What is a sociopath, you may be wondering? Sociopaths are more than what you see on the news. They aren’t just rapists or serial killers you see on televisions. They can be more than that and are all around you, disguised as your family members, friends, colleagues, and even someone you consider your soul mate. All you have to do is catch a glimpse of them under the mask on their faces. The hardest part is to distinguish them because they hide under the façade of being well groomed, mannered, charming and oh-so loving. It is a complex personality disorder hand in hand with compulsive lying and manipulation.
Being in love with a sociopath is never going to end well. It is going to crush you and exhaust you to the very core, leaving you feeling vulnerable and broken, and unable to trust anyone. Being in a relationship means more than just having fun, loving one another and enjoying each other’s company, it’s about being honest and open about your true feelings, about being there for your other half through highs and lows, about respecting one another, having that special bond that you feel with no one else, that level of trust you establish, loving not just the good parts but also the dark parts of your significant other. With a sociopath, you can never have that sort of a relationship because it is all based on deception and lies and fantasies that they create in your head. They are going to make you doubt yourself and kill your self-esteem, making you believe that they are all you have and make you want to break all ties with everyone in your life.
A sociopath is going to make you have the time of your life; their world would be moving too fast and burning too bright, saying just the right things and doing just the right things. At first, they will be your knight in shining armour, always there for you, making you fall under their spell. They are going to be the first ones to confess their undying love for you, and how they can’t imagine life without you, painting pictures in your head that are nothing more than just fantasies.
I was once with a sociopath and I can tell you, it was wonderful in the beginning. I had never felt that rush of emotions before. It was amazing. But it left me wondering where I stood when he left me. He made me break ties with everyone I loved and cherished, all my friends. He made my world revolve around him as if he was the sun, and all I needed was him and no one else. He used to talk to me about everything and anything. He got under my skin, told me things I wanted to hear. And when I was with him, he made me feel like a princess, nothing could be more perfect than him and I when we were together, he made me feel on top of the world.
But that came crashing down. There were times when he would talk to me 24/7, and times when he’d be completely MIA. He’d be gone for hours and days at times, and when I’d question him, he’d just make up some lame excuse about work or friends and I’d forgive him in a flash. After all, what mattered was that he was back. The fishiest part was the parade of female friends he’d have when I wasn’t even allowed to talk to anyone else but him. I’m ashamed to admit, he had me wrapped around his little finger, I was under his spell, and I didn’t even realise it. He would talk to me like I was trash, and the next moment he would give me a heartfelt apology and my heart would just melt. He knew of the effect he had on me, he had the upper hand. He made me feel as if he was the trophy and I should feel indebted to him somehow because he was with someone as unworthy and undeserving of him as I was. I felt like everything that went wrong was my fault and was continuously apologizing for everything. I was not good enough, happy enough, loving enough, giving enough, brave enough, when in reality, it was all him. I used to wonder how the devil could be someone who looks so much like an angel when he smiles at me.
Loving a sociopath is hard. They will constantly keep telling you that they love you, when actually they’re just constantly checking whether you love them. This is because they needs you to love them, because that makes you weak and vulnerable, so that they can stay in control of you. They’re like predators, they love playing with their prey.
The truth is, what you experienced with a sociopath was actually you falling in love with yourself, because a sociopath is just a reflection of you and the person you’d ideally want for yourself. They’re actually just showing you exactly what you want to see. And when the illusion fades, you see them for who they truly are and at that point, the relationship will lose its perfection.
What I did was cut all contact with him and started bringing my life back on track. I realized that I deserved much more than that and that I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t know what love was because he was capable of such human emotions. I wanted more than just a physical connection; I wanted a more intimate, emotional connection with my better half, someone who truly deserved to be called my better half.
I came to the conclusion that sociopaths put stipulations on their love. As long as they feel you are ‘behaving’ as they demand, as long as you are not flirting with anyone they do not know, as long as you must provide financial support, and as long as you realise your needs and wants are not important, as long as you continue to be the puppet on the invisible string then the sociopath will love you.
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Have you been with a sociopath? How did you find out and how did you end it? Let me know in the comments below. And as always, stay blessed and keep the love alive!