I remember when we used to write letters and wait for people to call us on our home phone, I remember a time when people actually got excited when they received mail, when the idea of having a cell phone wasn't as life changing as it's become today, those were the good old days. I've been wanting to write an article on "Social Media Insecurities" for a long time now, I was always too scared because I knew once I dive into this topic I will not stop until I spill my guts out in the article. You guys have been reading my stuff for over two years now, this is going to be very different from what I do, because this has a lot of past connections for me, this is going to hurt me a lot while I spill this out, but it has to be done because I'm not alone here and I don't want anyone else to go through what I once went through.
So the idea of this article came to me when I asked you people to tell me how social media and technology has affected your relationship, almost every single answer I got (out of the 2000 something messages) was very sad, everyone had one thing or the other to say about how social media and technology destroyed their relationship. That's what reminded me of my own past and what I had to go through and how insecure I became because of technology and the amazing wonders we have in the palm of our hands today. I'm going to talk about what you guys told me, I'm going to talk about how I feel about this personally and I'm going to talk about both the negatives and the positives. For obvious reasons, I'm not going to use names of the people who wanted to stay anonymous, some were fine with it. Let's begin.
One of you said:
"I think social media causes more insecurities between couples. For example seeing someone else in a picture with your significant other. Its easy for jealously to arise. Also too many distractions between couples. They pay more attention to what they don't have instead of being grateful for what they do have. The most important thing we can give one another is our time. The one thing we can't get back is time so be careful because life is short. Never be too proud because you will wind up losing something because of ego. People make relationships too hard now days, they worry about what others think or too many obstacles to overcome. I believe if you love someone nothing can come between"
Social media and technology combined are slowly becoming the number one cause of problems and arguments in relationships. It's no coincidence that I received so many messages that were about the element of "jealousy". Give bad people a lot of power and they will use it as they see fit, another one of you wrote:
"... I was with him for four years and all of a sudden his interest in me seemed to decrease, we met and spoke even less than before. I used to see his Facebook and it was filled with new checkins and pictures with everyone else but me, I asked him and he said "you're just thinking too much", am I? Is it normal that my boyfriend has all the time in the world for everyone else but he forgets to ask me if I'm back to health again after I was sick for four days?..."
I took part of the message to show you guys, when two people are having a fight or are arguing, their subconscious wants them to think and know that the other person still cares the same about them. However, some people use social media to intentionally hurt their partners. Some people intentionally use their public profiles to show their partners that they're perfectly happy and normal even though they've had a fight, they show them that they have a lot of friends and people to be with and aren't sad at all just to make them feel less about themselves. Some people intentionally use the power of social media to make others jealous, because they now have the resources that they didn't before, now whatever they say gets seen by hundreds or thousands of people, now they feel more empowered.
On another note, I received another message:
"... but I thought I was the most important person in her life. I know it's okay to feel a little jealous, but I'm actually hurt. She puts so many pictures with so many of her "guy friends" everyday and when I ask her about them, she says "they're just friends, stop being insecure". I mean okay I know, maybe I am being a little too insecure and jealous, but if she truly loves me can't she see that I'm being hurt by this? I mean one or two guy friends is okay, but this is a little too much, please tell me I'm not crazy..."
This message really hit home for me because one of my exes used to do this a lot. We are all human, and when we love someone, we love them with everything we have. Jealousy is a very normal part of relationships and it's okay to be jealous every now and then, and if your partner knows it's affecting you they'll put in an extra effort to make sure it stops hurting you, or they're just not the right person for you. When my ex cheated on me, I felt it coming, I knew it was going to happen. Because she used to be exactly like the girl mentioned above. Dude, I know you're reading this, you need to sit down with her and have a heart to heart, if it doesn't work out, find someone who respects your emotions.