How did you feel like when you got into a heated discussion with your partner? What was your reaction? Did you start to yell at them, call them stuff, complain about things related to them or just left the room and sat somewhere in silence? And then, how was your reaction when the other person attempted to clarify what the problem really was, did you get defensive at that moment or alternately would you say you were ready to joke around and help calm things down?
Every couple fights at one point or another, the only thing that differentiates the couples in this regard is how they deal with the argument afterwards. Furthermore, the way a couple deals with these arguments plays quite a vital role in the future of their relationship.
A research was published about what NOT to do in arguments with your partners, if you really want a happy future with them. This research was published by John Gottman after watching couples argue about different things, in the end he concluded “the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”, which are as follows:
The first one: Criticism
If a person doesn’t feel comfortable about a certain thing in his/her relationship and he/she tries to complain about it, then it can be okay to some extent, it can actually be healthy as well in a relationship if done the right way. It only becomes wrong when the complaining part transforms into criticizing. A complaint concentrates on the incident or conduct you want to be changed, while criticizing someone is kind of a personal attack. When you wind up summing up that your partner “always” or "never" accomplishes something, you are in the criticizing zone.
For instance, I might need to tell my spouse that I think that it’s irritating that we don't travel regularly. I could simply let him know that I wish that we voyaged more. Alternately, I could point the finger at him for this issue and say, "We never travel since you are always busy and couldn't care less about my hobbies."
Now here’s what you should do: Try to complain without blaming them and let them know that you are upset about something. Avoid using the words, “never” and “always”. *Continue reading to next page*