Every girl I know has whined to me at one point or the other about how dating is so damn hard/sucks/is the complete worst/makes her want to be a nun! And this uphill battle of discovering any compatible prospective partners in our life has only become harder with all these new age dating apps that more or less end up leading you towards the exact opposite of what you wanted.
But have you ever thought about the absolute worst concept that has surfaced in the past few years over the single world? The “hanging out” epidemic! The current generation of 20 somethings has played its part in leaving behind the traditional dating concepts, only to stay confused about whether they’re in an actual relationship or “just hanging out”.
If you’re a girl who hopes to never get caught up in this state of ambiguity again, and if your only wish is to find an honest and real relationship, just try out these five simple tactics.
Deactivate all the free “dating” apps in your phone
Tinder, OkCupid, even Hinge (Because, really, how much is this crap ever going to help you?). If you’re truly serious about sharing an actual and meaningful relationship with someone, there’s a very high chance that trying to find something like that through all these free apps will be a huge waste of your time and efforts.
I’m not saying that no one has ever been able to find true love or at least some kind of love through these apps, but I’m pretty sure that the ratio of awkward and mostly sexual encounters to long-lasting and fulfilling relationships through these apps is not even close to being even. Most of the people who use these apps are horny, bored, or just not willing to place any real efforts.
They’re just people who want to pass some time, so don’t get all pissed when your new prospect’s idea of a perfect date is “coming over”! Because that’s all on you then.
Stay away from the couch at all costs
When you meet someone you really like, make sure you stay away from the couch for at least the first few weeks. I stand guilty of being the number one offender of this important rule. I really love my couch.
Actually, I love my home. And I feel extremely comfortable when I’m surrounded by my own things. This is the reason I’ve ended up making this one blunder many times- I invite males inside my comfort zone a little too early. And I’m not talking about sex here. What I mean is that I literally allow guys to step inside my door and sit with me on the couch too soon. And once you cross that line, once you allow the guy you’re dating to sit on your couch inside your house, there’s no moving backwards.
Because for him, this act is a non-verbal agreement saying,” We’re casual. Let’s just hang out.” There will be plenty of time to chill on the couch at a later time, a time when things have become more established and official. So if you hope to avoid the “hanging out” label, you need to avoid couch dating as well.
Never settle for anything less than a real date
And I’m sure you’re wondering about what exactly is a fake date- let me clarify: A fake date can possibly be a number of things. It can be that day where you both just sat on the couch and watched TV for hours. Or maybe that time when you met up for drinks and then went back to his place to just “chill”.
Or maybe just the time when you got all dressed up only to be taken to an extremely casual and super inexpensive burger joint. The list is endless! If you want the societal definition, a date is a pre-planned and pre-mediated activity, in which two people who are at least somewhat romantically invested in each other, enjoy together.
It’s not supposed to be a spur of the moment plan or just a last-minute “if you want” kind of thing. A time is decided. A place is chosen. You get properly dressed. You pick up your date, maybe even throw in a surprise chocolate or rose. And you set off to enjoy a few flirtations and laughs.
Call him out on all his bullsh*t
Once a person has been in the dating game for some time, they reach a point where they understand the things they’ll put up with and the things they absolutely won’t. So always stay in touch with all the knowledge you picked up from all your previous dating adventures, and never be scared to call a guy out on his crap.
It’s not going to be fun. You’ll be worried that you might sound like a bitch. But that’s the whole point, isn’t it? To let him know you’re not like the girls he played before. To let him know that his bullshit games can’t work on everyone he meets. And to let him know that you’re the bitch he shouldn’t be messing with!
Stay upfront about the things you want
This one might seem like a no-brainer. But the reality is that most of us are so desperate sometimes to get some romantic attention in our lives that we easily start sacrificing our heart’s true desires for it. If you know for sure that you’re not the kind of girl who can go on casual dates, and who can agree to “hang out” for an undetermined length of time without any actual commitment, then just own up!
State exactly what you want right from the beginning and then don’t deny it. If you wish to have real dates, real conversations, real courtship- everything that leads to a REAL relationship, then do NOT settle for hanging out. And if hearing this wish sends some guy running into the opposite direction, you never really needed him in your life in the first place.
Talk to me
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