Here's to the time when he saw you crying and said, "Get over it".
Here's to the time when he saw you crying and said, "Get over it", to the time when he made fun of your insecurities, to the time he told you that you needed to alter your appearance because he felt like you were ruining his 'image' and who can forget the time when people told you that you should suck it up because, "this isn't abuse". Here's to all that crap.
Let's get one thing straight, no one knowingly enters an abusive relationship. So, if you think that your friend should suck it up, then you're not worth calling a friend. She didn't know he'd be like this. Heck! She didn't ask for this. She saw a loving man she thought she could end up with, who'd be there for her night or day and whom she could confide in. Abuse isn't what anyone signs up for.
Everyone deserves their shot at a perfect relationship. I say this because everyone has a different definition of perfection. For some, it's traveling around the world while for others it's staying at home in a nice suburban neighborhood. The part where a woman feels dejected and lost isn't perfect by anyone's definition.
The reason why people don't consider mental or verbal abuse as 'actual' abuse is because people don't associate harm with anything other than whatever leaves a mark on a person’s body. Do not think like that, please. If you broaden the definition of abuse then you'll be shocked as to how many people in your life are in or were in an abusive relationship. It might not leave a mark on your body, but it sure does leave a mark on how you think.
Let's circle back to the people who have actually faced this sort of abuse. The question is- why? Why can't these people exit these relationships? Why are they still with such a toxic person? The reason why is because people lose their ability to think clearly. Abuse quite often goes unnoticed because partners believe that they deserve all the slack they're getting. They're manipulated into thinking that it was their fault.
Women need to realise their worth is sky-high and that no man should treat them any less. They deserved to be loved and cared for. They need to have a man who will be there for them and listen to their problems. They shouldn't have to hide their feelings out of fear of what their partner might say. Love is essential; it is the basic foundation of a relationship.
Here are a few signs of an abusive relationship:
1. You're criticized:
You think twice before doing anything out of fear of what he might say. What will he think? Will he like it? Will he get mad? These entire questions circle through your mind and you're left conflicted in every decision you make. Basically, you're handing over your ability to make your own decisions into his hands.
2. You can't express your feelings:
Everyone has an opinion about everything; however, you aren't allowed to express those opinions. Even if he's extremely wrong about something, you're expected to just shut up. If you say anything, he gets mad. Even in matters which concern you, you aren't allowed to have a voice. There's literally no outlet to let go of all of the things you're holding inside.
3. He keeps himself on a pedestal:
Your boyfriend doesn't understand what it takes to make a relationship work. He just knows what it takes to make a girl fall in love with him, not how to maintain or allow a relationship to grow. He's the sort of person who makes you feel worthless all the while making himself sound like the greatest person on the planet.
He acts like you can't do any better than him, like he's the best you'll ever get. He makes you feel like you shouldn't leave him simply because of the fact that you'll be lost. As if he's your guardian angel. Do you know what the absolute worst part about all of this? You'll believe it. You'll actually convince yourself that he's right and that this is how it's going to be. You'll just have to bear it.
4. You have nowhere to go:
On some days, you might actually break out of his 'I love you, I hate you' spell and want to go as far away from him as possible. However, there comes a time when you realise that the most frightening part wasn't to hold on; it was to let go.
Your family, your friends have been antagonized to such an extent that you feel like you have no one left. You felt like he was the guy to love you and to care for you, yet he wasn't and apparently since there's nowhere to go, you feel lost. You might even feel lost mentally. I'm not saying that abuse victims are weak; they just need rehabilitation of sorts.
Abuse is abuse no matter what anyone says. If you feel like you can relate to each and every sign given in this list, then honey, get away from your partner because he is a monster. Everyone deserves to be loved and to be cared for.
Talk to me
Have you been in a mentally-abusive relationship? Tell me about it in the comments down below!