When it comes to opening up and being vulnerable towards another person, we are all probably aware by now that that isn’t necessarily going to be an introvert’s strong suit. They aren’t always going to find it all too easy to establish a sense of intimacy with other people.
Yes, introverts tend to be very smart and introspective. But that’s just the thing. Their comfort zones tend to reside within the confines of their own minds. They are more experienced at thinking about love than they are at actually expressing it. So you have to make sure to be as patient as you can whenever you’re in a relationship with an introverted person.
However, you shouldn’t lose hope just yet. Introverted people are still capable of engaging in intimacy and affection. You just have to know how to be able to bring it out of them. You have to keep in mind that it isn’t that they’re not emotional creatures. In fact, they feel emotions at such a deep and intense level. It’s just that they tend to keep those feelings to themselves a lot – and that’s why you might not really be feeling their love even though they do love you.
And when it comes to sex, well, that’s a whole different thing. And there are a few important things that you really need to keep in mind before you have sex with an introvert.
1. An introvert values honesty over romance.
An introvert really knows how to kill the mood – and it’s mostly going to be with their favorite weapon: honesty. Yes; sometimes, nothing just kills the mood quite like honesty. But that’s how they are. They aren’t really fond of fake and sappy romances that aren’t grounded in truth.
2. Stressful situations and highly stimulating environments can kill an introvert’s mood.
Sometimes, social anxiety can get the best of an introvert. They can find it really exhausting to be thrust into high-pressure social situations, and sometimes, that can leave them feeling too drained to have sex.
3. Deep conversations about complex topics can serve as foreplay for an introvert.
An introvert is going to be deeply aroused by intelligence and depth. So don’t be surprised if having deep talks about the most complex issues and topics that you could think of will eventually lead to the two of you having sex. It’s a great way to get an introvert into the mood.
4. The more you let an introvert talk, the more animated they become.
When they really get into a discussion, then they will start to open up to you. And it’s important for you to keep that momentum going by never interrupting them. They are usually the listener, not the sharer, in a conversation. And so if they are actually starting to yap away, then let them do so.
5. Do not engage in small talk with an introvert.
It has been previously mentioned that having deep and intellectual conversations can be a big turn on for an introvert. You have to know that the converse is also true. Talking about shallow issues and topics that carry no intellectual depth can quickly put them out of the mood.
6. An introvert is never going to fake an orgasm.
You are always going to be able to tell when an introvert is satisfied with your sexual performance or not. They are going to make it evident even as you’re doing it. They won’t be the types to fake satisfaction. They are always going to keep their reactions as real and authentic as possible.
7. It’s highly likely that introverts will not enjoy having sex with other introverts.
It’s always recommended that you be an extrovert if you really want to make an introvert feel comfortable when having sex. An introvert trying to seduce another introvert would be dysfunctional.
8. An introvert is going to secretly criticize how you move in the bedroom as you’re doing it – and they will tell you what they think after.
They are going to judge you. But that’s okay. How else are you going to learn anyway? Just make sure that you don’t take it too personally. They are only trying to help you out.
9. An introvert is going to be open to you discussing your needs in the bedroom.
As you may already know, an introvert is always a great listener. And they are always going to be open to you discussing what you need from them in the bedroom. They won’t find it awkward at all. You just have to make sure that you approach it in a sensitive manner.
10. Introverts can be really creative in the sack when they want to be.
Remember that the introvert has a pretty powerful mind. And if you let them, they are going to be able to come up with some of the most creative and wildest ideas for the both of you to try to spice up your sex life.
Talk to me
Do you agree? Talk to me in the comments below!
Introverts do not initiate sex and it’s frustrating
First, as an introvert man, i think you are drawing a far too close link between introversion and shyness/social anxiety. There is a difference. Shyness and social anxiety are caused through a process of learned behaviour which can be dealt with through deploying CBT etc whereas introversion is a deeply embedded biological reality for millions of people which describes a physiologiocal reaction to large social gatherings and noisy envionments. I also don’t agree with many of the things you say about introverts not expressing emotions. We just do it differently or more subtley. For example, i wrote my grandfather a sequence of poems about him when he was dying of cancer which he loved and the rest of my family appreciated reading when grieving for him. I also run around playing hide-and seek etc with my nieces and nephews and do other fun activities like laser tag even though they exhaust me afterwards. I mean, it’s not impossible for an introvert to act like an extrovert for key life moments like spending time with family members or even when seducing a beautiful woman on a date. Also, while it’s true that one-to-one conversations on deep and meaningful subjects is foreplay to intellectual introverts like me i’m sure that there are many introverts for which this isn’t the case. In fact i know one or two such introverts myself. They get bored when i try to engage them in “deep and meaningful conversations” and would rather just watch the TV. Also, i get the impression you think introverts can’t flirt or engage in banter but this isn’t true either. I actually flirted with a nurse at my work tonight after she started flirting with me when she started commenting on my salt and pepper hair and youthful good looks which she thought was very attractive. Naturally i returned the compliment, though, being an introvert, I forgot to mention some of her other fine qualities, which i’m sure my extroverted counterpart would have. But here’s the thing, introverts tend to be much more romantic than our extroverted counterparts not less. After all many of the great poets who wrote some of the most romantic verse around were introverts. I would also say that most introverts have a deep rooted sense of empathy for other people because we live in a world that isn’t designed for us or even understands us and it’s why we will happily have deep and meaningful conversations one-to-one with people about difficult emotions and relationship situations. I mention this quality because it flatly contradicts your point that introverts criticise their partners performance which has never been my experience. While I may have had some unsatisfactory sexual encounters i would never in my life judge or criticise any of the woman i slept with after all it takes two to tango and i could have tried other things to make the experience different, couldn’t I? I also think your comment that two introverts having sex is dysfunctional is a bit whacked. I mean, introverts as a bunch are probably some of the most generous lovers on the planet and i don’t see how that would be negative if they decided to have sex together, wouldn’t that be a benefit? Indeed, given some introverts like me are more expressive than others, i should say i am quite happy to initiate sex with a partner. If you want your introverted partner to initiate sex then why not say to them to put a lollipop or cookie in a jar or something when they want to have sex with you and you can then put one in with it when you feel you want to have sex with them. If you do that early in the morning and then go to work you may find your introverted lover is lying naked on the bed waiting for you when you get home or even starts texting you dirty messages during your lunch break. The anticipation something like that would build in an introvert’s mind is pretty powerful and the sex is likely to be some of the best you’ve had. Just try it and i hope you have a good time. You will notice in this long response that i have expressed a range of positive and negative emotions to your article. As i like to end things on a positive note, i leave you with one of the poems i wrote for my grandfather and that was used at his funeral service which you’ll realise is a clear expression of love.
BARRHEAD AND NEILSTON DISABLED FORUM
Charlie pushes a wheelchair
and places an old woman
next to a man with cards.
A lady with legs made useless
by time smiles as she sips her tea,
and remembers working in a convent.
An old man bites into a biscuit
his dentures rub at his gums;
he growls from behind newsprint.
His hands once hard as spades
have been made weak with age;
the newspaper shakes in the air.
Charlie weaves a tea trolley through
the maze of tables and old chairs.
The noise of aging voices laughing
fills the room with quiet history for no one
will record what is written in old men;
Charlie sits down still smiling for them.
Someone comes and asks him, ‘Are you okay?’
‘Aye, I’m fine, love. I was resting,’
and then he’s up quickly again pushing
wheelchairs about with a smile on his face,
a glint in his eyes, and his heart medicine
safely in his pocket resting, just resting.