Marriages are said to be arranged in heaven. It’s wedding season and I know some of y’all will be feeling lonely and sad and angry at the world because your perfect one’ wasn’t the one.
We all fall in love once or twice and for some it’s about 10 times before they start fearing and hating the word love.
You fall in love, have a fluttery feeling in your heart and you spend hours every day talking to that certain someone and you think wow this is my person, she/he gets me’. It’s all love and romance and then one dreaded day you get a wedding invite to her and Bashir’s wedding. And then you think to yourself this is impossible’ and you think it’s a mistake and turns out your girl is getting married to her dads business partners kid.
And sometimes you don’t even get an invite let’s be practical you get a text and that’s the end.
Or whatever problem there is and it basically leads to the end of your happiness, you’re no longer on cloud 9 and you run around cursing the heavens even though they had nothing to do with your bad decisions in life. And you feel like crap.
It’s a low point that’s pretty common these days.
So how can you avoid it? Firstly drop the unreal expectations of getting yourself a model girlfriend/wife. That’s not happening. Women are humans and have flaws and personalities.
Second of all know what basic good person’s qualities are. What makes a good woman? Actually these qualities apply to all genders. You need to have a decent human being as a partner and if you’re lucky and you find one with all these qualities try your best to convince them to stay with you willingly.
The Beauty Inside
Physical appearance is important. We can’t dismiss it saying that outer appearance has no role when finding a partner. It does. To have a successful relationship you need to find a partner that you are physically attracted to and since outer appearance is the first appearance you see of a person it holds a pretty big role.
The physical aspect is just as important in a relationship. This does not mean you go around trying to find a Kendall Jenner it means you need to find someone who has good hygiene, can take care of her body and herself and is physically fit. Yes she needs to be pretty to you but don’t expect her to be a goddess.
Beauty is not just on the outside it’s on the inside too so find yourself a woman with a good heart and a good personality, someone kind and decent and not rude. Someone who can make you laugh and will stay up with you all night just to comfort you if you’re worried or in pain.
When you’re old and bored her physical appearance will no longer exist to entertain you, her personality will. So a bland or straight out rude person is the last thing you want as a partner.
2. You’re her one true love
Love is pretty important. If it’s there in the start it will last till the end. I know people say it fades but I like to think it changes to different forms.
You are your own being. You have a life, you have a personality and you have feelings. Don’t bother sticking around with someone who dismisses you and your personality and attempts to change you into something you’re not.
Good change is welcome, so if you want to change for her go ahead but there’s no compulsion in you having to change the way you laugh or you changing your interests for her.
She should accept you just like you accept her wholly.
3. She Supports you
If a woman is willing to sacrifice her comfort so you can pursue your dreams, marry her… she obviously loves you. Behind very successful man is a woman so don’t marry one who won’t encourage you to try to achieve all that you want to. You have goals and she should recognize them. (If you tell her you want to grow wings I’m pretty sure no sane woman would support it so try to keep your goals achievable)
4. She loves the ones you love
If she’s willing to care for and spend on the people you hold close to you, it means she hold them in high regard just because you do. Out of respect for you, she respects them and loves them. So if your woman is great with your sibling and with your parents she’s probably someone worth the time.
5. Best friend turned wife
If you can share all your worries and concerns with her, fully trusting her and her opinion, chance is she’s meant for you. She knows all your secrets, your insecurities that you try to hide from the world but not from her.
That’s a woman you want. A woman who knows your likes, your dislikes, what you favor and why you shy away from something. She’s someone who knows your family, someone who knows what you’d consider your most embarrassing secrets. A person willing to stand up for you, willing to give you time and willing to keep away from company you’d prefer her to keep away from.
6. You change for the better around her
If being around her makes you conscious of your bad traits, if being with her encourages you to leave behind the parts of your character that you’d be better without she’s someone you want to commit to.
It’s hard to recognize one’s own faults and it can be even harder to admit to doing wrong and working to better ones self and if you meet someone who gives you that push to turn into a better man, she’s not just a regular woman to you, she someone special.
7. She has realistic expectations
Women are often cultured into thinking they’ll get a prince charming and often times that’s not true. An ideal woman? Someone who understands your body isn’t Channing Tatum’s, someone who understands you have flaws.
That you’re not a perfect man and its okay if you’re not. You’re not eye candy or a play thing and your woman should understand that. Your flaws and imperfections are something she should help you embrace rather than something she should point out just to embarrass you.
8. She’s fun to hang out with
This is someone you’re spending the rest of your life with. If you can’t hold a decent conversation with her before you get married what do you expect once you’ve tied the knot?
If you don’t enjoy her company now, chances are you won’t be anytime soon. If she’s someone you can laugh with, make stupid jokes with and just someone who tries to make the time you spend together cherish able, then she’s someone you want to consider marrying.
If she isn’t embarrassed of laughing out loud in public at a stupid pun you make or isn’t embarrassed of walking out in something not designer boy you’ve got yourself a gem.
Your time spent together shouldn’t consist of solely talking crap about other people and how they look. If she plays tag with you in the rain and is okay with her makeup coming off while you play tag in the rain, you’ve been blessed.
9. She trusts you
Trust is not easy to come by. If she’s willing to put your word before her friends or before her relative’s word, she trusts you. And if she can give you 100% of her trust, don’t give her a reason to take even 1 % back. You’re a lucky man if your wife trusts you.
10. She’s a good cook
The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. That sounds gross but basically she doesn’t HAVE to know how to cook but it wouldn’t exactly hurt if she did either, like who doesn’t want a great cook willing to make you food?
If she can cook it definitely is a plus one.
11. She’s patient
Who likes a bad temper? No one so if you forget to bring some basil back after you come home from work, you don’t want a wife nagging all day long simply because of a leaf do you? I mean you’re exhausted and the woman can’t stop talking about basil it’s okay if she gets mad over bigger issues that are important but to be super angry over something small is simply unattractive so make sure a woman’s patient before you tie the knot with her.
Anger issues and temper tantrums are sometimes the cause of a divorce law suit.
12. She’s mature
This doesn’t mean all she talks about is history and knitting, I’m not saying marry your grandma but marry someone who can handle bad news, who can handle good news, who can handle disappointment because life is filled with all three.
You don’t want a child as a wife. You want a woman, someone who seeks to please you but holds her own pretty well. If her opinion and attitude changes with the wind, I wouldn’t recommend a wedding just yet. If she pouts over you not buying her the biggest rock, she’s not ready for marriage she just wants a sugar daddy.
13. She’s forgiving
Not everyone can be mother Teresa here. We all make mistakes and sometimes our mistakes are bigger than we think, so don’t go for a woman so stubborn that she can’t even get over that one mistake you made 6 years ago at the dining table when you accidentally spilled juice on her favorite table matt. Was that too specific? I don’t know but you know what I mean! If she keeps reminding you of what you’ve done wrong in a negative way she’s not ready for a committed relationship where she and her partner are equals.
No one is perfect. No man or woman is perfect. You’ll need to adjust and improvise regardless of how perfect you think you are for one another. There no perfect relationship, there will be ups and downs so it’s in the best interest of everyone involved that standards are kept real.
Practically speaking there’s no possible way you will find a woman with ALL the characteristics noted above because that would be a perfect woman and sometimes women lack in certain areas so stop obsessing over the perfect woman. Find yourself someone you love.
Keep yourself in check and make yourself to be the best version of yourself that you can for your wife and if she does the same you and your relationship will just be fine.