Life is unpredictable. And even though we all feel like we’re well equipped through all our years of living to deal with this unpredictability, some events still come as a great shock to us. One such terrible event is the death of a loved one, that moment when the whole world around you just shatters and you go through the horrible realization that this constant in your life is no more! Who will be there to laugh with you when you’re happy and cry when you’re sad? How are you going to survive with the thought of never seeing their face, never hearing their voice, and never feeling their skin next to yours again? How will your life ever go back to being ‘normal’ again?
You go over that last day you had with them over and over again, all the words you could have said that day, all the time you could have spent telling them what they mean to you. You’re left with a thousand regrets, a thousand unanswered questions, and a thousand memories to last you an entire lifetime. But you have to pick yourself up, you have to accept what has happened, and you have to start living again just the way you used to. It won’t be easy, it won’t be quick and it definitely won’t be painless but you WILL have to do it! In this time of hopelessness, one thing that can help us survive is the support of the people around us, the people who truly love us, and the people who are still here…
We dedicate this article to these beautiful people in our lives, the ones who want to see us get back to normal again, and the ones who’ll go through any trouble just to get back our smile. Of course no one can feel the exact pain and suffering you’re going through but what they can do is try! When someone we love and respect is grieving the loss of a loved one, it’s not always easy to find the right words and gestures for them.
Here is a list of 5 things you should remember if you wish to lessen their pain and be a source of support for them in these hard times:
The one who’s grieving is well aware of the fact that time will heal all wounds and they don’t need constant reminders of this.
When a person is grieving, the most common thing people say to console them is that time will heal all their pain. But that’s not what they want to know. They want to know what they’re supposed to do till then. They want to know how they’re supposed to cope right at this very moment.
Because it’s in the present that they’re not able to get any sleep. It’s in the present that they don’t ever feel like eating. It’s in the present that they still keep hearing his voice, smelling his scent and constantly sensing his presence, even when they know he’s long gone. And it’s in the present that their tears just don’t seem to stop. So despite being well aware of time’s healing powers, they’re still incapable of knowing what to do with the intense pain and hopelessness they feel right now. If you really want to help, then don’t just give them hope for the future, start with giving them some hope for the present too.
Stop reminding them about what time will do to help. Remind them that you’re here for them right now. Remind them that you’ll be right here tomorrow as well. Remind them that they still have a lot of loved ones around, who are here to support them and grieve with them. And remind them that they are not alone in this.
Grief never disappears suddenly, and some days just turn out to be much better than others.
The moment you learn that someone you love has passed away (or has simply left), you don’t lose that person completely in that one single moment. You tend to lose them in bits and pieces and it may take weeks, months or even years for this process to finally end. You lose a part of them on the day their mail stops coming to the house you shared, another part when their scent fades away from their clothes that were lying around, and another when you finally delete their number from your phone.
Everyone goes through a different process of grieving. It takes a long time for some and a relatively shorter time for others. But one thing that remains common for every single person is the fact that grief never disappears completely.
It’s been years. Your life has moved on. You have new people in your life. But there’s still this one gaping hole in your heart permanently left by that one person. It’s not something you obsess about all the time or something that still keeps you awake all night but sometimes, when you least expect it, it suddenly grabs your attention.
This situation can be hard to deal with. You think you’ve accepted the fact that they’re not with you anymore. You think you’ve completed your grieving process. And BOOM! A single picture, that one song, the movie you watched together and a flood of memories starts to surround you, making you feel like you’re losing that person all over again. So if you wish to support a person who’s grieving, make sure you do it with extreme patience.