or cheated on in the past. But you have to understand as well. You have to start accepting that he isn’t the man who did all of those bad things to you. And every new relationship requires you to start with a fresh slate. It’s not fair on your guy if you start making him pay for all the hurtful things an ex did to you.
And no matter how understanding he may be, he will only allow this to keep happening for so long before he starts looking for someone who doesn’t scrutinize every move he makes.
2. Not Being Appreciative
In the beginning, just a simple flower or a chocolate from him made you feel over the moon excited. And it never mattered how big or small of a gift he gave you. Even a single rose from him was enough to make you write out a long love letter about how absolutely wonderful he is. I know you still like the things he does for you but your excitement just isn’t the same anymore.
Have you noticed how he has stopped going out of his way to do all of the cute and thoughtful things he used to do for you? Well, I guess that’s pretty common after you’ve been together long enough…right? Umm, not really! The truth is your excitement and happiness in the past made him feel that you really love the things he does for you. But now that the enthusiasm isn’t there, he doesn’t really see any point in continuing with them.
He feels like you’ve started taking him for granted. Just take out a minute and think about the first time he surprised you or did something unexpected. It felt incredible, right? Now try to keep those emotions alive at all times. Channel them into the way you treat your partner. And you’ll see how he starts surprising you again just to see the smile that lights up his life.
3. Comparing Your Relationship to Someone Else’s
This is essentially a cardinal sin in all relationships. And now with the advance of social media in our lives, it has become a little too easy to constantly make comparisons with others in every single aspect of our lives, including our relationship. Your friend’s boyfriend might be known for all his grand romantic gestures.
So you thought it was a good idea to gush over her boyfriend in front of your own guy just to make him do the same things for you. But that is never a good idea! By comparing him to another guy, you’re just making him feel insecure and making him think that he’s not good enough for you.
In addition to this, you might start resenting your guy just because you feel like your relationship isn’t living up to the seemingly perfect ones that you keep seeing all over Facebook.
Let’s get one thing straight first- no relationship in the world is perfect. And it doesn’t matter if someone’s relationship looks like it is or if Sarah’s boyfriend just lavished her with roses, wine, and a candle light dinner.
For all you know, he might just be doing all this to make up for cheating on her. No one is ever going to disclose the negative aspects of their relationship to you, especially not on their public profiles. Stop worrying about what all the other couples are doing. And start working on making your relationship as amazing as possible.
4. Constant Nagging
Nagging is one of the most sure-shot and quickest ways to end a relationship. With time, we all end up finding little things about our partners that drive us crazy. But we all need to pick and choose our battles.
Before you decide to yell at him again for leaving the toilet seat up, maybe just put it back down yourself and forget about it. Yes, sometimes it’s absolutely necessary to bring something to his attention but if the majority of your conversations start revolving around the things you wish he could do or stop doing, then you’re just pushing him out the door.
You are both adults. And there is no good reason for you to start acting like his mother and to constantly nag him about things. Give your guy a break. Nobody is perfect. And if you truly can’t stand the things he does, then maybe you shouldn’t be with him at all.
But if you really want to make this relationship work, try being a bit more laid back. Start acting less like his mom and more like his girlfriend.
5. Over Reacting
Which girl hasn’t ever been guilty of this one? You were out for a movie and he stared just a little too long at the hot girl standing in the popcorn line. Or maybe you caught him smiling at the hot waitress who was obviously flirting with him from the minute she came to take the order. What actually happened doesn’t really matter here. What matters is how you over reacted about it.
Look, I completely get it. No girl wants her guy checking someone else out or casually flirting, but it can still happen. And it can happen to any one of us. And it will feel easy to just get angry and start taking these little things personally- things that he probably didn’t even realize he was doing. But it’s also just as easy to laugh them off or to not freak about over them.
Instead of accusing, yelling, or storming out of the restaurant, try making a joke and teasing him about it. He will actually feel embarrassed and probably won’t do it again, which means you won’t have to fight over something that really wasn’t a big deal to begin with. It’s a win-win situation for both.
6. Acting Selfish
It’s okay to act a little bit selfish at times. But if you’re in a committed relationship, you should always try to compromise as much as possible. I know this sucks but it’s not just about you anymore. You and your guy are supposed to be a team.
Instead of constantly focusing on yourself, the things you want, and the things that would make you happy, try looking at things from his point of view as well.
A relationship is all about give and take. It requires two people with similar goals and ideas coming together and working hard towards making things work. This won’t always be easy but it will definitely be worth it!
7. Focusing on the Negative
Every relationship goes through some rough patches. Things can’t stay perfect at all times. But the trick is to never get stuck in a rut where you just can’t seem to see the positive things your partner is bringing to the table.
Focusing on the negative will never do you any good. In fact, it will only end up making you both even more miserable. If he bought white roses but you prefer red, don’t get annoyed because he should have known about the ones you wanted. Instead, try to look at the good side-he brought you flowers! Does the color even matter? He went out of his way to make you feel special. You should know how to appreciate that.
Don’t keep belittling him and pointing out all the things that he did wrong. Because if you keep focusing on all the negative things, he will eventually get tired of being put down and might end up leaving.
8. Getting Too Comfortable
When you’ve been with someone long enough, everything starts to feel more comfortable. And it should. But there’s a thin line between being comfortable with your partner and being TOO comfortable with your partner.
Having the comfort of cuddling on the couch in your pajamas is an amazing point in a relationship. You don’t panic anymore if he sees you without makeup and you don’t feel the pressure of dressing up all the time.
When your guy tells you how beautiful you look in your pj’s and messy bun, he really means it. But that doesn’t mean you should give up on ever looking nice for him again. Feel free to dress down on your stay at home movie nights.
But when he plans out a fancy dinner date after changes, put in some effort to look good or at least change out of the clothes you’ve been wearing for two days.
9. Losing Yourself in the Relationship
When you’re in a relationship, it gets easy to start ignoring your friends, stop doing your hobbies or the things that interested you, and essentially just give up on the life you were living before you met your guy.
You really love him and you hope to be the best girlfriend he’s ever had. You’ve even mapped out the entire course of your lives together and you would do absolutely anything to make it all come true. And spending all of your time together might seem like the best idea at this point. But if you do that, things will start to get boring real fast.
You might have found Mr. Right but you can’t just forget who you are. Maintaining all your past interests and friendships is still very important. If you don’t, he might start thinking that you’re too clingy and run off or you might start to resent him somewhere down the road.
10. Not Investing in the Relationship
You already have him. So why should you even bother to do all those things you used to that got him attracted to you in the first place? You’re sure he isn’t going anywhere now so it’s time to focus on yourself, your own life, and your own interests. You just can’t find the extra time to do things for him like you used to.
You’ve become a busy woman. But if you actually want this relationship to work, you NEED to put some time and effort into it. He should know that he’s your top priority in life, and not just something you’ll try to fit in to your busy schedule if you find time. You used to take out the time to do things with him. You wanted to spend more and more of your day with him. In fact, you always looked forward to it.
It’s still possible to do all of that. You need to continue taking out time for your man and invest in this relationship, regardless of how long you’ve been with him. Otherwise, this relationship is just going to move towards a slow and painful death.
11. Acting Insecure
Some amount of insecurity can creep up on each one of us from time to time but you should never let it get the best of you. If you keep feeling like you’re not good enough and like your partner deserves someone better, it’s only going to make your relationship suffer.
Even though your boyfriend loves telling you how beautiful you are, you still keep having a hard time believing it. So you keep putting yourself down and you’re constantly fishing for compliments. But he’s eventually going to get tired of trying to build up your self-esteem. And then he’ll move on to a person with a healthier ego.
There’s only so much a person can take before they actually give up. So if you constantly seek praise and reassurance from him, you’re just going to push him away. Your insecurity isn’t just acting as the cause of your low confidence; it’s also placing an unnecessary pressure on your guy to constantly make you feel better about yourself.
If you hope to have a healthy relationship with someone, you need to start loving yourself first.
Anyone who claims they’ve never acted jealous in a relationship is probably lying to you. It can happen to all of us from time to time, especially when the hot girl at his work place seems to have eyes on your guy.
But jealousy can cross a certain line when it escalates from simply feeling a bit possessive to downright accusations of him cheating on you every time he even looks at another girl.
Trust is one of the most essential aspects of any relationship. Your partner needs to know that you trust him. And if he feels like you don’t, he’ll just pull away and find someone who can.
13. Bringing Your Friends into Your Problems
Arguments and fights are bound to happen in every relationship, regardless of how perfect it actually is. If you start running to your friends at the slightest sign of trouble instead of talking things out with your partner, you end up doing double the harm.
Your friends love you and they are always going to take your side, no matter whose fault it is. And if you keep complaining about all the negative aspects of your relationship, they will end up forming an unfair and biased opinion of your boyfriend. This means they won’t really like him and will encourage you to look for someone better.
I get it. Your friends are your support system. They always have your back and you always go to them when you need to talk things out. But in the case of a relationship, you should always try focusing on the positive parts when you’re talking to your friends. The personal details of your relationship should always remain between you and your guy only.
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What are some of your worst regrets about your past relationships? Let me know in the comments below!