As much as we want our relationships to be perfect, they really can’t be. Nothing as perfection really exists, it is a mixture of the two, of being content and the kind of choices we make in life.
In any case, we fail at a few points and we succeed at a few. Either way, we come out of the experience with a new lesson, every time.
I have had a fair share of falls and, well, less successes in my past but that’s all right because the best lessons are learned when you fall and you have no other choice but to take the only thing that is being offered to you, the lesson, and make peace with it.
I've learned some painfully hard yet amazingly helpful lessons in my life through the relationships I have had and here are the lessons I have come down to.
Lessons I have abided by and have successfully reached a point where I am content with myself and my amazing partner.
1. Do not expect a prince charming or a queen of hearts
Your expectations actually discourage your partner to a great level. When someone constantly falls short of doing something for you, try and think differently. Maybe it is really you who is being unconditionally over demanding. Hard to hear, I know, but that is the truth sometimes.
Do NOT over-burden your partner with so many expectations that they start failing at everything, even the things they knew they could do or perform for you.
2. Not everybody tells the truth
The harsh truth is many of us will compromise on our morals to get what we want. At times, you are not someone’s conscious decision, at times, you are a rebound, at times, you are just a booty call.
Don’t let your heart break by expecting some people to be decent enough and don’t break someone’s heart by doing that.
3. They don’t love you if they don’t respect you
You can lie all you want to yourself but you know in the heart of your heart that someone who truly loves you will respect you, in front of others as well as when the two of you are alone.
They will respect your life goals, your words, your choices, your body and especially your emotions. Don’t think someone who doesn’t respect you will eventually start doing it.
4. People will take you for granted if you keep on compromising
Now, there is a fine line that you walk on when it comes to compromises. The key is to strike a balance, don’t compromise too much and don’t compromise too little. As harsh as the reality is, we can’t deny that the people who love us the most will take us for granted more than anyone.
Sometimes, you have got to guide your partner into not letting you compromise on a few things and let yourself be guided by your partner.
Sometimes, things are easier if we stop considering each other as machines and accept that there are things one can do and not do. Let their words and actions be the manual for you to read what you can compromise on and on what you really shouldn’t.
5. Some people will try and ruin your relationship
As hard as it is for you to believe, some people just can’t help but envy your relationship. They just can’t stand something that you have and they don’t. Such people often turn out to be your closest friends. Friends, whom you probably go for advice and pouring-your-heart-out sessions.
Know that you should carefully evaluate every advice you start implementing in your relationship. Remember, no one knows your partner better than you so no one other than you would know the best thing to do for your partner.
6. Hard times in life will actually show who really loves you
Even the people you have been with for many years will leave you in a heartbeat, if they feel something happening to you might even remotely cause them harm. Embrace these moments of enlightenment, thank the fact that such moments are in your life to filter out all those who don’t deserve all that genuine care and love you had for them.
At times you do things for people that they would never do for you, that is the brutal truth. So when you do something for someone, do not expect the same from them, in fact, do not expect any kind of return. This will surprise you if you do get something in return and will not leave you disappointed when you don’t.
7. Words have the power to cause deeper harm than actions
A relationship can revive after fights but often people can’t forget what their partners have said.
In that moment of anger, when the two are spitting venom just because they are hurt, they say things that they might not mean. We say the meanest things possible in the argument but we really are stooping lower and lower with every harsh word we say to our partners.
Break cutlery, go out and don’t come home for a day, punch the wall, do everything but don’t say something you don’t mean. You can bring back a new dinner set. You can always come back home the next day. You can always repair that hole in the wall. BUT you cannot fix a broken heart. So don’t cause unrepairable damage if you truly love someone.
8. People judge you, they form opinions! And you stop them
Sorry to pop that bubble but not every person in this world minds their own business. They will judge you and they will form opinions over assumptions. You can’t let them affect you or your relationship.
‘Oh, he didn’t get you a fancy gift on your birthday!’
‘You could have done better than her’
All these words are painful only if you let them affect you. If you and your partner truly love each other and are happy, FORGET THE WORLD! Don’t let, what they think of the two of you drive your present and future.
9. Some people can never learn from their mistakes
Not everyone is as good as others when it comes to learning from mistakes, some people don't learn at all. Some people actually enjoy the "mistakes" they make and will happily go back and do it again as many times as they can. Be very careful when you give someone second chances, I've been there and I got hurt the second time.
It was more painful than the first because. I'm not saying this applies on everyone, but a lot of people I know have gone through the same pain and they all have a lot of regrets for giving someone a second chance.
In short, just be cautious. Even if you are in love, even if you believe in the goodness of the world, there is no harm in being careful and always appreciate when someone does good to you, trust me, there aren’t many people who would do that.
Talk to me
What are the lessons you've learned from life? Let me know in the comments below. And as always, stay blessed and keep the love alive!