10 Signs He’s Absolutely Destroying Your Self-Esteem


When you’re young and in love with someone, is there really anything better in the world? You’re in a relationship with someone you’re helplessly in love with; and hopefully, this person loves you in return. And ideally, your relationship empowers you and makes you both better individuals overall.

However, not all relationships exist in ideal states. There are just some relationships that prey on insecurities and highlight vulnerabilities. There are just some relationships with environments so toxic that they can often break the people in them.

It’s very unfortunate, but the truth is that there are just so many relationships that destroy our self-esteem. Instead of giving us the courage and bravery to pursue a happy and healthy life, we are left devoid of confidence because the relationship has completely stripped us bare.

When you know that your relationship is just killing your self-esteem, it is highly likely that your partner is to blame. He’s probably the culprit. He could be acting and behaving in such a way that just diminishes your self-belief. But there is also a chance that it isn’t his fault; that maybe you just have a weak personality and that your self-esteem is continually diminishing because you have done nothing to correct it.

But how do you know exactly if your partner is in fact the one who is destroying your self-esteem? It’s important for you to know because you need to take action. You can’t allow yourself to become a doormat that always gets stepped on. You need to stand up for yourself. You need to fight for what you want but you first need to believe that you are worthy of those things. And you won’t be able to do that if you have an extremely lowered sense of self-esteem.

1. He doesn’t do anything to make you feel important.

He really doesn’t go all out for you the way that a genuine partner should in a relationship. He doesn’t make an effort to make you feel like you matter to him at all. He doesn’t do anything special for you to make you feel special to him.

2. He takes full control and calls all the shots in the relationship.

He doesn’t make you feel like he trusts you. He wants to steer the ship of the relationship all of the time. He doesn’t want to relinquish control because he doesn’t think you have what it takes to be a leader.

3. He never makes you feel like he understands you.

It’s like you are talking different languages with him. He just never does or says anything to make you feel like you are operating on the same wavelengths. And as a result, he makes you feel like your thoughts and opinions are invalid. He makes you feel like you should just keep quiet because no one is going to understand you anyway.

4. He is always stirring up the drama pot.

He likes to stir up drama; and by doing so, he creates an environment of anxiety and worry all the time. He always likes to create something out of nothing. He likes to blow little things out of proportion just to keep you on your toes.

5. He makes you feel less than you really are.

He badmouths you. He doesn’t treat you like an equal. He is always belittling you. He is treating you like someone who is beneath him; as if you aren’t worthy of his time or attention. He doesn’t see you as a partner at all. He makes you feel like a burden.

6. He gives you the sense that his love for you comes with conditions.

He makes you feel like he’s going to leave you at a moment’s notice. He makes you feel like you want to walk on eggshells because even the slightest mistake will lead to him abandoning you. It’s as if his presence in your life comes with strict conditions.

7. You become tempted to test how much you mean to him.

You really don’t know how much you mean to him because he never does or says anything about it. And so you are constantly tempted to test out just how much he really means to you.

8. He criticizes you too much.

There should always be room for criticism in a relationship; but it should always be done in a tasteful and graceful manner. And it must always come from a place of love. Otherwise, the criticism is just counterproductive and hurtful. It’s only designed to cause pain.

9. Whenever something goes wrong, you automatically assume that you are to blame.

You just think that whenever a screw-up is involved in the relationship, it’s always your fault. You think that lowly of yourself – as if you’re incapable of doing anything right.

10. You feel like being unhappy in this relationship is something you need to settle for.

You should never have to settle for a love. You should never have to settle for an unhappy relationship. You must always believe that you are worthy of finding a love that makes you feel happy and fulfilled. You need to demand the love that you think you deserve.

Talk to me

Have you been through this? Talk to me in the  comments below!

  1. I feel so much a person when I am in the company of people who don’t know him. I have joined groups that make my self esteem up there. Problem is, we have been together for over forty years, he holds the purse strings and I am 75 years old. HELP!

  2. I’m a male in a relationship with a female that does this for the past 5+ yrs, I’ve recently started reading up on it and seeking therapy, wanted to know if it was normal for a 6′ 1″ 235 lb male to feel this way

  3. This is me as well, I feel so hurt and betrayed, he even let his female co-worker disrespect me and call me stupid and he said I was making something out of nothing. I’m so confused, sad all the time, they’re trying to destroy me.

  4. He says he cares about me very much, but we never go out and he only calls me when hes drunk and wants sex. I on the other hand love him, and l really dont know why.

  5. I beg for attention felt I was always wrong. In my gut I knew he didn’t want me but he pretended I was overthinking. I lived this life 81/2 years of trying to win this guy heart. I never felt safe but he lied he loved me. Love don’t hurt, I prayed and cried for years to let go and let god. It’s hard when you don’t know what to do. But god gave me the courage and strength to know I’m better than that. I thought I could win his heart but I hurt myself trying to be where I didn’t belong. Rejections from him made me see we didn’t belong. It still hurt but I’m better without him than with him. Trust god only.

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