It’s not going to work out.
There’s no denying the age-old truth about relationships: There are just some people who are destined to be together despite all odds. And on the other side of the spectrum, there are just some couples who are destined to crash and burn in the long run. There are some relationships that we are in that actually make us better human beings. They motivate us and push us to become the best possible versions of ourselves. In short, they bring out the best in us. And conversely, there are relationships that turn us into toxic people we never dreamed of becoming. A lot of times, people are going to say that they don’t choose who they fall in love with and there is some truth to that.
But Of course, there are some couples that end up together even though on paper, it looks like things would never work out. One example of such a relationship would be that of an empath and a narcissist. Some people will say that opposites attract, but that is rarely ever the case in this kind of situation. A relationship between a narcissist and an empath often leads to pure destruction. Here is a glimpse into the various stages of that kind of relationship:
1.tIt’s highly likely that the empathetic individual is the first one who falls in love in the relationship. The narcissist will love all the attention that the empath is giving and thus, the relationship takes its start.
2.tThe empath will develop so many feelings and emotions for the pseudo relationship and they will end up acting irrationally and out of character. The narcissist is going to propagate a false environment of commitment and loyalty that can lead to the empath falling even further.
3.tThe narcissist will make the empath feel special and wanted even though the truth is, to the eyes of the narcissist, the empath is expendable and is merely filling a void that anyone else could fill.
4.tAs the relationship gets deeper and deeper, the empath will start to grow dependent on the relationship. The empath will feel a sense of total insecurity and vulnerability whenever they are away from their narcissistic partner. This plays to the narcissist’s desires; and they will really manipulate the empath into believing their own helplessness and dependence on the relationship. The narcissist will feed off of the weakness of the empath.
5.tThe narcissist will play the victim role like a fiddle. They will act very scarred and damaged and they will compel the empath into taking care of them even when they don’t need to be taken care of. This is a blatant form of emotional manipulation.
6.tThe empath will start to grow suspicious of the narcissist’s behavior, but instead of confronting them, they will merely act out of a place of love and patience. They will try to understand why the narcissist is acting this way instead of doing anything about it.
7.The empath will falsely believe that the problems in the relationship can be solved with love and compassion. But instead, this kind of behavior only plays into what the narcissist wants. The narcissist will start to feel more important and more powerful the more the empath invests in to the relationships.
8. tOver time, the empath will grow tired and weary. They will decide to open up and air their grievances even though it’s difficult for them to do so. However, the narcissist has done too good a job at making the empath feel invalid to the point that the empath will even start to doubt how they’re feeling and how they’re seeing things in the relationship.
9.tThe narcissist will thrive from all the drama that is occurring in the relationship. They love being the star attraction and the empath will keep on giving in to these desires. Whenever the empath tries to rise up, the narcissist will guilt them into thinking that they’re being victimized by the empath.
10.tThe narcissist will never own up to any faults or responsibilities. They will try to pin everything on the empath. Because in the narcissist’s eyes, they can do no wrong; and if anything goes awry in the relationship, it’s always going to be the empath’s fault. And the empath, believing in their own helplessness, will not hesitate to think that they are the problem in the relationship.
It can be difficult for an empath to escape from this kind of relationship. It takes a great deal of mental strength, emotional fortitude and external support for them to actually be brave enough to say that enough is enough. But the best way to combat this behavior is to develop better self-awareness and vigilance.
I love this! So much accuracy, clarity & validation. The only part that I do not relate to, is EVER thinking I was the problem. I did know for sure that I was not. I just didn’t understand why the problems were even happening in the first place because I knew I was what you would consider a good woman & a good human being.
I’m highly emotionally intelligent, a super empath, Christian & would later find out, very co dependent. So I knew I was doing everything in my power to make it work! In addition to that, I was a lot more experienced in relationships than my at the time partner was.
I bring lots of good useful experience, yet….I was being abused & devalued, it didn’t make sense! I’m very logical in that, if I’m mistreating you, then naturally…you would respond in kind. That makes sense!
But, because I was extremely loving, patient beyond imagination (if you’ve dealt with a narcissist you know why I say beyond imagination), forgiving over & over & over with no proof of changed behavior, plenty of failed promises & intuition that knew better.
Wanted nothing but the best for them, for us, tried to live by example, did my best to add value. Gave & gave but as the yrs went on, I looked older, my skin was dark & sagging, I begin being depressed, my smile changed, I was withdrawn, I felt hopeless & helpless when I’m a very optimistic person. I was confused & anxious, I felt both, lost & highly addicted. I was a mess! I was nothing like when I first came into the relationship.
I felt trapped but couldn’t let go. I didn’t know what to do. I was being ripped to shreds & I was in complete shock. I felt as though I couldn’t take care of myself. My mental health had greatly deteriorated & I had never felt anything quite like this. Even though I had been exposed to this disorder all my life, this was somehow very, very different! It was only when I was able to pray & beg God for help that I was lead to YouTube. There! the journey to freedom, the answers to all the mysterious behaviors & what would become my virtual support system to start climbing out of the hole of abyiss was!!! It still took me two yrs (after learning of what I was dealing with) of accepting hoovers & being sucked back into the relationship. However, the truth of what I knew was always close to me & the narcissist knew it! I made so many mistakes like, telling the narcissist I found out what your problem is….🤦🏽♀️Trying to help find therapy even during times I was broke down crying from their attacks & abuse…still trying to help them get free!
Because I TRULY wanted them to live a free life rather with me or not! I wanted them to experience all the love I tried to give even if it came from someone else. I would still try to show love as I tried hard to begin detaching myself & my soul from theirs.
Trying to ease out gracefully as to avoid the inevitable smear campaign & instant all out attacks & assaults on my character that I had experienced by this time for 6.5 yrs. My already battered & crushed heart couldn’t take anymore. But nothing worked I couldn’t escape the cycle of the one who lacked any self accountability, self assessment, self regulation of emotions, the one who lacked any empathy or who saw me as only an object there to appease & sooth them….I couldn’t escape the one who did in fact have full blown NPD!!
So for the very last devastation & blow I took from them, I have finally accepted them for who they ARE, what they are certainly GOING to do, & what they will NEVER do in this lifetime.
And I have decided to begin a full uninterrupted journey to self love development. To finally settle all accounts of trauma from childhood & up to move forward & have a more vibrant life than I’ve ever had!
Because I was forced to become a new woman, I was forced to have the rose colored glasses ripped from my face, I was forced to see love does not conquer all, love heals the broken who is willing to see their brokenness & their need for the healing.
I was forced to accept that not everyone wants to be good, wants to do good, & has a pure desire to do good to others. I was forced to see that truth does not always matter, & that correcting & assisting people to positive change through accountability that has no desire to do so, would lead to being disrespected, disregarded & seen as black!
I was forced to see, not all people have good in them & worse yet, they don’t care what you know, they only care that their able to deceive & give off an illusion that they are.
With that being said……here goes the healing!
🙏🏾❤️💪🏽💯🙋🏽♀️🆓✌🏽🥊