Yes, I am scared. Yes, I am frightened of a future without you. But cutting you out of my life completely is much easier than having to bear the sadness of having you in my life as just a friend.
Over the course of our relationship, or whatever you choose to call it, I have been slowly building up a few ideas in my head. These ideas have led me to this dreadful and unfortunate realization: I love exactly where we are and what we have at this very moment, but you don’t feel the same way. I guess I’ve always known it since the start, but it took me some time to build up the courage to come to terms with the fact that you and I aren’t operating on the same wavelengths. You and I aren’t exactly sharing similar perspectives on the dynamics of whatever is going on between us; and it breaks my heart on a daily basis.
It was evident whenever I used to drop you off at your house. We would have the radio on full blast, and we would be belting out our favorite tunes to the best of our abilities. My heart was full and my smile was its widest during those moments. I knew in that moment, that a kiss was imminent. I knew in my heart that this was the night I would finally get to taste those beautiful lips of yours. So when we finally reached your place and I placed the car in neutral, I looked up at you with only one thing in mind. Unfortunately, when my eyes met yours, I could tell right away that you weren’t thinking about what I was thinking about. My heart shattered into a million pieces in a matter of milliseconds. I forced a smile and salvaged whatever was left of my pride by greeting you a good night. I had overplayed the scenario in my head once again. I sensationalized reality to the point where it never met my expectations. I was too far into my own fictional fantasies of what we were, I ended up getting blindsided by the truth of the moment.- Continue reading on the next page