Should cheating be forgiven?
The worst way to get your heart-broken: get cheated on by the person you love. It hurts as if somebody stabbed you in the back and you feel like laughing with them because you were so stupid to not see the stab coming. It hurts but we try our best to get over those feelings, sometimes by flushing out the cheaters out of our lives and sometimes by forgiving them and forgetting they ever did something like that.
We humans love dearly, so dearly that we are able to look over people’s mistakes to save the relationship we have with them. Before you decide to forgive, if you have been cheated on, read these 15 questions, they will help you take a decision.
1. Is Cheating Their Habit?
Was it more than once? Or was it just once? It matters. When we are doing something wrong, we become the greatest justices of the act and justify it in every way possible; lust blinds us. But if we get used to doing wrong things then our conscience needs washing.
If they cheated on you once and are deeply, truly sorry about it, you should consider forgiving them. If they have done it before, more than once, then we suggest you walk away without paying heed to what they have to say.
2. What Kind of Cheating Was It?
We had to ask this question because some people consider flirting and even having a close male/female friend cheating too. So, first of all, know what actually counts as cheating and then assess the situation. And if they did cross the limits according to you, try to see the reason behind it.
Is your relationship with them plain and dry and they wanted to have fun so they kissed a co-worker unable to control their urge? Are you emotionally unattached to them and all they needed was someone to be close to? If the situation can be dealt with, try to.
3. Did they do it again?
When the first time you forgave them and accepted their apology, they promised they would never look away again. Did they keep that promise? It is necessary you ask yourself this question because you built your trust back up the first time when they broke it, doing it a second time can take a lot of your energy which you might not even have left.
So if the act was done once and was out of innocent desperation, try to forgive and if you do not find it in you to forgive it, don’t.
4. Was It a One-Night Cheat?
Again, it could have been lust taken over them. If waking up the next morning, the first thing they decided to do was to tell you because the guilt of doing it was killing them, consider accepting the apology. If it was not just the one night but is actually something serious going on the side, dump them.
A person who has the balls to keep two men/women in the dark deserves no second chance. Don’t even cry over them; your tears are worth more than their conscious mistakes.
5. Who did they cheat with?
This prospect of the affair might not matter too much to you as the mere fact that they cheated would be enough to break your heart but on a deeper level, it might help you decide if you are considering forgiving them. Was it someone close? Was it one of your friends or the maid or an old friend?
Or was it some prostitute or someone you have never heard of? Pay attention to this little detail if you find it in your heart to consider forgiving them.
6. Would You Have Done It?
We are no saints but sinners. What we do wrong while judging a situation is that we fail to see the other person’s side of the story. Would you have done the same if you were in the same circumstances as them? Would your mind have slipped and let lust take over every moral and principle?
If you find even a little ‘yes’ echoing in your heart then try to forgive them, of course, only if they are truly sorry. We are not perfect and neither are the mistakes that we make.
7. Can You Deal With It?
If you are deciding to forgive the culprit, know that the situation between you two will take time to get back on track. After a trauma, the effects of it take long to fade away and things get back to normal over time. Ask yourself if you have got enough time and potential to work on the mess or not.
If you are willing to put everything back in place, go on. If you do not think that you can gather the time and energy to clean up the mess they made then move on.
8. Is It Easy To Forget?
Sometimes, forgetting is more difficult than forgiving. If you have decided to forgive them, it is possible that you may not be able to forget what they did. You will not stop loving them, of course, like Rachel never did when Ross cheated on her, but forgetting might be impossible to do.