When you are forced to endure being in a relationship with a toxic guy, you don’t really comprehend just how much abuse you are taking as you are in the relationship itself. You know that what you’re going through is bad; and that it’s not ideal. But you don’t really understand just how bad things are and how impactful that abuse is on your well-being. When you are with a toxic guy, you don’t really know that you’re being victimized. And that’s why it’s so hard for a lot of victims of abuse to get out of their toxic relationships. You don’t really fully understand what’s g
But then, something inside of you (or maybe a friend or loved one) finally steps in and puts a halt to everything. You muster up the strength and courage that it takes to walk away from that toxic situation; and then that’s when you feel all of the pain.
That’s when you get to look back and realized just how badly you were being treated. But you also kind of miss it. For the longest time, that was the only kind of life that you knew; that was the world that you lived in. And it’s scary for you to face this new world where you’re all alone. You’re tempted to go back to what’s familiar even though you know just how toxic it was. And it’s all because you’re scared of what’s your about to face.
And then, you’re thrust back into a similar situation; only this time, it’s with a great guy. Everything seems familiar, but it’s a completely different situation entirely. This man is a great guy; and he knows how to treat you well. And you get caught off-guard. You enjoy his treatment of you so much to the point that it scares you because you’re really not used to it.
1. You expect the worst, but you get the best.
You always assume that he’s going to be like the guy you used to date. You want to brace yourself. You want to make sure that you don’t get abused in the same manner. But he always manages to overturn your bad expectations.
2. You read so much into everything that’s going on.
You understand that maybe this is a whole new world to you; that this could be a completely different animal. And you’re scared; so you try to read as much into every little detail as possible. You will overthink many aspects of the relationship.
3. You assume that he’s too good to be real.
You will start to believe that maybe he’s too good to be real. No guy can be this good. You’ve never been treated in such a loving and caring way; and so you know that this kind of behavior might be unsustainable.
4. You push him away a little bit.
You get the feeling that he’s acting sketchy. You don’t really want to fall for anyone’s tricks anymore and you’re tired of getting hurt. So you push him away a little bit. You don’t want him to get too close. But he still keeps on coming.
5. You expect so many fights and arguments.
You just brace yourself for so many fights and disagreements. You assume that he’s going to nitpick your personality; that he’s going to find a way to make you feel bad about something. You wait for him to blow his lid on a mistake that you might have made; but he doesn’t.
6. You apologize way too much.
And so you apologize. You think that you’re screwing up because your previous relationship has made you believe that you are worthless and that you are incapable of doing anything right.
7. You will start to think that he’s way too good for you
But then he still treats you amazingly. He still showers you with lots of love and affection. He really takes care of you and you feel like you don’t deserve it. You think that he’s way out there; and you need to do more for him.
8. You try to overcompensate.
So you try to overcompensate. You try to shower him with just as much love and affection. You make an effort to meet his level of intimacy.
9. You learn to trust him.
And then, you finally do something that you never thought you would ever be able to do with another guy. You trust him. You believe him. You know that he’s the real deal and that there’s no reason for you to be afraid.
10. You experience what it really means to fall in love with someone.
And if you’re lucky enough to make things work with this guy, you will then grow to understand what it really means to fall in love with someone.
“You assume that he’s too good to be real.”
Accurate point. He just waltz in and made everything so right that I could finally breathe. From being treated as a lean-on to being treated as THE one…the pain was erased as the world rotates.
This!!!!!
Thank you, this was so soothing and hope-giving ♡
This is all so true, as a 59 yr old man who is obviously not perfect as after 35 years of marriage I found myself single, after a couple of brief relationships, mainly just dating I thought I had found someone who was going to be special and she was. However I think I spoilt her too much, she was not used to the affection and gifts, probably too many gifts, I wasn’t trying to buy love and thought I was being nice buying clothes, things for her house, paying for holidays and breaks. I have a family, grown up but still needing dad, when I gave them time I was punished, despite divorce I remained friends with my ex wife and despite being divorced for 9 yrs this too was an issue. The main thing though was her previous relationships had gone bad, she had been cheated on, she constantly checked my phone and where I had been and it seemed like wat was good was too good and she was waiting for it all to crash so after 2 yrs she ended it, she didn’t want to remain friends and I ended up feeling like I was a monster. She was 52 and I think life and things going on inside contributed, conversation seemed to stop and I felt the writing was on the wall. I accept I made mistakes, I didn’t want to share a home, there was intimacy but it wasn’t the main thing in my mind, it’s hard at our age, baggage and previous stuff seems massive.
Know someone in similar situationship Paul.
You’re kids are never baggage they will always be there and if she doesn’t want them in your life let her go – she wants/wanted everything for her and perhaps her family and friends and probably just whenever she can be bothered with you, she’s not properly invested in you. Let her go, wish you the best
so very true. i was in an abusive marriage for 18 years and it was my normal. Being stressed all.the time afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing was my normal. Always being on the defensive was my normal. i was blessed to find a man that i feel.safe with, i dont have to defend myself all the timd, but most of all his soft heart is my safe haven
it took me a very long time to settle. But I was blessed to be able to feel safe and loved. Not all abused people get a second chance.
I’ve been single all my life.
I know that im not the best looking guy and I feel ugly.
I don’t have any luck with asking any women out cause I struggle.
I have no problems talking to them but when it comes to asking them out i panic and forget what I’m thinking of doing.
the ones I try asking have been cruel.
I’m the type of person that I wouldn’t care if I don’t hang out with friends I’d rather be with a girlfriend or wife.
it feels like I need someone to have a purpose in life.
Christmas is soon and I get depressed even though I spend it with lots of family members.
I just feel incomplete
that it’s an amazing true. only people that was in Toxic relationship can understand the value of real Love & the value of a good partner. I’m 61years old. and I did find my perfect lady. Friend. lover & wife with an amazing kindness caring & loving.
only in movies you can find lady like that.
I’m very lucky man to know her.
I really love this article cuz it really relates to everything that I’m going through today..