10 Relationship Rules I Wish I Knew 10 Years Ago
Rules to remember.
Wherever you are right now, at any point in life, you look back at what you have been through and you just wish you had known better. So many things you would have done differently, that is the normal process of learning but is sadly, quite painful.
You are 19 and you wish you hadn’t chosen that jerk over the other person who seemed boring. You are 21 and you wish you hadn’t fallen for those beautiful big eyes that didn’t have a shred of guilt when you caught them cheating with your friend. You are 25 and you wish you should have given one more chance to the first love of your life. You are 30 and you wish you should have said yes’ when they asked you to marry them.
We all carry with us a bag of guilt and regrets, we try and throw them in the deepest and darkest corners of our memories but such things have a way of finding their way back. They will keep on appearing in the form of a deception, at times as a torturing relationship and sometimes simply as loneliness.
We all have either suffered or have made someone suffer in love, it happens with everyone. There is no true way of avoiding it because that’s the wheel of life, you have to learn some harsh lessons in life but learning it the smarter way might help lighten that bag of guilt.
The only smart way is to learn through other people’s experiences. Observe the mistakes they make and remind yourself not to make them in your life. Everyone can benefit from the experiences I have had, I give you these 15 rules I wish I had known 10 years ago.
1. I wish I had known to respect myself first before I gave myself to someone
When you fall in love or even if you just really, really like someone and have started dating, you unconsciously have entrusted yourself on to them. You have trusted them to protect you emotionally, physically and mentally, same goes for them.
Thus, unless and until you don’t know what is right for you and what is wrong, do not give yourself away to someone. Whether it is physical or as small as sharing your passwords. This is the kind of mistake we make with our first ever boyfriend/girlfriend. We overestimate the relationship and let ourselves go too quickly. Remember, we are worth more than that.
2. I wish I knew how some people don’t really mean what they say
Some people are more about words than actions. Be very careful if you get in a relationship with them. They will mostly fall short of what they say and the frustrating bit is that they themselves have no clue why.
So if you decide to get in a relationship with such a person, keep your expectations low, lower than what they promise, always. Or else, the only thing you will get out of this relationship is a heartbreak.
This is a bigger blow to sensitive people, people who actually believe in those words the minute they hear them because of how naive they become in love. I’m also one of those naive/sensitive people, or at least I used to be, I used to be a firm believer in words (before even seeing a trace of action). I was THAT naive, I used the thing the world is nothing but nice.
3. I wish I knew some people are just not meant to be in your life
As much as I have denied this fact in life, it happens. You fall for someone perfect and they fall for you but you just can’t keep the relationship going, no matter how hard you two try.
Even if you don’t give up and keep on trying, things do not get better for anyone and eventually end. Such people will always have a special place in your heart and let them have it because they deserve that much for they have taught you how to truly love someone. Make your peace with their memories and move on.
4. I wish I had known love doesn’t happen just once
Contrary to what people, movies and fairytales tell you, love doesn’t happen once. It happens many times, you fall in and out of love all the time. For some, it might happen once in their lives, they are lucky but for us, normal people, it happens again. You love people differently and eventually stop where you see someone you have never loved this much before, THIS MUCH!
So when you breakup, try and get back on your feet because love is again waiting for you and this time you might find someone who will stay forever.
5. I wish I had known letting go of each other’s pasts could do miracles
Everyone in life has baggage. This includes you! Loving someone means you love them the way they are, from where they belong, for their flaws and accept them with their baggage. Talking about each other’s past, exes, emotional and weak phases of life, will bring no good to the relationship. In fact, it can ruin a perfectly good relationship.
No one, not even you, owe an explanation to your current partner for what has happened in the past. That is how it should be.
6. I wish I had known forgiving was a favour I would give myself
Holding on to the pain and anger, driven from the way we have been hurt, poisons us slowly. It acts like a slow poison that we, so willingly, keep inside our bodies. It silently continues to rip us apart, whereas, we are thinking it is teaching our partners or exes a lesson.
Remember, your anger will not make a point and it will certainly not teach them a lesson, when it’s their time to learn that lesson, that is when they will truly learn it. If anything, there are more chances of your forgiveness to teach them a lesson.
7. I wish I had known love never requires anyone begging for anything
Whether it is forgiveness or their time, if you are begging for it than you should know there is something severely wrong with your relationship. If a person loves you and sees how desperately you want something but doesn’t give it to you, there could only be two reasons;
A. He just can’t; take it as a sign and part ways.
B. He doesn’t exactly loves you. In that case, again, part ways.
8. I wish I had known somethings are not mistakes
Forgetting is a mistake. Accidentally saying something is a mistake. Cheating is not!
Know that someone who has had the audacity to do it once can again compromise on their morals and do it again. Do keep yourself under the illusion that they have learned a lesson and would not do something like that again.
9. I wish I had listened to my mind
Sometimes the heart doesn’t want to listen to what our ears hear and doesn’t want to know what the eyes see. We often are blinded by our love and ignore what is right in front of our eyes. So sometimes, it is good to listen to your head, it could tell you some pretty harsh stuff but it will save you a lot of pain that will haunt you for a very long time.
10. And lastly, I wish I’d kept that second chance to myself
Contrary to popular belief, not everyone deserves a second chance in life. Now I’m not saying people don’t change, I’m just saying most people don’t have the potential to change or they just don’t want to change. Some people are just so used to their lifestyles (mistakes) that they just can’t stop being that person no matter how much it hurts someone. So before you give someone a second chance, make sure they don’t have the potential to hurt you more than they did before.
Talk to me
What is that one lesson you wish you had gotten earlier? Share them with me in the comments below. And as always, stay blessed and keep the love alive!