Sitting by the lake, a couple smiles at each other as they hold hands and appreciate the calmness and beauty of nature.
“I feel like you’re actually just infatuated.”
“Are you absolutely sure that this isn’t just a part of your experimenting phase?”
“It might just be hormones. Have you slept with him?”
A lot of people, and more specifically women, have heard these replies when they tell someone they’re in love.
And it’s quite understandable why a person might end up questioning this kind of claim. At times, people do end up mistaking between love and lust. For example, that creepy guy who kept on asking you out in college, then gave you a guilt trip for saying no, and finally claimed that he was doing it all because he was in love with you probably wasn’t actually acting out of love at all. That was all just an act of misogynistic entitlement.
But when you tell a person that they’re not actually in love, you’re teaching them to not trust their own feelings and emotions. And you’re invalidating their life experiences- especially in the instances where their experiences don’t match your set and narrow definitions of true love.
Here are a few reasons why we frequently tell people they’re not in love- and why the time has come to start questioning this negative reasoning.
1. Because They have Just Met
People often say that love at first sight can’t be real- only lust can! And it’s actually true that you can’t possibly know at first sight if a person will be compatible with you or if they would respect and love you the way you want.
But this doesn’t imply that it’s not possible to feel love for a person you have just met.
At times, we actually do develop a deep sense of affection and love for people- romantic partners as well as friends- in a very short time period.
After all, doesn’t a parent love their child from the very minute they’re born? And no one ever questions whether they’ve taken out the time to know each other first. - Continue reading on next page