Cheating is one of the most challenging and most painful ordeals in relationships; there’s no doubt about it. Most of us can’t comprehend fixing things after being cheated on, but many of us actually try to forgive and forget.
Today’s Reddit story is about a wife who got cheated on by her husband, and he had an “affair baby” with the other woman. While she forgave him for cheating, she’s still unable to come to terms with the baby.
In such conditions, we don’t think it’s the baby’s fault – babies are pure and should be loved regardless; it’s not their fault.
Reddit user Consistent_Field_900 posted her story on AITA (Am I the A**hole?), asking whether she’s doing the right thing or not. She wrote:
“My (f38) husband (m48) has a child from an affair he had a couple years ago. I forgave my husband but I can not force myself to see his son as my stepson. The custody arraignment is that my husband has him every other week , Christmas and most Christmas vacation this year, falls on the days that he has him. I have an annual trip that me and few of the other housewives put together for all of families. His ex-mistress, Leah is refusing to take him for just this week I told her she’s being selfish and that she should want to spend Christmas with her son she said that so should my husband . My husband agreed with me so we decided we would drop him and his presents off to my MIL. When Leah found out she was furious she said I’m being selfish I told her she’s the last one to be talking about being selfish and she has so control over what my husband does with the child during the time he has custody of him. My oldest daughter (f18) told me she agrees with Leah and that there’s no reason why he’s being punished for their affair . I told her to stay in a child’s place and that if she keeps this up she’ll be joining him”
The Responses
Reddit’s community went against this wife for taking out all of her resentment of the baby boy. For context, YTA means “You’re the A**hole.” Here are some of the best responses:
beans129 simply said:
“YTA evil stepmother much?”
PurinsesuNatsumi wrote:
“YTA, it sounds like you’re taking your anger out that you SHOULD have towards your husband on a child. That’s rude, and that poor kid has to deal with the fallout just because he’s exists.”
PunchBeard commented:
“YTA”
“Besides being mean to a small child who has done nothing wrong and punishing them because you won’t punish your husband (which makes me wonder why) the way you reacted to your daughter shows some real “Evil Stepmom” vibes going on. I’m sort of curious how you managed to find a husband with that attitude and not really surprised he cheated on you.”
Legitimate-Chair6580 chimed in:
“YTA.”
“I understand your anger. I wouldn’t want to be around my husbands affair child. However, my husband would be my ex husband. That child is forever tied to your husband and his choices are permanent. If you didn’t want to see the kid then you should’ve left your husband instead of subjugating him to mistreatment. If you hate him then you hate him, don’t be around something that makes you a demon.”
Half_Man1 spoke facts:
“YTA”
“If you can’t accept his son you haven’t forgiven him.”
“You do not have the right to speak to your adult daughter like that. You are being needlessly cruel.”
Bettutita responded:
“I get how you feel, it’s a really difficult situation, but that child didn’t do anything bad and yet you are punishing him. You have every right to be angry with your husband and the other woman, but not with him. YTA”
This post has over 2.8k comments, you can read them on Reddit here.
Our Take
YTA. It’s not the baby’s fault – simple. Babies are innocent; anger or resentment shouldn’t be taken out on them because of someone else’s mistake. This wife either needs to learn to accept the baby or move on with her life.
What’s Your Take?
What’s your take on this wife’s situation? Let us know in the comments below!
Source: Reddit
The baby being left with Grandma is not usually considered “cruel” treatment.
Thank you.
I can understand the pain this would cause you. But you need to get your head on straight. This child is your daughters sibling for starts, and its it no fault of his that he came out of an affair. If you decided to stay you need to put that baggage away and treat the child with love and respect and as a part of the family. He is apart of both your husband and daughter and is innocent of any wrong doing. Your 18 year old daughter is totally correct.
I agree with Carey 100%. It is not this baby’s fault that he was born out of an affair. He has no knowledge about that and her husband loves him enough that he wants him to be with him every other week. The 18 yo daughter obviously has her head on right. I don’t believe the wife truly forgave her husband for having the affair and if that is the case, she should divorce him. She better figure it out pretty soon, before long the little guy will wonder why she hates him. Not a good look on a grown woman.
so mom isn’t allowed a vacation that she plans EVERY YEAR?
I am one of those wife with an affair child but I have to be with the wife. I can’t accept the child. My husband had to choose the child over us and he chose us. She took him to court, of course, for $$$, but she lost and I won. The husband doesn’t see the child, thank god, and if he would have given visitation rights then I would do the same. The kid would be at the in laws house every other weekend since she isn’t welcome at mine.
That’s me and nobody should have an opinion about it unless they are in the situation. I am not a monster but I don’t accept people that doesn’t belong in my circle.
Sorry but not sorry
Wow your husband sounds like a piece of sh*t if he chose you over his own kid. I wouldn’t brag about that much. The kid didn’t choose to be born but you guys chose to be selfish pieces of sh*t.
I get what you mean but leaving the kid at grandma’s isn’t a bad thing. I don’t understand why the mom is mad the baby is with grandma….
NTA, I think everyone is going on the wrong foot here. 1. The lady is NOT a stepmom, she didn’t marry someone with kids…..the Affair lady Leah probably only had the kid thinking that it would make the guy leave his wife for sure and it didn’t work. 2 all custody arrangements can change, plans were already set, so the Affair lady Leah instead of being nice and oh I would love to spend xmas with MY child instead is…oh let me wreak your plans and call you names and try and wreck your marriage again and Affair Leah probably had plans with another married man and this would wreck her chance…….Now if this was a normal family-dad, mom and two kids and they decided to leave the baby with MIL none of you would boo hoo a word about it. 3. This one incident doesn’t make an evil step mom, there is nothing to say how she treats this child any other time….. the daughter should stay out of her parents marriage and how close is this Affair Leah to the daughter???????? Look at it from all angles. That Affair Leah is the real trouble maker and looks like she will not stop til she breaks up that marriage……………..yes, blame the husband for stepping out but don’t over look the home wrecker that is still trying to wreck a home.
You can’t wreck a home that’s already broken. For your significant other to even think of cheating that shows that your home is already broken. If you choose to stay with someone with a kid then you have to know the price that comes with it.
I don’t see her as the A88hole b/c she didn’t leave the child in the car, she didn’t leave him with strangers, she even asked his mom to keep him. She tried different methods to work in this scenario. Most people calling her an A88hole have never even been near this type of thing. It is obvious that she constantly deals with the child. The father has accepted his role and he accepts custody. Most people are judging the fact that she isn’t having a good time dealing. If she was leaving her child with the grandparents b/c she needed a break, you’d commend her but b/c it’s another’s child, she’s judged. I think she likely should have left the marriage. Her daughter can voice an opinion but you are always your mother’s daughter and not her parent, period. 18 DOES NOT mean “time to check your parents”. That shows a lack of respect. She should know the pain her mom endured. Even if the mom isn’t the nicest person but she has been through a lot. Maybe she needs her own personal therapy. IDK. But who wants their husband’s affair bastard just ruining their plans? The mistress and husband has ruined enough. She didn’t abuse the kid. He is with his grandparents and his mom is the A88hole for intentionally leaving the kid in an unwanted situation. I wouldn’t want my child to be anywhere they weren’t wanted but you all are ok with a mistress continuing to interfere with a family? Crazy. I hope you all can learn what that is like from experience. NTA… to me
That child did nothing to make himself “unworthy” of being loved by anyone!! Pure evil to hold him responsible for bad behaviors of others. He is an innocent victim of his circumstances and deserves to be treated and loved as an equal to all other siblings. step. adopted, or otherwise. Everyone should put themselves in the place of the person in question when they are deciding to be cruel to another…what is to be benifitted by hurting and disassociating this child for something he had no input decisions about his unfortunate circumstances????
Luckily my almost same situation happened but the whore miscarried. If the pregnancy would have been successful I told my husband he would have to choose between his current family and them. If he chose to be in the child’s life then we would have divorced. But staying me and our children, I would have required him to end his parental rights. Not that it’s the child’s fault but I refuse to have him interact on any level with that thing he was with including co-parenting. You’re not the Asshole!
YTA, as many have said quite simply the child is innocent and your husband is the one at fault. period full stop. you could have divorced the man but chose not to and now you punish the child, who had no choice, instead of the MAN who made the choices that led to your situation. you are being cruel is as simple as it gets. if you cant accept the child when he, by court order, has to be in your care you should separate from the man and give him visitation of his daughter. so that the siblings can support each other. because the “adults” in this situation arent supporting anyone. otherwise pull up your big girl panties and stop punishing the innocent because you cant be adult enough to punish the actual perpetrator of the crime.
I think that your 18 yr old daughter is being more mature than her mom.
Yes, it is not the child’s fault and she should have kicked the husband to the curb, but people love to judge, lest they be judged. Unless you were cheated on and there is a child as a result of it, you cannot say SHITE! The betrayed spouse is dealing as best as she can and maybe she could do with some therapy, but it is unfair to crucify her, the comments are disgusting, rude and downright mean. I bet all those nasty comments are from people who never had to go through such a shit show in their lives.
If she has a problem with the child, then she still has a problem with her husband.
NO CHILD should be left to feel unwanted.
If you can’t accept that baby despite the circumstances then they should divorce and move.
When I was a teen, my stepmother told me she despised my weekends because I was a constant reminder of my mother….I vowed that day if there ever came a time I was with someone who had children that I would never make his children feel the way I did. She should leave and let him establish a relationship with that child without her getting in the way.
The dates are usually known beforehand whose holiday / weekend it is. Hubby made the baby so Hubby should take care of Baby. Wife can, if she chooses, go on with vacay plans. Hubby didn’t want to stay back either. However, Grandma took the child and so it all worked out. Now , EX, wanted to control another woman’s house. Nope. She cannot dictate what that couple does . She’s probably pissed b/c he did not leave his wife and they are together. Lesson learned.
Definitely, YTA! I’m in my forties & was a child whose father was married to another woman by the time time my mother gave birth to me. It’s horrible to grow up knowing you aren’t wanted. Have educated myself over the years & decided it’s better for me to not have my father in my life as an adult. Luckily I was able to grow into an empathetic, intelligent and considerate person because of own experiences and feel anybody who behaves this way is very immature! Wife would have been well aware of the custody agreement & who would be in which house for the holidays, this was a deliberate plan to once again make her husband ‘choose’ her. I think she is very insecure and this is extremely unhealthy for everyone involved. It makes me feel really sad, even just reading how people are commenting!
Her reaction to this situation shows she has not fully forgiven her husband. She only forgave the act so she can still be with her husband.
I would have divorced him. He cheated once most likely will cheat again. No but why should you have to deal with the child.
As far as I’m concerned this is not even about the child. It’s about you going on a trip without your kids or husband. Don’t succumb to mom guilt. Go!!! If you don’t you will resent it. What’s wrong with you taking a trip? Your husband can manage. The trip may give you some much needed clarity. People can say whatever they want about how you are handling the child, but they can’t speak on it if they’ve never been in that situation. I can’t speak on that, but I can tell you to go live it up on that trip!!!
So she can’t go on vacation because the Mom don’t want to keep her child until they come back? It’s really not her responsibility. She left the child with the grandma, what’s wrong with that. She didn’t leave the child hie alone like some people do. She didn’t abuse the child. I don’t think people really read the whole story.