I still remember the pain…
Relationships can either bring a lot of joy or a lot of sorrow into your life – there’s no in between. She might be your great love or the one who ruined it all. Let’s be realistic here and admit that absolutely nothing in life can be all happy-go-lucky, especially not relationships. You’re basically living a joint life with someone else. We might not like to admit this about our partner because we picked them ourselves, but life with another person cannot be all smooth. Everything in life is bound to have its up’s and down’s. Thus, relationships can be bumpy. Ever thought of the vow, ‘for better or for worse’? Well, worse is evident!
However rough it may get, we do forgive the person we love quite often. After all, love can make us do crazy things. Yet, is love enough for us to forgive infidelity? No, ladies and gentlemen, cheating is the grave sin which breaks couples apart even if they spent decades together. Why? Because it’s a breach of trust and trust can never be regained no matter what people say. Here are some signs which indicate that your partner is cheating on you:
1- She begins hiding things from you:
Before I start this, let me add a little disclaimer. These are all general things which cheating women tend to do. I’m not saying that she is cheating (there’s a pretty good chance though) nor am I saying that only women cheat (needed to put that in there for some reason). Cheating isn’t something you can just confront your partner about and they’ll spill it all. The main aspect of cheating is the fact that it’s a secret. If they were that brave then they would’ve come right out and admit that they’re unhappy in the relationship and want to see other people. If you confront them about it, they’ll obviously deny it. So, you’ll have to rely on instincts and watch them closely when you have a gut feeling.
They’ll eventually slip up in some way. The first sign is where it all begins. Odds are that if you’re reading this it’s probably because of this sign. Everyone has their own personal space and even your partner needs to honor that, but to go from a certain level of privacy to a new level, it gets a person thinking. They weren’t this secretive before but suddenly, they’re keeping things from you. At first you might brush it off as a surprise birthday or something. No one wants to think of the worst case scenario.
However, she’s been secretive for a while now. She won’t show you anything and if you happen to look over her shoulder, she’ll act like the world’s falling. Now, secrecy doesn’t necessarily mean cheating..in some cases that is. They might have something else, they might not. It’s a 50-50 situation at this point.
2- She’s being defensive:
Personally, I don’t believe that anyone who’s willing to deceive someone they presumably ‘love’ has a conscious. Yet, they quite often do (seemingly, I still think they have no hearts). If your partner starts getting way too defensive over every little thing, you’re bound to question this sudden change in behaviour. The whole reason you feel like she might be cheating on you is the fact that she shifted from the norm and not in a positive way. She’s basically leading another life and them coming together is not going to be good for her. Maybe it’s her conscious or maybe it’s her selfishness, I don’t know. The fact is that she’s going to get defensive. She’ll get ready to fight at every little thing you point out.
Even if you point out that she’s being overly sensitive, she’ll be down to a fight! Even if your girlfriend was the type who didn’t take criticism well from the get go, this is an all-time extreme even for her. Honestly, you know this person because you’ve been in a relationship with them. You know how the walk, talk and act. You can tell when something is up. While I do admit that falsely accusing someone is wrong, I must admit that a once in a time gut feeling isn’t bound to be wrong (or right in that case). Even if you feel like there’s something going on, NEVER consult your friends immediately.
That will do more harm than good. Expressing concern on her recent shift in behaviour with ONE close friend is alright, but going Sherlock already and asking everyone is a very bad idea. Suppose she isn’t cheating, then? You’ve already made her seem like a horrible person to all her friends. She’ll break up with you just for that. It’ll be better to confirm your suspicions, catch her in the act and then humiliate her.
3- Your friends/family start giving you a reason to doubt her:
The fact that I have to add a disclaimer before elaborating on each point and that I’m writing an article on cheating shows how we’ve evolved in the twenty-first century. Okay, I know that a relationship is meant to be between two people and no one else. The more people you add to it, the more your relationship is bound to end. That’s what you think, right? Wrong! It’s wrong to add unnecessary people into your relationship (the person she’s cheating on you with is a prime example) and it’s also wrong to share unnecessary details with everyone else. Yet, it isn’t wrong to have a few close friends and family. When someone you don’t trust that much with anything comes up to you with concerns that your partner is cheating on you,
odds are you wouldn’t believe them. Why? You don’t trust them enough to believe them. However, if someone you do actually trust express concern, you’re left thinking. They’re word isn’t written on stone either so I’d suggest that you evaluate the proof first. The thing is that so far, you’ve only been going on your gut feeling. Now you have someone with some sort of evidence. This someone is someone you trust and know won’t lie to you. If you already had a gut feeling then this is a good thing because based on their proof, you can make or break your case. Their proof might be in the form of a photograph or a rumor. A rumor isn’t solid so it’s harder to go on, but if this is a person who genuinely cares for you then they’ll go through the liberty of verifying the sources for you.
4- There’s a mysterious someone:
Didn’t I mention her eventually slipping up? Well, this is a sure slip up. She’s playing two games at once and no matter how much we’d like to think, no one’s capable of multitasking like an absolute professional. Your attention is bound to deviate and you’ll make a mistake sooner or later. The biggest mistake she can make is allowing you to be aware of the other man in her life. She’ll introduce him as a friend or something. Now, I know that it isn’t fair to assume that this new-found friend has to be her secret lover. However, if you get a bad feeling about him then there’s nothing wrong in clearing your suspicion. Honestly, the whole ‘you should trust me enough’ thing is getting way too old now.
Like, you have a bad feeling about someone and it won’t just go away because she says that you should trust her. Clear your suspicions, yes but don’t damage your relationship while you’re at it. Even Sherlock, won’t let his suspects know that they’re suspects right away. The new-found friend or associate might seem fishy to you for a number of reasons. She’ll act weird about him; like he isn’t someone you should know about nor ask about. I’ve also mentioned the fact that she’ll be extremely defensive, a little more than norm. This gives you a reason to doubt her. It may or may not be uncalled for.
If people expect you to go with the fact that it isn’t how it seems, then who’s to say that you can’t go with the fact that there is something wrong? Everyone talks about the brighter side of life. Sure, but why not clear your suspicions in a calm and collected manner?
5- Anything you do or say annoys her:
A lot of people tend to say that they should’ve seen it coming i.e. they should have expected the person they fell in love with to cheat on them. Cheating is so undermined it isn’t even funny anymore (not that it was funny to begin with). People think that you should be well aware of what your partner is up to. Well, on one hand they say this and on the other they bring out the person with suspicions as a really awful person. The truth is that no one would ever willingly enter into a relationship where they can tell that the person will eventually cheat on them. They enter into a relationship with someone they feel like they can trust and love for all of eternity.
Here’s another sign, she’ll start to feel like anything you do is nagging her. She will be completely irrational about everything and you’ll be more shocked than you will be mad. She’ll make you feel like you can’t be right in any situation. You’ll have to be on your toes around her and that isn’t how a relationship is meant to be. The whole fact that she’s cheating on you means that she doesn’t love you, but she needs you there with her for one reason or the other. She needs something out of you, but it isn’t love. Thus, she’ll get annoyed of literally you breathing.
6- She’ll change her schedule completely:
We’re not talking minor and unavoidable changes over here either. We’re talking about some major though provoking changes. She’s changing everything. It’s like she wants to do everything but be around you. She’s spending way too much time at work or out with people. It happens for a week or two and you’re fine with it. You feel like it’s wrong to point that out since it is their life too. The fact is, the relationship is something both of you shares. She can do anything which regards her life alone, but when it begins to affect your relationship then you can intervene. In this case, she isn’t spending a single second with you and you’re wondering why. In fact, you aren’t even wondering anymore, you’re actually asking her but she isn’t replying.
She’ll give you a blurred answer. That’s also a sign of a cheater: deflecting from answers. She won’t give you a straight forward answer no matter how much you try. She’ll make you want to pull your hair out. That’s what she’s aiming for – you to just not bother with the questions anymore. You’ll get so tired yourself of all the weird and unnecessary answers that you’ll stop asking. Do not give her the upper hand on this one. Like I said, this affects your relationship and you have every right to know what’s going on in it. Keep asking until you get the right answer.
7- She starts taking her phone everywhere:
She can be cheating on you in one of two ways: with one guy in a serious relationship with or with multiple guys. Both are wrong so there’s no constellation for her over there. Honestly, there is no real difference in how she’s cheating. What matters is that she is cheating. There’s something perceived as normal because you’ve seen that going on for so long and now it’s gone. She starts keeping her phone with her at all times. Phone/ laptop/ any other device it really doesn’t matter! The fact is that she’s using it way more than usual and she freaks out when you look over her shoulder.
Anything she does is a secret. She won’t give you the time of day to look up from her phone and notice you or partake in the conversation. She’ll be too engrossed in her social media. The truth is that she’s either talking to the other man or the other men. Like I said, at this point she doesn’t love you anymore. She rather be doing anything (or anyone) than spend a second acknowledging your presence.
8- There is no intimacy left:
By any I mean completely 0%. She obviously doesn’t care about you anymore. I mean, she’s cheating on you for one. However, this is an article where you’re given signs on whether or not she’s cheating. So, we’ll just act instinctively. Intimacy refers to so much more than sex. The fact that you two are dead in bed isn’t the complete story. Intimacy refers to a lot of other things such as maintaining a strong bond. The bond is broken thus obviously not going to be maintained any longer. She doesn’t want to put in any effort for the relationship anymore. It’s completely one-sided because you’re the only reason there is a relationship anymore. She isn’t concerned in the slightest.
The truth is that your relationship is a collection of all the little things you do for one another. These little things separate you from other couples. It’s what makes you unique in your way and gives you some sort of meaning. She doesn’t want to do them anymore. You can’t exactly force her to do them against her wishes because at the end of the day they are little things. What hurts is that she doesn’t see the impact that had on the relationship. She sees the aftermath, but doesn’t care.
That’s what sucks about cheating. It leaves scars and a lot of unanswered questions. Like, why me? Wasn’t I good enough? It takes a huge blow to a lot of people’s self-esteem and their ability to get back up again. People often complain that such and such person isn’t willing to open up. Well, why would they? They’ve been through the ultimate breach of trust.
9- She’s detaching herself as much as possible:
Since she obviously no longer cares about you, she also no longer cares about the people from your side. She doesn’t care about the people who mean a lot to you and the people she put on a good face for just for your sake. She thinks that it’s better for her to stop putting in any extra effort there is. It already annoys her that she has to put on a face for you let alone put on one for people who mean something for your friends or family. Admittedly, she was never really obligated to do so.
However, she did and you didn’t ask her to. The sudden shift from once good friends to now a horrible person she refuses to be seen with is suspicious to say the least. Not only that, but she’s also detaching herself from anything that holds significance to the relationship. The relationship, at this point, is being handled by no one else but you. She couldn’t give a second to spare so it means nothing to her.. Till this sign, I would say it’s a 60-40 that she’s cheating on you!
10- She’s unhappy, you’re unhappy and it’s just a matter of saying it:
How does a perfectly normal relationship, one that’s going seemingly well end in such a crappy place? Well, it’s either never a genuine relationship or a relationship where the people are unhappy. You don’t feel like your partner is the person worthy of your love anymore.
Okay, fair enough, but you should be honest about that. See, that’s what I don’t get. Why be brave enough to remove any sense of faithfulness from your personality, but why be cowardly enough to lie about it? If you’re that unhappy then why not say it? The absolute worst part of it is the fact that in all of this you’re ruining another person’s life. They didn’t deserve to be treated this way. They deserved better. The deserved honesty more than they deserved love. Love is something you can develop later as well but trust in relationships once gone cannot be recovered.
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Have you been cheated on? Let me know of your experiences in the comments below!