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The Single Life

10 Reasons Why People Who Are Always Single Have A Hard Time Finding Love

Sharmaine Angela Sharmaine Angela | July 10, 2017 | 5 min read

Most of us can relate to this.

If you’re the type of person who has been single for the longest time, don’t fret, there’s a reason for that. You are growing more and more desperate as day by day, you see your friends get into relationships left and right. And there you are, staying single, just waiting for your turn at love. You don’t have to worry too much about it. You aren’t necessarily the problem. You aren’t an oddity. There are plenty of people who are like you and there is a reason as to why you can never seem to find love. In fact, there are a lot of reasons and here they are: Embracing the joys of single life can be a transformative experience. This time allows you to discover more about yourself and what you truly want in a partner. Instead of rushing into a relationship, you can focus on personal growth, hobbies, and building lasting friendships that enrich your life.

1. You are both a realist and an idealist at the same time.

You like to think of yourself as a realist and you don’t like to let your emotions take control of your actions or your direction in life. However, you are also an idealist who buys into the whole concept of magical romances and love. You so desperately want to experience the love that you see in movies and read about in books. 

2. You won’t settle for anything less than a real connection with another person.

You walk away whenever you find yourself doubting the connection or bond that you have with another person. The connection must always be palpable for you. It always has to be something that you know is able to manifest itself through words and actions. Any lack of spark is an automatic deal-breaker for you. 

3. You always like to love very deeply even though you aren’t sure that things will last.

You let yourself fall way too hard and way too quickly even when there’s no proper reason to do so. You don’t exactly close yourself off and you don’t stay guarded but that’s just a natural part of your personality. You believe too much in the power of love and you always invest yourself wholeheartedly whenever you see a glimmer of hope. 

4. You are very much familiar with the pain that is brought about by heartache.

You know the devastation that comes with heartache because you’ve been there before. You know just how emotionally traumatizing it can be to go through a heartbreaking experience and so this turns you off to the prospect of falling in love again. You try your best to stay guarded, but it’s always difficult for you to do so. You are very emotionally fragile and you are scared of exposing your vulnerabilities too much.

5. You have high standards when it comes to relationship.

Your expectations are reasonable, but they are often very difficult to meet. A lot of people will find themselves overwhelmed by whatever standards you set for your prospective relationships. They will realize their own inadequacies in trying to meet your needs. Sometimes, your high standards are what keep you from taking on opportunities for love.  Instead of focusing on unattainable standards, consider the benefits of being single and free. Embracing your independence can lead to personal growth and self-discovery, allowing you to explore your passions without compromise. This phase of life can be fulfilling in its own right, paving the way for a stronger sense of self when you do choose to engage in a relationship.

6. You have learned to be comfortable in your solitude.

Your prolonged solitude has somehow forged a certain strength within you that is rare to find in a lot of people. You don’t find yourself being dependent on the assistance and love of others. As much as you want to be in love, you also know that you can survive on your own if things don’t go according to plan. The prospect of living life alone isn’t something that would make you happy, but it isn’t something that scares you either. By understanding relationship patterns and dynamics, you are better equipped to navigate emotional landscapes, discerning what truly matters in your connections with others. This awareness allows you to build healthier relationships while preserving your independence. Ultimately, it reinforces the notion that love is a choice rather than a necessity for fulfillment.

7. You are not one who makes compromises easily.

Relationships are always going to require some sense of compromise but that’s where your problem lies. You are very reluctant to compromise your dreams, wishes, values, and principles. That’s why it can be hard for you to establish some chemistry with other people. You always refuse to be the one who budges whenever conflicts arise. 

8. You are only interested in being with people who dream as big as you do.

Very few people in the world are able to dream as big as you. That narrows down your potential pool of relationship partners substantially. It’s because you would never want to date a person who isn’t able to dream as big as you can. 

9. You are a rationalist, but you also believe in the concept of soulmates.

You are a bit of a hypocrite, but you probably knew that already. You like to ground your beliefs in logic and reason and yet, you somehow believe in the irrational concepts of soulmates and romantic destinies. There is no evidence to support the idea that there is only one perfect person out there for you but you still choose to believe it. 

10. You have a hard time finding love because not a lot of people are able to meet your needs in a relationship.

That’s the problem. It’s just that it’s hard for you to find that special person who is able to tolerate and love everything that you are. You aren’t necessarily the problem. You just have a shortage of prospects.  Many people grapple with misconceptions about love relationships, often believing that extreme compatibility is necessary for lasting happiness. The reality is that every relationship comes with its own set of challenges and imperfections, making it essential to approach them with an open mind. By re-evaluating these misconceptions, you may find a deeper understanding of what truly matters in building a meaningful connection.

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Sharmaine Angela
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Sharmaine Angela

Sharmaine is a writer and relationship columnist based in New York. She studied sociology and has spent the last seven years writing about love, identity, and what it actually takes to build something lasting with another person. Her work is sharp, culturally aware, and never afraid to ask the uncomfortable question in the room. Readers come for the insight and stay for the honesty. When she is not at her desk she is at a concert, on a long walk through her neighborhood, or texting her friends paragraphs they did not ask for.