Ladies, aren’t we all just sick of getting in relationships and then end up realizing this guy is just not meant for us, or that he is a chronic idiot? Most of the time when you are looking for a long-term relationship, you end up attracting a guy who is just in it for sex or is just looking for something casual.
And that can be just hard-breaking, so why not set out in a way that you end up finding Mr. Right and don’t get hurt in the process? There are so many articles out there that direct guy on how to find the right girl, but very few on how to get the right guy. Of course, individual differences exist so this may not be applicable to everyone but generally these are some of the things that can definitely help you find Mr. Right and keep him.
1. Stop with the Stereotypes:
Seriously, girls need to stop doing this. I have way too many female friends who are ready to paint all guys with the same brush and say all men are dogs, while at the same time they sigh pathetically complaining about how they cannot find the right guy.
Well, obviously, if you start assuming that every guy is a jerk, chances are that he will be a jerk to you because you never gave him the chance to build a good first impression. Added to that, all the guys I know absolutely detest all girls who generalize and stereotype against them; it is on top of their list of major no’s in a girl. If you actually want to find a nice guy you are going to have to stop assuming that all guys are bad, and actually give them a chance to show you their true personality. Predefined opinions are just going to make you come off as over critical and extremely judgey and are you really sure you want to give off that impression of yourself? Also, girls need to stop going along with common stereotypes like guys should do all the heavy lifting, etc; it’s just extremely unattractive and detrimental to a relationship.
A relationship needs to be platonic, you do your half and I’ll do mine. Both have to put in their 100% to make it work all together. When a woman refuses to acknowledge stereotypes and instead tries to get to know you for who you actually are, that’s attractive. It shows that you’re willing to get to know them and assess their individual personalities instead of following common conceptions.
2. Stop Playing Hard To Get
I get it, you don’t want a guy to think you are easy on the fear that he’ll take you for granted or not realize your true worth, but honestly if you are really attracted to a guy; don’t play hard to get. It won’t do either of you any favors and chances are that the guy will just get annoyed and move on. Be honest and upfront with how you feel and you’ll be surprised at the response you get. If you really want a good long-term relationship, then you need to start off on the right foot, which means that you need to be honest and open from the start. If you aren’t honest and open from the start, the guy has no reason to trust you as the relationship progresses, which can make your relationship very fragile. Also, just like girls, guys do not like being played with, either. It is extremely degrading and hurtful. The guy might be really into you and if and when he realizes that you are playing with him, it can be a major turn off.
If you like someone, you need to come forward with your feelings. You need to let the person know that you like them. Women realize that playing games with guys who like them are childish and plain mean. Everyone has feelings and playing around with another person’s feelings is the worst thing anyone is capable of.
A lot of jerks exist who like to mess around a person’s mind. Thus, when you find a gem who’ll actually come forward with however they feel, be it a confession of rejection, it’s considered a gem. Being a genuine person is a rare thing in today’s world. Everyone walks around lying to one another. You’d think that after some time or at a certain age, people will come out of it eventually. Sadly, a very limited amount of people turn out to be counted as the good ones.
3. Nagging Is Unhelpful:
When a guy starts dating you, it is because he is looking for someone he can be romantically or sexually attracted to, he is looking for a soul mate; not another mother. So stop with the nagging. It is understandable that sometimes there are things about your partner that annoy you, or that you need some things but they are just being lazy about it; however, nagging is not the way to go about it.
If you keep nagging your boyfriend to fix the sink or stop leaving the toilet seat up, chances are that he is going to get seriously annoyed with you and that can be very detrimental to your relationship. His response can also be to just do more of the thing that bugs you. Instead of repeatedly nagging him about it, have a sit down with him and talk to him properly about it, or if he is just particularly forgetful, leave post it is for him. It is a less annoying way to remind him to do something and it won’t make him feel like he is constantly being treated like a small child.
Communication is key for any relationship to progress, be it a sexual one or a non-sexual one. A relationship doesn’t mean one with husband and wife or a boyfriend and a girlfriend. It’s a collection of any form of attitude you keep with other people. With that being said, nagging is not the same as communicating. Nagging is, in fact, the exact opposite. People find it attractive when you can present your case in a way that doesn’t make the other person feel uncomfortable.
If the other person did you way wrong, then, by all means, make them uncomfortable. However, in a general discussion, do not lose your cool because someone else has a different opinion than you. As I’ve mentioned above, no two people are exactly alike.
You’re bound to have some disagreements with people and the best way to overcome them is by communicating in a sensible way. Thus, your point is conveyed and the other person might even agree. However, if you think that by being loud, you’ll win an argument then you’re way off.
4. Show that you are ready to commit:
Girls are not the only ones looking for long-term relationships, guys are too. And just like you, they want someone who is ready to commit to them and be in it for the long run. If you really like a guy and he is the sincere and genuine kind, show him that you are ready to commit. Chances are that if you do not show him that you are ready to commit, he will get sick of just waiting around and leave, and you will be back to square one. Remember not all guys want you just for a casual relationship; a lot of them are also in it for the long run, and so they can be just as sensitive about your intentions as you are of theirs. Also, once you are in a relationship, stay committed, be by his side. He deserves as much. If you take him for granted and start looking for other fish in the sea, he has every right to walk away. Don’t just be ready to commit; actually, commit to him and stay.
I think anyone would agree that no one has the right to cheat on one another, in any relationship. I personally do not consider an open relationship as an actual relationship, but that’s just me.
Since this post is about women, I’ll continue on in that direction. If a woman realizes the sanctity of a relationship, she’ll stay committed. You don’t have to stick around in a relationship where you’re unhappy, but no one has the right to cheat.
That’s just a huge no. Commitment refers to staying by their side through thick and thin. Good and bad times come and go in everyone’s lives. That’s how life works. Leaving someone just because times are tough is the sign of a coward. It’s an incredibly admirable and attractive thing that in today’s world, people still realize how important it is to stay committed.
5. Give your 100%
A relationship is a two-way street, if one of the two participants do not give their 100%, it is going to fall to pieces. If you have found Mr. Right and want to keep him, show it. Prove it to him by being ready to give your 100% to make it work. Guys are not dumb; they pick up on when they are being taken for granted or played, and they are ready to stand up for themselves, which is absolutely right.
Do not take him for granted, if he is willing to make it work, you should too. All relationships go through hard patches, that doesn’t mean you give up and stop giving it your all. This takes me back to point 4 on this list, if you do not give your 100%, you risk alienating the guy you love and you risk giving him the misconception that you are not as committed to him, as he is to you. Just like us guys get hurt, and for a guy to realize that you are not willing to make it work, it can be very hurtful and heartbreaking.
Effort over here isn’t merely used to refer to effort in relationships. You need to give your absolute 100% in anything that you do. Nothing can be achieved half-heartedly and it’s about time that people realize that. Let me point out something here- these traits are attractive in anyone. However, my main topic here is women so I’ll try to steer everything in that direction. I know a lot of people who don’t put their hearts in everything that they do
They undermine the importance of whatever they have simply because they can’t be bothered to give it the time of day and thus it downgrades the situation. Everyone has a different tendency and capability to do certain things. It’s actually up to the person to determine whether or not said thing is achievable based on their skill set. No one should take on more than that which they can handle, yet if they have then they should do whatever possible to complete it.
The keyword here is effort’. You need to put in the effort. You aren’t expected to do it to 100% if that’s not possible, you should just put in as much effort as you can. Even in relationships, it isn’t expected to work but you still need to put in your share of effort in order to make it work. No one starts a relationship knowing that it’ll fail. If it does, so be it, but you need to realize that until and unless you give as much focus as possible. It was destined to end.
6. Know how to manage between friends and him:
Okay, so a lot of times we focus so much on one thing we start letting go of all the other ones. It’s the same in a relationship; a lot of times we get so focused on the guy that we forget our friends, or for some of us; we just can not understand the attention we need to give the guy so we end up unintentionally sidelining him. Guys hate that and it’s totally understandable; I would not want to be with a guy who is too clingy or he is so aloof and immersed with his friends that he does not have time for me. You need to find a balance between how much time you give him and how much time you give your friends. You do not want your friends to feel neglected and you don’t want him to feel neglected. Strike a balance. Have maybe 3 days a week for hangouts with friends, 3 with him and 1 with both so that he can get to know your friends and you can split your time equally between him and them.
Balance is kept in life by not letting one thing overpower the other. You need to maintain a firm balance in your life as to not lose sight of right or wrong. Balance doesn’t mean 50-50 in each and every case, balance can also be achieved in a 60-40 or a 70-30 situation but letting one thing determine you completely is wrong.
It’ll do you more harm than good because you’ll have to adjust to solely one thing. Let me explain how that’s a bad thing: you’ll never know when to stop. Not only is that an unattractive thing to another person, but that’s also a damaging thing to your own health.
7. Reign in the emotions:
No one is telling you to stop feeling or stop expressing how you feel. But, if you really want to make your relationship work, you need to have control over your emotions. There are two reasons for this: 1) Sometimes your emotions can be overwhelming for the guy and instead of dealing with them, he will just run away from addressing them. 2) You may end up saying something you regret. Not all people are alike and everyone expresses themselves differently, however, for a healthy relationship, it is crucial that you mediate your emotions.
Guys are so programmed by society to run away from emotions that any overt displays of emotion can drive them away. Reign in your emotions and have proper talks with him about how you feel, instead of just overwhelming him with all of it. Also, try and ease him into the type of person you are. It is really okay if sometimes you lose control over your emotions; just make sure you have had a talk with him right from the start about it.
Some people tend to be more emotional than others and it’s unfair to hold that against them. It’s in their personalities and it is not necessarily a bad thing so, let them be. One thing that a lot of guys find attractive is the fact that certain women have much more control over their emotions.
They can be emotional whilst having good control as well because they don’t let what they say or think overpower how they perform a task. They’re able to differentiate between right and wrong despite any circumstance. They won’t deliberately hold you back from anything because of any disagreements the two of you may have.
8. Be honest:
We all have stuff in our past that we try to hide, or we all have some things about us that we do not want anyone to know, even if they are our significant others but you have to understand how important it is for you to be honest. Just like anyone else, guys want girls who are uncomplicated. It is okay if there are some things in your life which you are not proud of, but the truth always comes out in the end and the more you try to hide it, the more you complicate things.
No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who keeps secrets from them. Even when it comes to your emotions, be honest with him about them. Tell him what you are feeling instead of telling him that nothing is wrong when something is obviously wrong and then being pissed off when he somehow magically cannot figure out what it is. It is just really unfair to him and your relationship. Chances are he will deal with it the first few times but then he will get sick of the drama and jump ship.
I cannot stress enough about the importance of honesty in any phase or point in life. I swear, your lies eventually catch up to you no matter who you are or where you might be. No one can cover up a lie so well that it becomes the truth.
Hence, the fact that dishonesty is the polar opposite of honesty in all cases. Women who are honest about their feelings and any situation are so much more attractive than those who aren’t. Their honesty is the key to their success. Honesty doesn’t mean that you have to reveal your deepest darkest secrets to someone else. However, it’s better to brush it off than to lie about it.
9. Make him feel wanted:
A lot of relationships fail because it just turns into coexisting instead of actually being into each other. If you think you have found Mr. Right and want to keep him; make him feel wanted. Show him that you love and appreciate him. Do not make him feel like you just take him for granted and do not actually appreciate his true worth. Guys catch on to those feelings really fast. I know most girls assume that it is a guy job but every once in awhile send him a cute good morning text, guys actually really appreciate small gestures like that because it makes them feel wanted and it shows that you are thinking of him. Instead of waiting for him to plan date nights, plan them yourself sometimes and surprise him. He will love it. Also, just tell him. Remember honesty is key, so just tell him every once in a while how much you love him and how much you really appreciate him. Guys can be a bit thick sometimes so it might be a good idea to just tell him.
Ladies and gentlemen, cooking is not a woman’s job’, it’s actually a survival skill and both men and women should know how to prepare their own food if they want to survive, literally. Same as the case with making your partner feel loved. You aren’t supposed to love them because you’re a woman and that’s in your genes to love or whatever that means. You love and care for your partner because that’s what being in a relationship means, a genuine one at least.
If you make your guy feel special than you aren’t being undermined, they should make you feel special too. However, you can’t apply the tit for tat’ philosophy everywhere you go, especially not in a relationship. If they’re having a bad day then you should make them feel better because you agreed to be there for better or worse.
10. Be kind and affectionate:
This is a general thing. Everyone loves a person who is kind and affectionate. They give off a nice, positive vibe and make people around them happy. Be that kind of person (pun not intended). If you are a kind and affectionate person, you are going to attract kind and affectionate people and so your chances of finding Mr. Right increase. And, if you have already found him, still be kind so that he has a reason to stay around and appreciate you. If you are mean or rude, it is an immediate turn off for people. No one wants to be with someone who gives off negative vibes. If you are the type of person who is really affectionate that is great, guys love that. It makes them feel pampered and allows them to express the emotions that they keep locked up because they know that you will not treat them as a joke or play with them. You being affectionate gives them the chance to return that affection and know that it is valued and appreciated too.
Kindness and compassion aren’t to be overlooked in any person because it actually says a lot about you. You cannot be an absolute douchebag to people in your life and then maintain the fact that you’re kind. Fight for your right, sure yet don’t let anything overpower your compassion. Maintain your compassion because you are compassionate.
A woman’s status in anyone’s eyes is elevated to a very high degree when people see her being kind. They realize that she is a genuinely kind person and can be appreciated in a society where there are only a few kind people left.
11. Build him up:
I have met way too many girls who are so critical and negative from the first time they meet a guy. They make fun of their hair; their clothes etc. and guys just hate that. Just like you want a guy who builds you up, so do all men. They want someone who builds them up and makes them feel good about themselves instead of just breaking them down. I hate how people just assume that girls are the only ones with low self-esteem, a lot of guys have low self-esteem issues and they just need someone to help them overcome them. Be that person.
If you don’t want your guy to walk up and leave because your criticism is too overbearing for him, then stop breaking him down. Be kind and positive and make him feel good about himself and his ambitions. Make him want to achieve great things and make him feel that even if he experiences a failure in life he can come to you with it, instead of turning away from you in the fear that you will just criticize him for it.
Everyone has the potential to achieve great things. The concept that not everyone has the necessary skills to leave their mark on the world is completely wrong. Anyone can achieve greatness if they strive and work hard for it. Your ideal partner is someone who helps you achieve everything you are capable of. Not everyone has the right self-esteem to get through in life as the absolute best. However, it takes someone who actually cares for you to get you through.
It’s both the man and the woman’s responsibility to help each other reach the best of their abilities. For a woman, she needs to stand by her man in any and every situation and realize that life isn’t going to be all happy-go-lucky. It isn’t a fairy tale it’s actually cold and hard for anyone who thinks otherwise. If you’ve taken a vow or entered any form of relationship, you’ve basically agreed to be there in good and bad times.
You can’t magically appear when things are good and are nowhere to be seen when things are bad. You need to help them achieve the best of their abilities without denouncing or degrading them.