I wrote this article with the help of one of my closest female friends. She went through one of the most painful breakups I’d seen in my years of counselling people and helping them out. She was cheated on, for about four years. I’m going to let her talk now:
When in a relationship initially, we subconsciously let go of the hints and alarming signs that our partner starts to show.В Being lied to or being cheated on is the first thing that can happen to anyone.В It’s like you build your house bit by bit. Going through good and bad times both and within a second you feel like someone pulled the ground from under your feet.В The whole sense of stability is lost and then it is just you twirling around in a tornado of the things you thought were real and the things that never existed.
Why do we let something like this happen to us?В We are at times so much in denial that we get blinded by all the good things happening in the relationship while the negatives that have always been there, slowly creep in through the backdoor and we only realise this after suffering. I suffered like that in my 4 years long relationship.В It slowly poisoned my life and the relationship I had. We never expect the people we love to be the liars we see in movies. We expect it to happen to any of our friends but never us!В And we stop being realistic thus when we realise how stupid we have been trying to pretend that nothing is wrong. Due to which we often suffer a lot, many many years!
I wish I knew and believed these tell signs. It would have saved me at least four years of my life.В But anyways I learned from it so I never make the same mistake, again. Here is how you can spot one.
1. Liars and cheaters do not trust
A liar or a cheater is always apprehensive and is always trying to find something that will help them not trust the person. As they know what people are capable of. Trust will always be the point of dispute for a very long time if you are in a relationship with them.
2. The will always act to be the victim
Liars and cheaters have a bad habit of self pity. They always treat their pain to be the greater pain. Even if you fall off a tree and break the bones in your body, their pain of a mere knife cut will be more.В Since such people are constantly trying to justify the fact that they lie, they are always finding reasons to help them advocate the case.
Such people will always have bigger problem from you. At times when you are explaining a tragedy to such people they will gradually move the focal point of the relationship towards themselves.
3. Liars and cheaters are always apprehensive
Such people have so much to fight for. They have so much to hide that they are always apprehensive even when they go out for groceries. Simple plans will never be simple for the two of you. It could be anything, it could be a simple walk out in the park but it won’t be simple in any way. Either you didn’t ask them before choosing a park or you didn’t ask them hard enough so maybe you don’t want them to go which brings me to another point.
4. They will Pick the most stupid fights
This is a huge tell sign. It could be a tell sign for a lot of things though, like attention seekers would also do this.
Liars and cheaters are always on the lookout for the reasons to fight, subconsciously. As they know, one day every lie of theirs will come out in the open. They subconsciously gather information that will help them portray themselves as the victim and all their actions justified after that is being done to them.
5. Liars and cheaters are charmers
Liars and cheaters are charmers and win over people easily. They will always be the life of the group. They make you feel special which they know matters to you the most because they have no limits when it comes to lying. They would tell you the most amazing and hopeful things about what you want to hear.
6. Liars and cheaters have loopholes in their stories
Since liars and cheaters are used to lying, they don’t mind adding a few lies here and there. This when you ask them about the same story, they will never tell the story the same because liars themselves don’t know which lie they said to someone. Such loopholes, if exposed or questioned, will always be welcome with an I-knew-you-don’t-trust-me fight. This only ends in you being the guilty one. So, be prepared.
In short, when in a relationship with a liar or a cheater, be prepared to take the blame for the things you have done and the things you haven’t. As I mentioned before about the unhealthy and torturing relationship I had, it had been 4 years and we were still fighting over the fact that my display picture is too exposing and I am trying to attract the wrong kind of guys. At times, it was how I couldn’t give him time while taking care of my terminally ill parents. The fights became more and more damaging until I couldn’t take anymore.
One day, just like that, I logged onto his Facebook. I had always been very high on privacy and trust, I have never even thought of checking his mail for a good 4 years, that day also, I wanted to read our old conversations which I had accidentally deleted from my account.В To my surprise, there were a series of women he used to chat and Skype with. Not just chat but dirty talk, discussing how their Skype sessions had been exciting.В Suddenly, everything started to make sense. All the fuss about not meeting my friends, to dressing up a certain way, to ask him about everything.
He was lying to me throughout and making me feel like I have been doing wrong and not compromising enough.В I can only say this after finishing that part of my life – don’t trust hard enough to unsee what is right in front of you.
Talk to me
Have you been cheated on? How did you find out? Let me know in the comments below. And as always, stay blessed and keep the love alive!