Sex is amazing. They say that sex is a lot like pizza – even when it’s bad, it’s still really good. It’s always so great and exciting whenever you find someone who wants to have sex with you.
And whenever you are privileged enough to do find that person, you always want to be doing whatever you can to not let that individual go.
You don’t want to be messing things up at all. When you are having sex, it’s a very passionate and exciting experience. You always want to be exuding charm, mystery, mastery, skill, and endurance.
You want to be as seductive and as impressive as ever so that your partner will not be left out. You want to always be performing at your best so that your partner will be enticed to have sex with you more and more.
Whenever the two of you are just getting your thing going in between the sheets, you never want to be putting yourself in awkward moments or situations.
You don’t want to have a roommate, a sibling, or a parent walking in as you’re having sex. You don’t want to have your body make any weird noises.
You don’t want to be uttering nonsense words that might put the entire vibe off. And you certainly don’t want to be saying anything that is cringe-inducing that might end up having your partner become totally weirded out by you.
If you’re curious about the weirdest kinds of things that people have said after having sex, then you’ve come to the right place. This article has compiled 12 examples from different people on the internet on the weirdest things that you could possibly say after sex.
1. “That’s cool. We got over 50k views on this video and so many commenters!”
You never want to just find out after having sex that your naked self has been broadcasted all over the internet for the world to see. Was this what you even signed up for in the first place?
2. “You are almost slightly better than your sister.”
You didn’t really know that you were competing with your sister in the first place. And what sucks even more? It turns out that you were losing the competition with your sister too.
3. “You were sufficiently acceptable.”
Well, you don’t know whether you should take this as a compliment or as an insult. You were told that you were sufficient and so you practically did the job. But is that going to be enough even? Shouldn’t you want to be more?
4. “That was a good try on your part.”
Uh oh. Looks like you fell short of what was expected of you. You didn’t exactly meet the highest standards but at least you can be consoled with the fact that you tried.
5. “Listen. I went to the doctors recently about an itch and I haven’t really heard back from them yet.”
No one likes any surprising news of STD’s. And you definitely don’t want to be someone who is on the receiving end of that news RIGHT AFTER having sex with someone. That’s some tough luck for you, I guess.
6. “Thank you for allowing me to cum inside of you.”
Sure, you let him cum inside you, but did you really need him to thank you for it? Was that even necessary? Did he really feel the need to express his gratitude in that regard? Well, looks like he felt like he did.
7. “Damn, I was awesome!”
You always want to be having sex with a guy who doesn’t really have any self-esteem issues. But is it still okay if you’re just with a guy who is too overconfident about his abilities? Well, that’s up to you to decide.
8. “Did you feel it? Did it go inside of you? Did I wear the condom right?”
It feels like you are taking a test with all of these questions that you’re getting from him. Didn’t you just want to have sex with him?
9. “Is it okay to call an Uber now or should I wait a little bit?”
Uh-oh. This is the awkward “Should I stay or should I go?” situation and he’s looping you into it as well.
10. “So, do you have anything to eat in this place?”
He’s hungry. And even though it’s weird for him to be asking about whether you have food to give, maybe you should just find solace in the fact that you made him work so hard that it built his appetite.
11. “So, how much do I owe you in total?”
He thinks you’re a prostitute and that you did this for the money? Should you even accept the cash at this point or not?
12. “Well, that’s the last time we’re ever going to do that.”
Ouch. He obviously wasn’t pleased with the performance. Guess, you’ll have to find someone new.