Just because you were ready to get into this relationship with him doesn’t mean that he was. Maybe he was pressured…
Ideally, you would always want to go into new relationships with blank slates. You don’t want any emotional baggage from previous relationships to carry over into your new ones. That’s just a recipe for disaster. That’s why you always choose to get over the heartache of a previous failed relationship before you open yourself up to a new one. And of course, you would expect your potential partner to be espousing the same mindset. However, that’s not always the case. There are plenty of guys who go into new relationships despite the fact that they haven’t gotten over their previous ones. As much as you want to believe that you will be the only girl in his mind throughout your relationship, you can never be too sure of it.
Just because you were ready to get into this relationship with him doesn’t mean that he was. Maybe he was pressured (whether by himself or by others) to just get into the relationship with you. There are plenty of possible reasons. But the point here is that he still hasn’t let go of his ex even though he’s already dating you. So unless you’re willing to serve as a person’s temporary rebound or as a means to get over someone else, then you better do something about it quick.
The trick is in trying to figure out if your man is still hung over his ex or not. You don’t have to wait for him to tell you so, because chances are, he’s never going to admit it. You have to do the fishing yourself. You have to be a lot more observant and you need to keep an eye out for your own sake. So how can you tell? Well, here are a few signs that he’s probably still thinking about his ex even though he’s already with you.
1. He is still fresh from the breakup.
If he has just gotten out of a relationship, then chances are he still hasn’t gotten over it. You have to remember that it takes a lot of time to heal from a heartache especially from a long term relationship. Give him the time and space to heal and recover before getting into anything serious with him.
2. He doesn’t delete her text messages or contact information.
Okay. Sure. He doesn’t have to delete her contact information. He may need something from her someday and so it wouldn’t make sense to erase her from his life completely. But why would he still keep pictures of her and old text message exchanges with her on his phone?
3. He still maintains close ties with her friends and family.
Of course, given the depth and length of their relationship, he will have probably also established some connections with her friends and family. But it would be weird for him to still be in contact with them even after they break up.
4. He goes out of his way to do favors for her.
For one thing, he shouldn’t be doing many favors for her anymore now that they’re broken up. But if he really goes out of his way just to make her happy, then you can bet that he really still isn’t over her and he’s trying to win her back.
5. He brings up memories with her during your conversations.
He shouldn’t be bringing her up in conversations with you unless you ask. It’s weird and it’s disrespectful to you. He should be erasing her from his mind, not bringing her up constantly.
6. He hasn’t returned or let go of the stuff she left behind.
It would be normal for her to leave some stuff at his place especially if they had a really serious relationship. However, it wouldn’t be normal for him to be keeping her stuff around for so long after they break up. The fact that he hasn’t let her stuff go is a manifestation of his unwillingness to let go of her.
7. He takes you on dates that he used to take her to.
You’re practically the 2nd experiment in this situation. He should be making an effort to create new memories that are exclusive to just the two of you. However, he’s merely trying to recreate the feelings and emotions he used to feel with her and he’s just using you to help him achieve that.
8. He uses her as a benchmark for you.
He is always comparing you to her. Whenever you screw up or when you piss him off, he is going to use her as an example for how you should behave. In his mind, she’s the one who got away and you’re just someone who he’s trying to replace her with.
He shouldn’t be stalking anyone on social media at all most especially his ex.
10. He still stays in touch with her on a consistent basis.
No. he should be breaking off communication with her if he’s really serious about being in a relationship with you. He shouldn’t be giving you an excuse to feel insecure or uncertain about the state of things. He should be devoting all of his attention to you and you alone.
Talk to me
Have you been in this position? Talk to me in the comments below!