Everything has its good side and its bad side. To focus on just one is plain exaggeration. Therefore, when we talk about the positive effects of something in life, we should not neglect its negative sides for they, too, have a major impact on our lives.
Now, let us take something pretty common, widely discussed and also greatly adapted by majority of the people today. So is it just restricted to candle-lit dinners and sweet gifts on Valentine’s Day and words of affection shared between two people and so forth?
Well, of course not. There are thorns in those roses given on Valentine’s Day too; promises are broken too; tears lather faces more than smiles do; pain and anxiety remains dominant as compared to happiness and love.
Hence, like all else, relationships too have a good side as well as a bad side. Reality is hard to accept at times, yes. But it is better to acknowledge its dual nature – the presence of bad alongside good and vice versa – if you want to grow as a person.
Not all relationships are good or end good, a lot of relationships actually bring out the negativity in people, a lot of relationships do more harm than good. Today, I’m going to talk about negative relationships, the ones where people actually start hating themselves and the direction they’re taking, some negative relationships also leave a scar on people, a scar that is never healed and always stays with them no matter where they go or what they become. This is sort of a warning article, warning signs that tell you that you’re in a very negative relationship and you need to run. Let’s begin.
6. You feel more suffocated each day
You are known by the company you keep, or so they say. If the person you spend most of your personal time with is a pessimist, it is surely going to affect you too. When you’re with someone who’s filled with negativity, it starts rubbing off on you and you start feeling suffocated because of it. Even if the person you’re with isn’t necessarily evil or bad, it still has a lot of impact on your life directly because you two share a life together. You slowly feel more suffocated each passing day, you feel as if your life has no meaning and your efforts are in vain. You don’t need that sort of energy in your life.
A relationship is supposed to enhance your life, not break your soul. If you feel suffocated, you need to walk away before it does any permanent damage. You deserve to be with someone who makes you see the sun a bit brighter, who makes you appreciate life a bit better and who just makes it worth living, not worth hating. It is very easy to see the negativity of life and reality. But to see the positive side of things, now that takes guts. So if your puts a blindfold onto your perception, preventing you to see life’s positivity, you should not be with them.
5. You feel like they’re changing you
Someone who truly loves you will never try to change you.
True love requires acceptance, complete acceptance of the person you’re with, acceptance of their strengths as well as their weaknesses. You can’t fall in love with someone with the sole intention of making them into someone they’re not and don’t want to be. “Love” means to compromise, to accept, not to reject and to complain and to change. Don’t get me wrong, some people do get changed in relationships, but it’s a good kind of change. I stopped smoking because of my girlfriend. I would never call that a bad change, it’s for my own health and for a better future with her. So that sort of change is okay, not when people try changing the person you are, that is not a good sign in that relationship.
Hearts do not measure love by time or anything, but by transformations… the good kind. So if your partner constantly tells you to not watch the sort of movies you do, or not to play football and basketball instead, or to be an extrovert and not an introvert, it is a toxic relationship and you ought to free yourself from it.
4. You can’t be expressive
Do you find yourself being less and less expressive with your partner? It may be because of the way they treat you and your feelings. When you’re with someone who shuns the idea of being expressive and just doesn’t care about feelings, it also has a huge effect on the other person too and they slowly start becoming inexpressive with their partner and friends. Don’t be in a relationship where you have to think twice about being expressive or explaining your feelings. Be with someone who loves your expressiveness, who embraces it, who makes you become more expressive, who brings that person out from you and makes you more comfortable with the way you want to be.
It should be the other way round, actually: your partner should want you to always express yourself. The more you express, the better they will know about how you feel, what they did that made you feel that way so that they can change it, and so on.
3. You’re scared of trusting them again
This happens when you’re in a “dragged relationship”. When trust goes out the window, it takes a lot of effort and hard work to heal it and bring it back to life again, but most people fail at it and still try being “together” for whatever reason. Don’t be with someone if you’re scared of giving them your trust because they’ve broken it so many times before and always come back apologizing and asking for forgiveness only to break it again and hurt you again. Be with someone who you can trust with your eyes wide shut, someone you won’t have to think twice about.
Trust is one of the pillars of every relationship, without which there is no relationship. It takes a lifetime to build it, but just a moment to break it. One of the saddest things is knowing you are not worth telling the truth to. If you remain with someone who is hard to trust, you will be subjecting yourself to a state of self-denial; in the sense that you will be giving them your trust and they go and break it, every time. So that way, you will be denying your right to loyalty and honesty from your partner. That is something very destructive if held on to for long. Most of the times, trust issues can take a relationship towards the downward spiral. So it should be avoided.
2. Arguments last forever
Arguments are a normal part of every relationship. Arguments happen when two people try sharing one life together. It is bound to happen, it’s very natural. But it is not okay if the arguments get out of hand, if they happen every other day and if they just do not seem to end. Arguments are not supposed to be dragged, fights are not supposed to be remembered, proper closure is very important after every argument or fight. You two had a fight? Talk it out, discuss your points, apologize to each other and just end the fight, do not drag it and certainly never repeat any fights from the past in your current fights. If you are in a relationship where the arguments last forever, it is not healthy for you.
Carrying an argument or fight for long with your partner is kind of an immature thing to do. When you two fight or argue but end up apologizing and getting things back to normal, it shows you both value your relationship that much. When things get tough and your partner seems to be throwing all that you both has built together as a couple, instead of giving it time and fixing the issue… do you really think you ought to be with such a person? The matter speaks for itself.
1. You feel like you are being used
It is one of the most horrible places to be in when you are being used by someone, when you feel like they are with you merely for personal gain and they do not cherish you like they should, they just make you feel like you are important from time to time but their real motive is very clear to you and you are just too scared to admit it. Relationships are not only about “give and take”, sometimes they can be about all give and no take. They are about selflessness, when you can just “be” with someone, be there for them without asking for anything in return, that is what love is and that is how relationships last. You do not deserve to be used by anyone, so be with someone who cherishes your presence more than anything else.
If you feel like your partner only cares for you when it is convenient, it is indicative they do not really know and understand your worth; they just see you as a revolving door they can slide through any moment. If they really knew your worth, they would give you without asking for anything in return simply because they know you deserve it. They would not use you for their personal benefits. In fact, they would make you feel like you do more than enough for them, without you really having to do anything. If you get such vibes from your partner, it is a sure sign you should leave them.
Reality is a shattered mirror, so you ought to pick it up carefully. Do not let the distorted visions it represents to you fool you into thinking they are the complete picture. You will be holding all this baggage in your life, but for whom? So lay those bags of bricks down, do not let anything tiring and mentally draining weigh you down and just walk away from whatever prevents you from becoming the best version of yourself, nothing more or less.