10 Ways Guys React Differently to Breakups than Girls
One day you are his Sally and he’s your Harry and it’s the perfect setup for a steamy RomCom. And the very next day you are cooped up in your den wearing wrinkly jammies, an unwashed face and binging on junk. The guy (formerly yours’) on the other hand is in a club with friends, dancing to a loud beat and savoring eye candy.
How on earth did this turn of events take place? Well that is a topic entirely for another day. Right now the question is the apparent indifference on the guy’s part, who apparently seems to have moved on at the speed of light, while the girl sits drenched in despair. But has he really moved on? Or is it just we who are judging too soon?
Guys might apparently look unfazed by a breakup, but if you take time to stare into their eyes, you’ll see a painful void waiting to be filled with alcohol and partying. It is commonly believed that women are more emotional of the two sexes and hence also the more affected of the two. But that might not be the actual case.
In fact, men secretly suffer more as they are not as equipped in the emotional and social sector as girls to handle break ups.
There’s a popular myth differentiating guys’ reactions to breakups than girls.
Day 1: Guys party, girls are devastated.
Day 2: Guys start suffering as it sinks in while the girls are still glum.
Day 3: Guys start feeling lonely and devastated whereas the girls feel liberated.
So why it that the reactions guys have to breakups differ so much than girls? Mainly because both of them have different social standings and also because they process emotions quite differently.
Following are some of the 10 ways in which guys differ in reacting to breakups than girls:
MEN INITIALLY IGNORE IT ALL (A primitive coping mechanism):
While women love to talk about their feeling and get it all out post breakups, men do not act very similar in this respect. Men try to avoid emotions and in an attempt to do so they will pretend that everything is okay. They will ignore the gravity of the situation and duck away from the cupid. In a guy’s mind as long as the he ignores your complaints and tears he thinks that everything is okay.
Men avoid analyzing the situation. Women are known to analyzing and over analyzing situations where as men shut themselves out. The reason is that while women use both sides of their mind for assessing both the visual and emotional clues in a situation men only tend to access verbal reasoning. – Continue reading on next page
This means that woman can easily read body language and other cues which men can’t. You will rarely find men thinking about gestures, tones and the emotions involved in the situation. Imagine this behavior of men as a behavioral adaptation to save themselves from the hurt rather than a lack of interest and devotion.
Men simply wall up’ when it comes to confrontation and find it easier to box their feelings and compartmentalizeВ them rather than scratching the wound open. So while apparently a guy may seem indifferent and uninterested post breakup, it is only a coping mechanism and not the deep-lying truth. They tend to focus on anything but the emotional drawbacks of ending a relationship.
QUICKER TO REBOUND:
While most women tend to busy themselves in activities such as shopping sprees and kitty parties post breakups, (After all they need to look their best so their ex can see what he’s missing) most men tend to drown and hide their pain in alcohol and rebound partners.
Breakup is a filthy game, the more attractive and happy looking the person is post it, the more is he/she a winner. So while women don’t mind pulling out their cards to become the victors men tend to differ.
Rebound relationships for men are like trump cards. They are more likely to have a string of rebounds as compared to women. These rebounds for them act as temporary band aids, covering a deeper wound. They would rather replace the band-aid everyday than reveal their pain and the level of causality. A man’s ego is his everything and rebounds tend to boost it in magical ways. This is especially more frequent if he was the dumped’ rather than the dumper.’ This behavior helps a man to take his mind off the emotions and give the wound time to heal.В – Continue reading on next page
SADNESS INTO ANGER AND VICE VERSA:
While women tend to turn their sadness into tears and heart to heart conversations, men prefer turning theirs into anger. Society is biased in this respect, as when women are hurt, they may cry and the society offers them sympathy and comfort but sadly men don’t have the same freedom. A show of tears and pain by a man will be frowned and scoffed at while anger from his side will be considered more manly and acceptable.
It is this difference of approach that tends to make men bottle up their pain and release it from time to time in the form of frustration and anger. This frustration may be projected in the form of glass breaking, windshield smashing (of the ex’s car of course), leaking of pre breakup intimate stuff or even bitching on the social media. Not all men do this but most men frustrated by the hurt and pushed over by alcohol tend to.
WHILE WOMEN USE, MEN (AB) USE ALCOHOL:
Post breakup in the light of all the sorrow, alcohol seems friendly to both men and women. But while women only take it men tend to overtake it. While freshly hurt men and women both frequent bars and drink, for women it is only a one or two-time thing, after which she reclines back to the usual female healing techniques. For men however the story is altogether different. Men get excessively drunk and tend to stay that way through most parts of the day. They get intoxicated out of their minds, which apparently helps them to ignore the gravity of their situation and boost up the healing process.
Their need to forget overpowers them and hence they take refuge in alcohol and dark lonely bars. They frequently get drunk and party all the while being told by their friends that it’s probably the best idea. So while a woman’s tear ducts might rot a man’s liver is no different.В – Continue reading on next page
THE NEANDERTHALIC PHILOSOPHY:
Men by nature are wired to be cavemen. In the light of the caveman philosophy men tend to be hunters and protectors. This factor contributes to their possessive nature and in turn makes them feel like they’ve lost a possession post breakup. Men obviously process emotions differently than women and so post breakups it gets very difficult for them to detach themselves from the person they once thought was theirs. Unlike girls they find themselves comparing and contrasting rebounds with their ex.
He tends to look for the same old comfort that he once had. While women after an abrupt outcry tend to let go, men hold on. The worst part about this is mainly their failure to admit this attachment. This is especially true if he doubts the girl leaving him for another man. This triggers the masculine competitor in him and gives birth to his unconscious compare and contrast policy. While Taylor swift songs might work for women, men tend to spend their time subconsciously pin pointing flaws in his ex as it is the only way to trick himself into believing that he didn’t just lose the best thing that he had.
AVOIDING PLACES THAT BRING BACK REMINDERS:
Have you ever had the coincidence of seeing a grown man crying alone in a movie theater at night? It’s because he wisely avoids going to the same theatre where he watched A walk to remember’ with his ex on their first date. Men never ever go back or even accidentally cross the place that has the ghost of their ex looming around. While women cry out all their fears of seeing their ex again with the support of their girlfriends and family men tend to differ in this aspect mainly because they never got the same support that social circles offer girls.
This lack of motivation to leave behind the last of the baggage that comes with the breakup leaves a chunk of terror suspended in the subconscious of men. In order to avoid stimulating the chunk again and bringing it back to life men avoid familiar places, familiar settings, familiar ambiance and familiar everything. This act of avoidance tricks their brains into a brand new start all the while leaving that painful chunk in their brain dormant.В – Continue reading on next page
MEN DON’T SEEK SUPPORT:В (Not that they are offered any in the first place)
Don’t get me wrong but male friendships do lack in this one department as compared to female friendships. I’m not saying that guys make bad friends but the thing is that in a time when more emotional than physical support is required on a person’s part, male friendships are not of much use.
In contrast to men, a woman’s social circle is way more capable in this regard. It is usually stronger than a man’s. While a woman’s friends will immediately turn all their attention to the matter, coming over with ice-cream and letting her cry on their shoulder, a guy’s friends will focus more on cheering him up and taking him out to have fun rather than talking, listening and healing.
According to a recent survey 25% more men than women suffer through a breakup. This surprising result has been attributed to the lack of a strong external support system on the part of men. It is obviously apparent that it is the man who should be digging in to a bucket of Haagen-Dazs rather than the woman but only if he will admit to his need of support.
Although we did say that it’s the women who are at home with bed hair and old jammies, eyes swollen and binging on comfort food but once her friends have dried her tears and have talked her out she is okay but sadly this is not the case for men. While a woman will turn to her favorite retail therapy and will shop and spend on herself a man will completely neglect himself. He will grow out a breakup beard, nap for long hours and wear wrinkly slept-in clothes.
While a woman tries to look more fabulous to itch off her ex a man simply does not feel the need to look good and considers it a waste. A woman’s friends will tell her that she deserves to look amazing but no one encourages a man to do the same. Hence a man prefers his disheveled state and does not find the effort to dress up worth it. There is no one to nag men about their downtrodden state of care either and so they stay that way as long as another reason to look better does not come up.В – Continue reading on next page
GETTING WAY TOO GOOD AT SOMETHING APPARENTLY USELESS:
Another coping mechanism employed by men is to get indulged in a skill too much and learn it to maximum. This act of theirs makes them feel more in control and feeds their vasopressin triggered needs. Now that they are single they try to focus too much on anything but the right thing. They will employ anything that suits them to avoid focusing on their state.
They will learn weird chords and play songs on the guitar, they will start working out and hit the gym too much or they will simply master the act of Sudoku but they will master something. This behavior makes them feel in possession of something they dominate unlike the relationship that they couldn’t hold on to.
STAY WAY TOO BUSY ALL THE TIME:
This is more along the lines of њHey, she dumped me! Now I can do all the things I never did. Clean my garage/ clear up my attic/ start online trading/ join a chess club/move to Europe.ќ This is basically a hidden cry for help. Men will never admit the need of help at this point but they will surely be in need of it. In order to keep their minds off of things they will indulge way too much in work and planning, exactly like the ostrich that buries its head in the ground.
They will over exhaust themselves and not spare their mind a moment to think out of routine. While girls will soon move on to their old lives men will have their lives plummeted down a fast running drain. To pass the time quickly they will work excessively and exclusively.
Both men and women invest in a relationship equally. The only difference is in the way they process the aftermath of it. Although they both have different mechanisms but they try to cope with the same feelings of loss, rejection and grief. The way we perceive men and their behavior post breakups is solely influenced by the societal message we get about their emotional state. Both men and women are wired differently and have different neurotransmitters running their behaviors but that does not make any of the both less human.
Although humans have evolved a lot but some basic social concepts haven’t changed and one of them is the way men are mocked about feelings. More than the truth, men have a social masochistic image that they have to maintain and hence their apparent in difference is just an act. Although men cannot be expected to heal like women but they do need to heal. And an ice-cream tub may work wonders for them too!
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