This is huge for me, trust. I have recently realised that I haven’t really trusted anyone, ever, after growing up. Not that I felt bad that I didn’t trust a few of my partners or a few of my friends, but I never really thought I needed to trust them, completely, with myself, my feelings or anything that was too personal.
Today, I am 26 and I often wonder why. A lot of my friends have talked to me about their relationship issues and how they cant trust their partners fully because they have been cheated on, they have been hurt, they didn’t want to get hurt, they didn’t want to make a fool out of themselves. There could really be a thousand reasons why you might not be able to or fully want to trust your current partner, even though they are perfect and you really see a future with them.
You see, our minds are like chalkboards, any harsh or hurtful memory leaves its mark on the chalkboard, real deep. From then onwards, you evaluate every situation and every scenario based on your scars, experiences and life, consciously or sub consciously.
I too have experienced quite a few things in life. Seeing my parents always fighting over money, time, I somehow developed this feeling that later on became a definite decision, that nobody was to be given so much power that they could turn your whole world upside down within a second.
Why trust someone so much that when they break it, it feels like every dream and every part of your soul feels like it has been crushed? Why put yourself in a situation where you can be hurt?
Thinking like that, I moved on with my life, got into an immature relationship, was cheated on with multiple people. The relationship ended and I did not take a single day to cry over the things I had done or had lost, though I do remember feeling guilty for a very long time, for how I had let myself be treated.