It’s just really unfortunate whenever you find out that the person you’re in a supposedly loving relationship with is just settling for being with you. Naturally, you would want any person that you would fall in love with to also be in love with you in return. You deserve that.
But unfortunately, the universe doesn’t always give us what we want or what we deserve. We can still end up in relationships with people who don’t really love us – people who are just settling for being with us. And according to leading experts in the field, if you are perceptive enough, you will be able to spot the signs that your partner is merely settling for you – and that they’re not really in love with you.
Contrary to what many people may think, it actually takes a lot of effort and energy to settle for a relationship with someone. There is just so much acting and deceit that goes into settling in a relationship that it can really take a lot out of a person. For instance, if your partner is merely settling with you, then they genuinely have to put on a show whenever you try to be intimate and affectionate towards them.
They will try to emulate the feelings that you have for them – but it is all just so unnatural and inorganic. It’s all fake and it really takes a lot of effort to take your own feelings for another person. Truthfully speaking, no relationship is ever going to be simple or effortless. But when the love in a relationship is real, then the expression and manifestation of that love shouldn’t require too much effort at all. It takes a whole lot more effort to be fake than to be authentic.
When you love another person, you are going to want to make sure that that person feels as included and as involved in your life as possible. You want to make sure that you don’t go in with your life having your partner as a mere spectator. You want them to feel everything that you feel. You want them to be a part of all of your experiences.
You want them to be a part of any major decisions that you might have to make concerning your life and the relationship. And that all requires a great amount of energy. And when someone gets tired in a relationship, then that’s when a person’s true colors will start to show. No matter how tired you might be, if you love someone, you are going to love that person consistently. But when you’re faking that love and you have no more energy to put up with that charade, then it starts to become a lot more evident.
But there are other ways to tell if your partner’s love for you is authentic or not. You just have to be able to know the signs so that you can be on the lookout for them.
1. They don’t really express a real interest in the different facets of your life.
They don’t really try to get to know you better. They aren’t really all that interested in getting closer to you and building that connection between the two of you. Your partner doesn’t really take the time to go deep into what makes up your character and personality.
2. Your relationship doesn’t really feel like a partnership.
You’re more like two people who are just living individual lives alongside one another than two people who are in a relationship together.
3. Your partner is very critical of your behavior.
Your partner already doesn’t exactly like the unideal circumstances that surround your relationship. And so that’s why they will try to criticize and change you in however way they can to turn you into the person that they want you to be.
4. The only time the two of you ever really connect with one another is when you’re having sex.
Sex is great in a relationship. However, if sex is the absolute pinnacle of intimacy and connection that the two of you have as a couple, then that’s not a good sign.
5. Your partner doesn’t really make it a point to plan for your relationship.
Your relationship is more like a casual agreement between two people; an agreement to just stay together without having any real direction or motivation to see things through until the end.
6. You constantly feel undervalued and unappreciated in the relationship.
You never feel like you are given importance or priority. You feel more like an accessory to the life of your partner than an actual human being.
7. You don’t feel like you can freely express your opinions.
You never feel like you have a safe space to express yourself. And if you ever do, you never feel like you are being heard or being paid attention to. It’s like anything that comes out of your mouth just falls on deaf ears. No one makes you feel heard in your relationship.
Yes definitely I understand I’ve been there and it has made me a stronger woman believe me ,For instance his female friends and hoes on Facebook or Instagram is his priority so i love me and I hold my head up high i.still love him but I just care less cause im.a queen and I kiss no.mans ass I treat mine like a king
Crazy but all these are true %100. I know.
Amen
Well said I’m going through all that right now with my soon to be ex.He doesn’t know that I’ve seen all the messages he gets off these Facebook whores and he doesn’t realise I’ve seen him replying but I have.He texts them when he thinks I’m asleep but nooo I’m not I’m watching him texting the whores.He never messages me on facebook been together 5 years but as I say he’s soon to be my ex.His doing not mine.We are stronger without a man.
Right.
Exactly ✊
everything u said is word for word how I felt or what I have told him I felt…i never saw it all together like that …however I dumped him last week for a man who said please…let me show u happiness every day…thankfully…and thank you for this eye opening article…
you go girl. get out while you can
get some therapy.. yoi need it
🤘🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻get rid stay strong be brave and keep the reasons why in your head Good luck ❤️
My BF and BFF of 14 years had an affair with another woman to the point that he locked me out of my house and moved her into my home for 2 months and there is over and I’m back home things are not the same he is still seeing her there’s no communication no sex no love and it’s snuggling no conversation it really sucks
I think it’s time to leave him without notice, HE DOESN’T DESERVE YOU
prepare to be that cat lady. check if you are doing something wrong. Any woman can get a man not every woman can keep one. if you are still there after knowing what he is doing, you are waiting for a better optio,. One hasn’t come your way yet so you still need his resources.
Remember the “wh*res” ain’t to blame! They likely don’t know u exist. Maybe talk to him tell him u know ask him why and go from there. My hubby did tht once it was about his self confidence he broke down and it made us stronger. Relationships take work on both sides. I’m not saying it’s right what he’s doing but unfair to blame the girls xx
I know what you are talking about! Mine did the same until I told him I knew he puts hearts on other women’s pictures. As a result, he closed his facebook account so we could work on gaining trust back in our relationship. He suffers from a mental disease and he was trying to to get a positive feedback. If your man is not a complete ass and he means something to you, let him know how this hurts you, it might have an impact on his behavior
Reading all of these comments is depressing. They are all about “ feelings.” Feelings can betray and are never consistent. They also go both ways with men and women. People who rely on feelings and then complain are the usually the hypocrites who never look at themselves and why thier partner has pulled away. Life is not a disney movie and relationship problems are always a result of both partners
the person that I have been seeing for a year now shows more attention to females on dating sites and other social media more attention then he does me. he also stays awake at night messaging around with Pokémon cards moving from one binder to another. always takes his phone with him to the bathroom and takes over an hour to come out of there.
And I get treated like that oh hell no
32 years. 25 of them married. 2 kids. He never ever loved me. I know that now. I loved him. He was never interested in anything I said. He criticised me alot. Wouldn’t even hold my hand. Went off and I never knew where. Never included me. I always forgave him. I loved him. He cheated. I found out by accident. He left. I met a new man. WOW. The difference is unbelievable. This man cares, values my opinion, always asked me how my day was, is kind, thoughtful…warm and loving. He appreciates me. Its wonderful.
So many wasted years with a man I obsessed over, infatuation, not a healthy relationship. BUT I LOVED HIM.
Glad to hear you get your happy ending! Good for you, I’m sorry you feel that you wasted so many years feeling the way you did. It inspires me to change my life, and relationship.
Hello, I am currently 23 years into my marriage. I was married very young at 18 he was 24, I thought we were good for so many years and now I find myself asking if it is just me or if he knows it too. My question is this….How did you know or when did you start seeing the signs and can you help me? I do not know what to do!
We think that we love them!! The thing is I love my kids above any man. Life is better when there’s no man around taking you for a mug.
Women only love their children, parents and pets unconditionally. Their men are only loved with the condition that they can provide something for them. if a woman wakes up “feeling” unappreciated she will be prepared to break up her family for her happiness. A man will generally keep the family together even when unhappy. 70% of divorces are initiated by women and infidelity by women now surpasses men. these are statistical facts.
with the internet and social media, women now have an alternative method to sexualise themselves, get attention off other men and seek side guys.
This is cause us as women deserve to be valued just as much as men are as well but at times men don’t value us at all so we seek happiness outside the marriage it’s not right I’m not condoning it as I did this exact thing I cheated with the expectation of moving on and then chose to come back and own up to my mistake and it only got worse
Omg sounds like my ex I tried so hard to save something that’s not there and he’s even got a new girl we have to kids it’s been so hard and draining hard to expect aswell just feel broken. Nice to c u got a happy ending
I can relate to everything you went through. My ex husband had an entirely separate set of friends that I didn’t know. I was at the bottom of his priorities. Like you, I loved him. I worshipped him, but I knew he didn’t love me. I tried so hard to be a good wife in every way, but when I went through the humiliation of being told I had chlamydia and later a woman apologizes because she didn’t know he was married, I lost it completely. I fell into such a state of depression
I feel so unappreciated I have done the 3Cs for this fiancé of mines and he still hasn’t shown appreciation just say I appreciate you is not enough I cook, clean, and cater to his every needs. I’ve done the traditional wife duties to a guy who ex wife have never done this and now I beginning to understand why even bother he didn’t fade him none when he was married so why do all the ironing his clothes doing all the Cinderella duties for a guy that all he even did was put a ring on my damn finger
Honey, I don’t know you or your situation, but I DO know that you deserve better. Do NOT do “wife work” for girlfriend wages. It’s better to be alone than to wish you were.
Then you shouldn’t or should not marry him if you saw all those signs. It wasn’t going to change he wasn’t going to change!!!
Damn. I understand. Why do we do this?
Well going thru all this now but worse I feel all these signs and to top it off anything I would do I was wrong like her kicking me out and then when I would go see friends cuz she would block me so I couldn’t call tell me I chose everything over her but just tonight turns around and breaks our plans to go out with girlfriends after she says there are never guys with them when they go out and then msg and said they were picking a guy up so it’s really bad all these signs and the narc to deal with in one I do love her and trying to talk she tells me she don’t know when she is free but says she wants us to work out I’m at my end
As someone who was on the other side of this year’s ago I truly thought I loved him but I look back and see I didn’t and really never wanted to spend much time with him. Over the years I finally saw it and told him and he flipped out like he would not except I wanted the relationship to end for good reason we were both miserable. I made all the money tho so he didn’t want to let that go but what I’m trying to say is sometimes the person who’s not really in love doesn’t know that they aren’t but all these signs were absolutely true.
He should not have been with you if he was not a man if greater means or status. you were obviously in a masculine position as you mentioned Money. Hyperglycemia is real and this man was either giving you good D and you were waiting to monkey branch. from the streets you came, to the streets you shall return.
prepare for the cats. I hope this man has learned his lesson and elevated himself.
I repeatedly have been looking into these relationship rules articles / understandings. I have repeatedly come to realize I have been a good man for the woman I love so dearly, but unfortunately she never was truthful with me, she claims she loved me, obviously she lied. All the articles prove she was nothing but a liar. And I expelled a lot of energy pretending that I felt okay. Never let the red flags go by stop them in their tracks and talk about it. Basically if she can’t talk about her true feelings and show respect in that way then it’s time to walk
away from the poison, which is what I did!!!!!
Excuse me a moment while I pour me a glass of wine. So I can drown my sorrows over the fact we get ONE LIFE! One shot at this and I have completely thrown mine away on they habitual liar I’ve thrown my best years away on. Eh, at least he is aging like shite! 🍷
My ex aged so badly that I didn’t even recognize him! I told him many times he was going to get ugly but it is way worse than I said it would be!
I have known a guy now for over a year and a half and I am the one who just can’t truely love him. I try and I have called off the relationship loads but then I think gone back to him out of loneliness or boredom. I live with daughter who’s 15 and I also see that she feels uncomfortable around him but I don’t know why. I have asked her but she will only say “I’m fine mum” she seems like she’ll stay upstairs more when he’s here and doesn’t make conversation. I remember when I had finished with him one time she said he was a moron so she expressed her view then but won’t now and I think she can see something I can’t. I worry about her feeling like I am putting him before her which I don’t as I don’t see him much atall. That’s the thing when he calls I ignore it and when he messages I don’t eagerly want to see what he’s sent me cus it’s the same thing each day. He also is 42 lives in his mums house and doesn’t have his own car or anything. He doesn’t seem to have any other interests just work and me that’s it!! I am 50 this year and want to go out on dates and dress up but he doesn’t do that and it’s always eating places which I just aren’t bothered about. It gets same thing and I am just settling through fear of being on my own forever. I recently broke up and got back together again for about the 7th time and it’s ok at first then it reverts back to being the same old way. But I felt upset without him or was that the loneliness I felt? I just don’t know what do and all these facts are literally me totally on how I feel about him and the relationship. It’s selfish and I need to end it and let him move on. I just don’t want to make an effort with him anymore, I don’t get excited with him or anything.
I am right there with you right now to a T however I keep pushing to keep it together. Why? How do I get strong enough to end it and move on.
i have been with my husband 27years. married for7 years. we have t been physical for about 17 years, not me but him. every time I bring up the subject, he tells me not this subject again, so now I say nothing. I needd this in my marriage, but he doesn’t seem to care. I feel unloved.
Lie seems to be the culprit. Looks like both are seasoned at that skill. Love lies in lies. If he is aging with simile attached, is time turning backwards for you?
How is ‘a woman i love dearly’ turning to ‘poison’ by the comment end?
If he is turning old, is time travelling reverse for you?
Compatibility display.
Don’t know where to start ever since I started following this page has helped me realize that I am with the wrong man, am pregnant his 2nd kid and it’s sooo hard that he doesn’t care what happens around me , doesn’t even check me during the day work, when I get home I find him on his phone , he gets to bed midnight ..he sidelines me in everything I don’t feel appreciated at all I cry myself to sleep every night , when I tell him how hard this pregnancy is he’d be like it’s not your 1st u should know mos what to do …yhoooo I am wasting my time here and it hurts sooooo bad.
Amen to this article being published
This is absolutely true, I was in such River and I should know the strength of the waters
I feel like Lydia from Beetlejuice…except he ain’t forcing me—I’m a willing welcome mat. SMH. Every guy I’ve dated has cheated on me. After my last breakup, I swore off dating. But here sneaks my current (days are numbered for sure) guy selling this bs I should have known better than to believe! I really threw everything I had in a relationship with him. For five years he was the man of my dreams. In March (my birthday) he cheated on me. The one thing we agreed to never do before we got together. Now we have an autistic 3 year old along with kids from previous relationships…& a house. I can’t believe he faked being in love, being soulmates, & pretended we would be together forever. I am so done with even trying, I pick Beetlejuices every single time, so I’m gonna change it up & pick myself this time around! Sorry for the too-much-info word vomit, but I of course let him chase off all my friends (& my true family members that loved me have passed away) so I don’t have anyone to vent too. I hope everyone finds what they are looking for, & what they deserve! best wishes!
I completely can relate took the words outta my brain.
You talk as long as you want. I know more than just myself related to your story and needed to know they weren’t alone. Thank you for sharing. Your a smart lady…you can’t change the past but you can change your future! Maybe stay single for a while and get to know yourself and I’ll help you pick out somebody that better fits you know you deserve better than that! Be choosey…it’s more like…who is worthy of you of your love? You only live once so make a good choice on who deserves to be your happily ever after! Good luck and take care!
OMG!!! The part about ***ALL YOUR TRUE FAMILY MEMBERS WHO LIVED YOU HAVE ALL PASSED AWAY*** IM SO FRIGGEN THERE, during this whole charade of a “relationship” I’ve had to bury my sister, 2 years later my rock solid Dad. I’m such a a punk crying while I reply to your post, but I just had to let you know that I GET YOU. I UNDERSTAND MORE THAN ID LIKE & IM SORRY YOU FEEL ALL THIS PAIN OF A TRASH A** RELATIONSHIP & IM ASSUMMING COMPLETE HELPLESS EMPTINESS THAT NO ONE CAN HEAL. Hoping life takes a spin fir better in your favor of course cause I hate the fact that there’s another female out there that feels the way I do & living my life which I would never wish upon anyone! SMH, I know.
We found common ground in pain. Not the best of methods to meet new folks but@least YOURE NOT ALONE!
I am that idiot that has put myself with women that are like that…. I would question their actions only to be accused of starting a fight or being delusional and I was spot on the vast majority of the time if not every time. I lost my retirement and numerous assets too. .
Been there done that!
Help. That’s me now. What do I do to make it work
you cant change people.
Absolutely correct
Love this Do NOT do “wife work” for girlfriend wages. It’s better to be alone than to wish you were.!!
10000% Agree with you!! Us women who have been treated like this by these Jerkoff men are so much better off without them. Come on who wants a cheating controlling freak who only thinks of himself???
I’m just crying now cus every thing here describes my 7 year old relationship. That’s the things I’ve recently come to notice was happening all these time, and I’m blaming myself for not being more attentive. I can’t hold my tears anymore. I wish someone could hug me.😢😢
Spot on ! Every single one of them !
Hi ,its like u r discribing my marriage my husband cheated lied about it ,am blame me for everything ,not appreciated if I said let us talk , I do most of talking am tired of trying
The reason you all keep attracting the these types of men is because that’s where you are putting your energy at. You all obsess about what he is doing that makes you unhappy. Well that’s energy thoughts are energy. And go out and attract the same thing and bring it back. Try thinking of what he does that is good. What you love. Thinking and saying negative things create a negative atmosphere therefore inviting more negativity. And thus spreads to the environment around you you so that even the people you are with start to think negatively. Think good happy thoughts. Clean your home open windows invite love and happiness in and I bet your life changes.. fast. As soon as start to think negative .. stop and change your train of thought!! Best to all if you.
This is why it should never be said that love is a verb and not an emotion. The truth is that if you are truly in love, you will naturally be loving toward the other person. But it was misconstrued and people were saying that all you needed was to find a good person and act toward them in loving ways. There was no need to feel in love in the romantic sense. This is still pushed. This thinking leads to settling for a platonic relationship rather than true love. True love is both feeling and action. If someone truly loves you, they will act like it. Please get things right before passing it on.
Want to know why so many of you ladies agree with this? It’s because it’s bias geared towards the female mind set. A relationship is a work in progress and a lot of you ladies think you’re good as is and that is usually far from the truth. While a man can except a challenge to improve, women interpret that same type of challenge as criticism. Ego… no need to improve. Please. From the moment girls were set to play together, you naturally cooperated and soothed eachothers’ feelings. Same with advice. You sooth eachothers’ feelings instead of giving hard truths. This piece is a fine example of coddling. Serves nothing except make one side of the equation feel better about themselves and doesn’t improve anything.
Nailed it 100%.
There’s a lot of female’s commenting on this, but let me say that my wife always wants to argue with me when she drinks her beer, which is everyday. She constantly accuses me of cheating on her and I never have nor would I ever. I tell her that the one that accuses is the one that is usually cheating. She says I work all the time. (She works in a hospital). We’ve been together 11 years and married 5. She never talks to me, she always yells at me. this is not a healthy relationship and it’s not fair to me. I have health issues and on disability. She knows that my time is running out and I don’t think she cares.
I’ve been with my boyfriend 4 17 years now. I’m not a dumb women, I’ve been in relationships b4 and had all of the above problems. I see it all just like a person on the outside looking at someone else’s relationship and knowing who’s in the wrong and what things are being done that aren’t right. I see all the signs in the relationship I’m in now. He doesn’t appreciate anything I do, never has showed or said he does, he has never made any holiday(my bday, valentines day, Christmas, etc.)feel special, never said happy bday or bought me anything for any holiday, ever! I can’t tell him my feelings cuz it always turns into an argument. He makes it like I’m just lying about how much he hurts me. He shows no attraction to me, no desire, nothing. For the 1st 10 years he would push me away all the time, he didn’t ever want to be intimate with me, but a day that I practically begged him and was crying to him why he didn’t want me I catch him doing things without me in the shower. That was a total slap in the face, I’ve never felt so insecure about myself in my life like I do since I caught that. He doesn’t care that he hurts me. I do everything, I pay the bills, which Ive been struggling and stressed about how I was gonna pay them cuz he lost his job and hasn’t bothered to look for another 1 to help me. Mind u, in the 17 years of being with him he’s worked maybe a total of 3 of those years and that’s pushing it, no more than those 3 if that. I feel used. I feel settled for. U know when 2 people that r falling in love can look at each other from across the room and they will both get those butterflies and just feel that desire 4 one another, we’ll he told me that I made him feel uncomfortable when I looked at him at one point, that hurt me so bad, like really, is that how u feel when u r in love with someone. I could go on cuz there is so many other things that have shown me my boyfriend doesn’t really love me, he’s just using me, but nothing ever changes and he says he loves me but doesn’t show it to back up his words and he won’t leave, just stays and continues to be the same way with me. I don’t know what to do. I want to be happy some of my life before I die. But I don’t want to be alone. Life wasn’t meant for people to be alone, I want to be happy with someone that wants the same things I do. Someone who’s gonna treat me like I’m important to them and special to them. I’m I wrong or ?
Omo …I think it’s true
story of my Life…. Lord I need you.
Most of the answers above are relationships asking: (What To Do)
Please read what ‘Kathy’ Or ‘Alex'(Separately) say as above. That is the proper ANSWERS!! Believe me!