No one deserves terrible sex in their lives. Sometimes, sex that is a session of mistakes, lousy communication, awkward moment and tons of embarrassment can be useful for you because it will educate you about the thing you like in bed and the things you don’t. But that’s only sometimes. If lousy sex is all you get, it can be very traumatic for you and your partner. No one should be made to feel like they’d instead do some house chores than get in bed and have sex with their significant other.
Sex is supposed to be satisfying and fun. It’s supposed to make you feel great inside out. But when you’re in a serious relationship with someone, the sex you two have has been excellent. Actually, it doesn’t just have to be good; it has to be great. Bad sex can make you feel miserable. It will make you question your bond with your significant other. It’s a sign of bad understanding and communication between you two. Sex that makes you feel like crap instead of making you feel like you’re in heaven will have you wondering what’s going wrong and where. You’ll find yourself asking questions like: “is it me?” “Is it just them?” “is it the both of us?” “Why can’t we have great sex like so many other people?” “What was Jane saying about having amazing sex with her boyfriend?” “What is she doing differently?” The dissatisfaction and the sexual frustration can really mess your mind up. It can make you feel lonely. But bad sex is toxic for any relationship in the world. It can create distance between you and your partner. A really great, thriving sex life will make your relationship a trillion times better for you. It has the power to make the bond the two of you have much, much stronger. It will bring the two of you closer and give you the privilege of knowing each other the way no one knows the two of you.
Are you upset about the quality of the sex you’re getting lately? Do you feel like its making you sexually dissatisfied? If you’re struggling in your sex life, if you don’t like the pace you and partner find yourselves to be when it comes to having sex, then keep reading because bad sex isn’t something that has to go on forever. You can fix it! There’s hope for you, and by the end of this article, you can get in bed with him/her for the sex of a lifetime. Here are somethings all couples with a good sex life know to be true:
1. Sex shouldn’t have to grow old like the relationship
The thing is, how much and how often it happens isn’t as important as how good it is when it happens. I mean, there really is no point in having a lot of sex that makes you feel even more unsatisfied than before. What’s a much more favorable situation is that you have only a couple of times every month but every time you have sex, it feels like there could be nothing better. It makes you and your partner feel like you guys are on top of the world. That’s what matters. It’s alright if the quantity goes down, but it’s absolutely unacceptable for the quality to go down with it too. Even after you’ve been together for years, the two of you should still be doing new, crazy things in bed together. It should something you look forward to, not run from.
2. Their orgasm matters more than your
Putting yourself first, making sure you orgasm and not bothering to make sure your partner has finished in the best possible can make them resentful towards you. No one wants to screw an insensitive jerk. Every happy couple makes tell you the same thing: the secret to the best sex life is that during a wild session of sex what matters the most to you is that you send your significant other to a five second trip to heaven with the most intense orgasm ever. Their satisfaction, their pleasure makes you feel fantastic about yourself, and it makes you the happiest.
3. Your sex life will shrivel up if you don’t introduce new things
If you’re not open to experimenting, your sex life will go rolling down the hill like jack n Jill before you know it. Don’t expect things to remain fun, exciting and as fresh as always if you’re not putting in your own efforts. Be open to experimentation in bed, try new things as often as you possibly can. Your sex life will never stop blossoming. Sex is going to begin to feel boring the minute you stop paying attention to it. Ditch the misconception that sex will always be inherently fun because it won’t. Just like sex itself, you have to make the fun happen for you.
What about if your boyfriend has never had sex with you? My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and 5 months. He’s 49 and I am 46. He’s never even French kissed me. Just pecks on the lips, forehead, or cheek. I have talked to him countless times, mostly in the beginning about wanting to have sex and he has a different excuse every time. At first he said that his thing doesn’t work, that it stopped working a few years ago. A couple months later, I saw his boxers when doing laundry and I saw for myself that his thing obviously does work… then I kept seeing it over and over like a daily thing. I didn’t know how to say something without being so mad about it and freaking out about it, so I would just try to talk to him about having sex and he would say that sex makes everything in relationships more complicated… what?? I told him that I feel it’s an important part of relationships because it would be us bonding together in a whole new way- blah blah blah.. when we were arguing one day I finally snapped and screamed at him that I know he’s lying about ‘it’ not working because I do the laundry and I have seen his boxers…he didn’t say anything about that, then I felt bad for putting him on the spot. From that point until about a month ago nothing was in his boxers, but I would find balled up napkins or paper towels a lot- in his car, next to the wall by the side of the bed he sleeps on, in the bathroom trash and sometimes on his dirty work white t shirts (he works in construction) I don’t even know what to do, but I am about to lose my composure. Men don’t turn down sex, for the most part. I am not a disgusting, ugly, nasty person. At all. I am not the most beautiful person in the world, but I have always been told that I am good looking, I am not dirty and I don’t stink- I shower everyday, I am not a mean or hateful person- I am the type that shows love to everyone- not in that way, but I am an over caring person who likes to help everyone and who hurts when others hurt, if that makes sense. If anyone has any advice for me, I would love to hear it. I have only talked to a couple of people about this as it is really embarrassing.
This person likely has trauma around sexual encounters and or has an avoidant attachment style whereby intimacy frightens him. Unless you deeply love him, I would move on.