When all the doors between you and me had closed and all our bridges had burnt, I wished that I had never met you. I wished that I could get back all the time and love I gave you. It hurt me to think of you, and even now, sometimes when I am at my lowest, it still does. I went through endless cycles of guilt and self loathing. I used to ask myself, why did it end? Did I hurt you? Did you hate me? Should I have had tried to make it work? All this doubt shrouded every waking moment of my life.
Now though, I have come to love myself. There is this beautiful feeling that comes with loving yourself that I find hard to express because there is no fixed way to express it. But, I want to give it a try, for you. Most of our problems stem from insecurities and those insecurities hold us back. They hold us back from realizing our worth and our potential, they weigh us down with all these insignificant things that won’t even matter in a few days or months or years. But once we come to love ourselves those insecurities fall away like dust and oh how beautiful is that feeling. I feel liberated, lighter, happier, guilt-free.
I have spent so much time after we both went our separate ways, blaming myself for not being good enough to keep you. Do you remember that time I cried when your friends told you I wasn’t good enough for you? I do. Every second of that day is etched into my memory like carvings in stone. You never told me they were wrong; you just told me that it didn’t matter, that it was irrelevant.
And, like the stupid lovestruck girl that I was, I believed you. I swallowed your words like I would water. I reassured myself that even though I wasn’t good enough, it didn’t matter because you said so. But, I was good enough; oh how could I be so stupid as to think I wasn’t. Hell, I was more than good enough. That was one, stupid little insecurity of mine that you fed. I now know my worth. – Continue reading on next page