From the day we are born, we are taught things. We are prepared to speak, write, spell, and everything in between. As we progress in life, we are taught social ethics; we get to know the difficulties life brings our way, we are prepared to be healthy and face our problems.
What we miss out are the very basics of human nature, we are never properly taught ways to avoid toxic and harmful relationships, we just get warned without the means of getting out of them or turning them into something they’re not. This article is going to be just that.
Here are 10 super toxic relationships strong people avoid.
10. Relationships controlled by one person
Relationships are between two people, two people who are brave enough to give someone else their trust and love. One person can never control them; it’s just not possible. I’ve seen a lot of such relationships where one person runs the show and also brags about it, that’s not a relationship, that’s a dictatorship, and it always ends badly for both the people involved.
Healthy people avoid being in such relationships; unless an equal effort is put in from both sides, a relationship can not blossom or grow. If you feel like you’re being run by the person you love, you need to set some records straight and let your voice be heard, because you just CANNOT let anyone run you, you have your say about life, you have your take on things and so do they, respect each others’ processes and help each other grow.
9. Relationships that make you feel “complete.”
I’ve said this countless times before; you cannot be in a relationship before you ultimately know and love yourself. If you rely on someone else to be your happiness for you, you’re not going to be happy for very long because you’ll slowly become a burden for the other person.
You need to be “complete” on your own before you share a life with someone, you need to be content with yourself, happy with who you are, satisfied with where you’re going in life before you commit yourself to someone. Relationships are meant to enhance the feeling of being happy and complete, not BE the feelings.
8. Relationships based on “perfection.”
You don’t fall in love with someone because of how “perfect” they are based on social norms or expectations; you fall in love with someone because of how “perfect” they are in their twisted way. You can’t base a relationship on idealistic expectations because those relationships don’t exist in the real world. We are all human, and we all have flaws and weaknesses; if we hide them from our partners, then we are better off without partners.
7. Relationships based on lies
One lie begets another. Being faithful to your partner is the very essence and the most basic foundation of your relationship, you cannot taint the foundations of your relationship with even the smallest of lies. So you like someone, and you feel like impressing them, you think adding a little lie now and then to make your personality sound amazing isn’t going to hurt, wrong!
It’s going to bring your entire relationship down in the long run, don’t be a player, be yourself. Be true to who you are from the get-go if you want complete transparency (something tough to find in today’s world).
6. Relationships based on codependency
When you forget your own needs and base your entire life around someone else, that’s codependency. Codependency is extremely toxic in the long run. You might think it’s delightful that you take all of your decisions based on what your partner feels, that you don’t like doing something if they’re not around, that you need their approval in even the smallest things in your life, it’s not sweet, and it’s a fragile place to be in.
Once you develop the habit of being codependent, you’ll soon lose contact with “YOU,” you’ll lose your individuality, your happiness and sadness are now nonexistent, and everything revolves around your partner. You’re going to be very bitter with your partner in the long run if you become codependent, you NEED to have your say and take on life.
A very realistic example of this is when my girlfriend is upset about something; I try my best to make her happy because I understand when she’s frustrated. But, she also cannot expect me to emotionally cater to her needs day and night because I have my own emotions too, I have my individuality and my moods, and she completely understands that.
I make my own decisions; she’s happy with whatever I do because she trusts me, and she knows I know how to live my life. Never let yourself be codependent on anyone.
5. Relationships where the past rules the present
When you commit yourself to someone, your history goes out the window (it should, anyway). You start a new chapter of your life with someone, you make way for a better future, and you try your best to make your present as happy as you can.
One of the most toxic of relationships is where the past controls the present, where someone would use your past mistakes to make you quiet during an argument, where they would always remind you of your previous traumas to win every fight, where they use your weaknesses to make you listen to them, DO NOT be that person.
Be with someone who doesn’t care about your past enough to hurt your present.
4. Relationships based on emotional blackmail
Playing with someone’s emotions is one of the weakest things one can do, and such relationships are extraordinarily short-termed and toxic. Relationships where someone uses your emotional triggers against you to screw with your mind and make you do things their way.
Such relationships are also governed by one person and should be avoided at all costs. If you notice even the slightest hint of blackmail in the mix, leave.
3. “Back and forth relationships.”
I don’t like talking about it, but I was once in a back and forth relationship, and it was utterly brutal. Back and forth relationships are relationships that are very weak and destructive, where two people keep breaking up but keep getting back together after every few months because they “truly love” the other person, they don’t.
One thing that I want to point out is that if you “truly” love someone, you cannot see them suffer the sorrows of being without you for even a day, how can you truly love someone if you can generally stay apart for a few months and then get back together and commit the same mistakes again?
It’s a never-ending vicious cycle that only you can stop. Back and forth relationships are highly dragged, and they slowly suck out every ounce of feelings you have in you. If you decide to break up with someone, you need to analyze every situation before making any bold moves properly.
2. Relationships that lack trust
The trust you have with your partner is the only key you have to that one door that leads to a happy and robust life together if you lose the key, you lose access to the door. It’s effortless; you cannot be with someone if you don’t or can’t trust them, or if you feel like they can’t believe you.
Trust is the most powerful and encouraging feeling in the world that gives you the strength to face any obstacle life throws your way, no matter how big or small, you’ll always come out smiling as long as you have faith and trust in someone, I’m talking about blind faith and complete trust here.
For those whose trusts have been broken, try to repair them by giving them a second chance, everyone deserves a second chance. But don’t let that second chance lead you to the third, fourth, and fifth chance, or you’ll find yourself strangled in a back and forth relationship.
1. Ruthless Relationships
A “ruthless relationship” is one where you or your partner forget that the other person has feelings and disregard that fact for your well being. Ruthless relationships lack the act of forgiveness; if one person makes a mistake, the other person will use that mistake against them forever.
They’ll say they forgive you, but they’ll never mean it, and you’ll see the glimpses of their ruthlessness in every argument, and it will only get more overpowering with time. If they don’t respect your feelings, they don’t deserve to have you, be with someone who will.
Talk to me
That’s it for this one, hope you guys learned from it. If you would like to add anything to this, please share your own experiences with me in the comments below. As always, stay blessed and keep the love alive!
