Losing a loved one is devastating, it has happened to all of us. But what makes us human and strong is how we choose to deal with those losses and keep moving forward. Today’s story is about a man who lost his brother. His brother’s fiancé shared his grief and the two became close. But as soon as they made things official, their family started distancing themselves from the fiancé.
The Story
Redditor, stillunsureabout, shared his story on AITA (Am I the A**hole?) to ask whether he’s wrong for demanding his family to support his decision and respect the woman. He wrote:
“This happened 3 yrs after my brother Todd passed away. I (32M) was pretty devastated honestly. My whole family was. At the time I was working in a different state, after those 3 years I moved back home. So everyone knows everyone back home and that’s how me and Mia (who was Todd’s fiancée before he passed) met at a friend’s birthday. We had not seen eachother in so long. So we became friends after that.”
“And months later we realized we liked eachother more than just friends but neither of us told anyone about our relationship. Not until 6 months later when the relationship was serious. Of course my family was against it. My mom especially didn’t want to talk to either of us for a while. Mia got pregnant 7 months after that.”
“Before when it was only us in a relationship everyone just wanted to keep distance. But once they heard she was pregnant all hell broke lose. My sister was the most vicious because she started telling everyone we were sleeping together before my brother passed with how ‘quickly’ we moved on to be together.”
“None of it was true obviously. I never would’ve done something that awful to my own brother. There’s also the fact that we didn’t even live in the same state.”
“It got so ugly. Some in Mia’s family started questioning if it was true, others believed what my family was saying. My mom told me she didn’t have a son anymore for disrespecting my brother’s memory. It was so hurtful for both of us. We decided to move a couple hours away and blocked everyone to start fresh. We are happily married, our son is 3 years old and expecting our second little one.”
“My family now wants to make amends so they can be part of our lives. My mom an sister have apologized so many times on the phone. That they let their grief make them react horribly to the news when they never should have treated me that way. I can get grief making you do things you normally wouldn’t because it happened to me.”
“My wife and I talked it over. We decided that we would only consider if they not only apologized to my wife but made a public announcement online and admit all the lies they made up about our ‘affair’.”
“My family is refusing because they’re embarrassed an ashamed of what they did and it would be too hard since everyone who’s see it still live around them. My mom says she understands what they put us through but to please not make this any harder on them when we can just make amends now. But I haven’t changed my mind. My dad keeps asking how heartless am I to want to make them humiliate themselves to all the people.”
“He thinks it’s beyond petty since my mom and everyone already learned their lesson and why am I trying to out her through more after losing Todd and she just wants her family back.”
“I’m not sure if it’s really that I’m being too harsh on them for how they acted in their grief or this is a reasonable request after what they did. AITA?”
The Responses
Reddit’s community supported this man for holding his ground and for doing what he did. For context, NTA means “Not the A**hole.” Here are some of the top comments:
bubbsnana wrote:
“Here’s a proper apology/amends:”
- “Here’s what I did….”
- “This is why it was wrong….”
- “Here’s what I’m doing to make things right….”
- “Is there anything else you can think of that I can do to help me right my wrongdoing?”
“They’re not there yet. They’re sorry- but not that sorry. Maybe someday they’ll learn to not force you to accept their amends, and actually feel remorseful enough to make a true apology.”
“Definitely NTA”
FoodandDrinks9 said:
“NTA”
“Public disrespect = Public Apology Congratulations on your second child!”
ShadowCoon commented:
“NTA. They spent a great deal of time insulting, humiliating and making up lies about you and your wife not just amongst themselves, but in front of other people as well. What they did caused a lot of hurt and damage and while apologizing to you is an important first step, asking them to publicly acknowledge and apologize for the inappropriateness of their behavior is perfectly reasonable.”
“I’ll be perfectly frank: if they were genuinely sorry for what they’d done, there wouldn’t be any level of hesitation on their part in fulfilling your request. You’re not asking them to “humiliate themselves” nor “making this harder on them;” you’re asking them to take real responsibility for their actions in front of all of the people they destroyed your reputation with. If they can’t do that, then things can stay exactly as they are. Do not let them try to talk you out of your request because it is understandable.”
This post has over 1700 comments, you can read them on Reddit here.
What’s Your Take?
What’s your say on this man’s situation? Share your take in the comments below.
Source: Reddit
They want to be grandparents and auntie. They don’t genuinely care about your heart or your wive’s. Family counseling is the way to get back together. Then if you still need the public apology, they will understand why and do it for you. Do what you can to give your children their grandparents and any cousins. Your family was grieving and people do crazy stuff. Take the first step of privately forgiving them in your heart.
Life is short.
I agree with comments above.
Because THEY took these things out of proportion, going online and spreading among friends and family, it is only correct with a public and official apology, telling the truth of things.
Anything less is just to escape responsibility and showing that they are not truly sorry or interested to really mend things.