The Lessons I’ve Learned – My Story On Trust
Before you guys start reading this article, I would just like to say that this is the most personal piece of writing I’ve ever completed. I know I announced this article last week, apologies for the delay as I kept on adding new life moments to it and it finally got done now. This article is going to be about my life, the happy moments, the traumas, the heartache, the trust gained and lost and about everything else pertaining to love.
A Little About Me
Before we begin, I would like to introduce myself a little better, to try and sort of take off that mask I have on. I am one of the two founders of Relationship Rules. As you all know, we are two guys (ages 25 and 26), I’m the one who’s 25 years old (I write all of the articles and some of the rules) and me and my best friend thought of creating this page out of the sheer need to share our experiences with everyone and label them simply as "rules". Now for the sake of the policy me and my friend made together, we sadly can’t reveal our identities so I’m not going to name any names in this article. Again, this article is very personal to me, it was very painful putting all of it in words so if it seems a little immature at some point I apologize in advance, I’ll try keeping it as professional as possible.
You guys can call me "A", because that’s the letter my name starts with. I’m a med-school dropout, never had any interest in medicine or becoming a doctor. I always used to dream of having an IT business and I loved designing (I also design all the artwork for the page). So during the middle of my fourth year, I dropped out and started a small company from scratch. Then I met "Z", my best friend and co-founder of Relationship Rules, we both started from humble beginnings and now own a huge IT business with multinational partners. This story begins when I first got into med-school and I fell in love with this senior of mine, my first love. Let’s begin.
My First Love
It was the middle of my first year at med-school when I first saw her. We’ll call her "M" for the sake of anonymity. She was beautiful, she was also a senior so I had no idea how to look cool or appropriate enough to talk to her. After a lot of talking to myself in the mirror, I finally got the courage to be the coolest junior in college (just kidding, I wussed out and asked her for some of her medicine notes). She found me really funny, we became friends. That’s when I first got to experience the feeling of love, the butterflies in the stomach, the enormous amount of importance someone finally gets in your life, the "I can’t live without her" constantly ringing in my head. So after three months of being good friends, I whipped up the courage to tell her how I feel and to my surprise she told me she felt the same way. I can not even begin to explain how I felt at that moment, it was beautiful. Sounds like a cute love story, right? Keep reading.
Efforts In Vain
Within two months of the relationship, I started to get the feeling that she keeps asking me to buy her things I can’t buy. And I always wanted to give her whatever she asked for because I hated saying no to her, so I tried my best. Now keep in mind that I’m a med-school student with no bank accounts, cars, or anything except for my books and my feelings. She always had to show off to her friends that she has everything and her boyfriend gives her whatever she wants, I couldn’t see this before because I was too blinded to ever think of myself or say no to her needs. So her birthday was coming up and I just HAD to make sure it was nothing less than GRAND! Since I always wanted to design, I made custom invitation cards for all of her friends with their sketched out faces drawn in each individual card. I saved up around $250 and reserved a good pizza place near my college. I bought her her favorite perfume (Versace Crystal Noir), a CHI hair straightener and a cute little teddy bear. She had a best friend who she lost touch with because of her studies, I got her friend’s information and secretly invited her to the birthday party. The party began, everyone came on time and the private party room was filled with balloons and birthday decorations. "M" was super happy to see the huge cake I custom made for her and the basket of said gifts. Right in the middle, her old best friend showed up and "M" was simply ecstatic to see her. The party ended nicely with everyone leaving with smiles on their faces, it was just me and her now and we were talking about each other, it was very romantic when she kept thanking me for the awesome party.
Suddenly, she gets a text from one of her friends and she gets upset. I asked her what’s wrong, she said "my friend is angry, she said your boyfriend didn’t talk to us nicely at the party" and she starts getting angry at me. Now keep in mind that I had been pre-planning the party for over three months and she just tells me I should have been nicer to her friends and forgets the entire party and every effort I put in the entire thing (I was nothing but nice to her friends, they were just hard to please and I was paying attention to my girlfriend because it was HER party). So the night ended with me crying on the bus back home (yeah, I mentioned I didn’t have a car back then) and my girlfriend not talking to me. Still sounding like an awesome love story? Where’s the part about trust? Keep reading.
My Mind Became My Own Enemy
So for a few days, she didn’t talk to me properly. After that event, I just felt broken from the inside like someone took the life out of me. I felt alone, helpless and no one to run to. I started noticing that she kept texting someone all the time we were together. She suddenly became really "close friends" with a guy from her class. He was a senior of mine, he had a car, a lot of money and a lot of power so I couldn’t confront him. So it’s almost 8 months of being together and I keep seeing her being closer and closer with her "friend", we were still together but I really didn’t feel like I was in a relationship anymore. I started feeling like I was going to be the victim of what everyone kept calling "cheating". I had seen it in movies and read about it in books but I never thought I’d have to go through it myself. I couldn’t take it anymore so I finally confronted her and asked her what’s going on between her and her "friend", she told me to be more mature and not blame her for something she hadn’t done. So I stopped asking her about him. I was in second year of med-school by this time and I wanted to just get married to her. She told me her family would never have me because I’m "merely a college student with no job", so I started looking for jobs.I applied to a few local design houses and all of them rejected me saying "I’m not skilled enough". After a few days of being the victim of insane rejection from every local company and feeling like I’m in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love me, I find out that my father is cheating on my mom. Here comes my first "Trust Experience".
My First Trust Experience
I was in class, lost in the thoughts of "M" laughing with her close friend and having a blast with him, feeling like no one loves me and no one sees the pain I’m in when suddenly I get a call from my mom. I’m the only child of the family and I’m very close to my mother, she was crying on the phone and I couldn’t quite understand what she was saying. So I excused myself from class and caught the first bus to my house. I came home to see my father (who has always been very abusive toward me for as long as I can remember) screaming at my mother and my mother almost half dead crying. I ask them what’s wrong and my dad slaps me and tells me to mind my own business. I ask mom and she told me "your father is leaving us for someone else". I looked at my dad and asked him why, he just left the room. I didn’t know what to do, where would I take my mom? I have no money. My mom has enough to last for two months. No apartment rent is low enough for us.
No Hope, No Love, No Support
While all of these thoughts are raging in my mind, I called "M" to cry to her and ask for some love and support. She didn’t pick up and just messaged me that she’s busy with friends, so I ran to my dad and asked him to not do it and to not make mom suffer through this ordeal. I went to my uncle and aunt and asked them to stop dad, everybody scolded me and asked me to not interfere. So this is when I first fell like one of the people who I trusted with my life, broke that trust. My own father, someone who I looked up to no matter how abusive he was, just left us and didn’t even think of the conditions we’ll be in, didn’t think of how I’ll afford med-school on my own when my mom has nothing but her jewellery to sell. This, my friends, was my first experience of trust and my father was the one to make me face it. I’m not going to lie, I’m really teary eyed right now while writing this, it’s been four years since this happened but I still remember it like it was yesterday. So my dad didn’t actually kick us out, he just gave us one room in the house and brought the other woman to live with us. My house, my childhood, my memories, everyone I felt in this glorious place, lost in a split second. Me and my mom were living in a small room while my dad and his new wife had the rest of the house and my dad told everyone that he’s taking care of all of us. I still remember coming back home one day to see my mother overdosed on sleeping pills with tears in her eyes, dad wasn’t around so I got a cab and took my mom to the hospital, we actually laugh about this day now when we discuss it but it was horrible. So this was the time of my life when I lost all respect and trust for my father, I stopped studying and I started asking my friends to get me webdesign projects. I used to stay home with my mom and do small-time projects (worth $150 to $300) but during this time I became friends with some one really powerful political figure (who is one of my closest friends today). I still didn’t have enough money to take my mother out of that hell hole we called a house. Think it can’t get any worse? Now comes my second "Trust Experience".
Faith In Love, Lost
Keep in mind that I’m still in a "relationship" right now. "M" knew I wasn’t going to college anymore and was staying at home to take care of my depressed mother. One day, I had to go to college to get some paperwork of mine, and what do I see in the parking lot? Well, to put it in easy words so I don’t start crying again, I saw my "girlfriend" and her "close friend" doing stuff in his car. She saw me and stopped, but I didn’t have anything else to say anymore so I silently left. This was the first time I actually felt how horrible it is to get cheated on, it’s painful beyond imagination. This was my second "Trust Experience". I was already going through the amazing life my dad was making me go through and now I had the demons of being cheated on haunting me in my dreams. So I started taking sleeping pills to help me get three hours of sleep at night. Don’t worry, this story isn’t all bad, good times are ahead.
Life Starts Getting Better
So after a few months of mourning the loss love from my life, I get a call from the co-founder of this page today. He told me to start working with him and he had an awesome business idea, I had nothing to lose so I started working with him. To my surprise, my "useless skills" were actually pretty good for my age and I started making $900 per month with "Z". I started going back to college again and my mom was getting back to health because she had accepted what happened. I saved up and hired a lawyer to help me with the house situation. A day later, my dad was presented with this beautiful piece of paper that told him what he owed me and my mother. Soon after, I noticed my dad and his new wife started fighting more and more. A few days later, my dad comes to our room and apologizes to me and my mother and tells us that he’s leaving that woman and he doesn’t want to lose his son and loving wife. I had nothing to say to him because I had no respect left for him and not a decimel of trust for him, my mom still forgave him though (I still don’t understand really how strong she is). My life started appearing normal again, my dad left that woman, I was earning a nice amount of money for being 21 years old and I was studying again. Let me remind you again, I lost respect and trust for my dad and I still have none for him to this day.
Faith In Love, Restored
So I started going to college again, this is when I became friends with a very nerdy girl from my class because I needed help studying for the papers and to get up to speed with everything I missed out on. We became really close friends in a spam of four months and I told her everything I went through, she started crying when she heard my story and told me I’m an amazing person for coming out of it so strong. She started supporting me more than I’d ever asked for, she started skipping her classes to teach me, stayed late in college in the library with me so I don’t fail in my finals and did almost everything I could never expect from another human being. I had completely lost faith in love and trust by now but it slowly started coming back. For the sake of the article, I’ll name her "T". I started feeling something for her, but I couldn’t ever allow myself to love again so I never said anything. A few more months passed by and I never slept without talking to her for at least an hour on the phone and she used to wake me up for college every morning. One fine and beautiful day, we decided to have lunch at a nice place near college (I still don’t have a car yet) so we take the bus together. She was from a very well-off and noble family but she did not mind taking the bus with me. We arrive at the restaurant, order our appetizers and she suddenly holds my hands and tells me she loves me. I was in a state of shock. The feelings I thought were lost forever suddenly started coming back, my heart beat was insane at this point. I had tears in my eyes and for some reason I became a mute. She got up and hugged me, I finally was able to say "I love you, too". That was one of the happiest days of my life, I started trusting her and she trusted me with everything. It was beautiful.
The Perfect Relationship
"T" and I were together for three beautiful years. I never once looked at her phone and she never cared for mine because we both trusted each other with everything. That was the first time I ever experienced "Blind Trust", it’s an amazing feeling, it feels like you’re complete and nothing can break you. My ex tried bullying her when she saw how happy we were together but "T" was one strong lady, she shut her up to never interfere again. It felt like my life was complete, I was looking at a very bright future in my industry, I didn’t care much for studying because my dad made me stop caring about being a doctor and he made my mind think of my own business. Me and "T" were madly in love with each other, we were perfect, everyone wanted to be like us, we were literally a "power couple". Sadly, life isn’t a walk in the park. Keep on reading.
The Sad Ending
It was just like every other day, when I saw that "T" was very sad for some reason. I kept asking her but she kept changing the topic with a beautiful smile on her face. But I never stopped asking so she finally told me what it was that’s bothering her. Her dad wasn’t happy with our relationship because my family wasn’t from a "noble background" and it mattered a lot to him. He didn’t care about my business or my salary, he just cared about my family background. I tried talking to him but to no avail. His final words were "you can marry her, but you’ll never have my blessing". That’s when things started getting sad between us. I wanted to marry her but she was an amazing person and I just couldn’t give her the burden of being married to a guy her dad isn’t happy with. I didn’t want her to not be blessed at her wedding, the most important day of her life. So after a lot of crying and hugging, we decided to not take it any further and just part ways. She still isn’t married to this day because she’s a doctor and she wants to be independent before she gets married and we still talk every now and then. We just don’t talk too much because it reminds us of the time we were together and we get sad. I still support her whenever she asks for it and she’s always there for me. I just wanted you guys to know, life has its own story no matter how hard we try writing it ourselves. Does it still make me sad? Yes. But it also makes me happy to know I wasn’t the reason of her family cutting her off. If any of you is going through a difficult time with your partner, I’d still tell you to give it your all before giving up. I know I did. Never leave anything to regret it later.
My Life Today
So after a while, I dropped out of med-school to give undivided attention to my business. My life today is nothing less than amazing. "Z" and I are best friends and business partners. We run an IT company that’s partnered with several multinational companies. And yes, I have a pretty sweet ride too. We started off this page together, we meet every other day and always put friendship before business. This is the part where I felt the element of "Trust in Friendships". Friends are important. I have about five really close friends who I trust with everyone and who have been there for me through thick and thin, people who I’d do anything in the world for. People I go on vacations with, people who trust me with their families and treat me like family. Trust is the beacon of hope, it makes us live and move forward. I can not imagine my life without my friends. About the relationship front, I never really found anyone better than "T" so I’m currently single and enjoying every bit of it. Who knows, maybe I’ll find someone some day, but not today. That was it for my life story, now for some lessons.
Lesson One: Be Careful
Be very careful with who you trust. The element of trust is very easy to break forever, and once it’s broken it really never goes back to how it was. Imagine a broken piece of glass, no matter how hard you try you just can’t put it back to its original form, trust works the same way. So before you start trusting someone, make sure you’ve tested them out enough. If you just blindly start trusting someone you hardly know, you have no one to blame but yourself if you get hurt later.
Lesson Two: Dealing With Cheating
If your trust got broken even after you thought it never could be, you’re the only one who can help yourself get through it. Ask yourself a few questions. Can it come back again? Do you want to stay with someone who broke your trust? Was it a one-time mistake? You’ll know the answer yourself. People make mistakes, but some mistakes are harder to forgive and forget than others. It’s completely up to you to give that person a second chance or to walk away while you still have even a small amount of trust left in your life to give to someone else.
Lesson Three: Cherish People
If someone gives you all of their trust and support, cherish them! Cherish every second with them! Don’t tell them you’re busy, no matter how busy you may be, always find time for the people who are there for you. Don’t put yourself in a position you might regret later, because you can never go back in time to reverse your mistakes, the easiest and simplest way is to just not make that mistake. Cherish the people you love, with all of your heart and soul.
Lesson Four: Second Chances
Everyone deserves a second chance, right? Wrong! Second chances are given to those who truly are sorry for what they did and aren’t just saying it. Be very careful with second chances, because you may very easily get hurt again. In my case, I never gave "M" or my dad second chances because their actions were just so horrible that I could never get myself to forget what they did. I’m not saying you shouldn’t give someone you love a second chance, but just be careful.
That’s about it. I hope you guys enjoyed reading the story of my life and learned something from it. Something that actually applies on my life is that there’s always light at the end of the tunnel. There is always a silver lining. Never, I mean NEVER, lose hope no matter how hard your life may seem. You will go through it and conquer it like no other. I still think of the days when I was depressed and almost suicidal, and I always smile when I look at my life today. The point of creating this page and writing personal articles was to let you guys know, we are here with you, you aren’t alone in your sufferings. I’m going to go wash my eyes of the happy and sad tears now. Thank you all, stay blessed and love each other. Lots of love, A.
So turns out, I did find someone like "T", better than her in fact. I write more about her in my article here.