If you are lucky enough to be in a long-term relationship with someone, then you are undoubtedly going to go through a lot of milestones with your significant other. And one of the most major milestones that you could possibly have in your relationship is to decide on actually moving in with one another. If you and your partner are broaching the topic of cohabiting, then there are definitely a few things that you need to talk and think about beforehand.
You need to talk about how you’re going to pay for rent. You need to talk about what kind of chores or responsibilities you are going to have to maintain your household. These are just some of the things that you really need to discuss before you jump into a shared living situation. And when you are able to have these conversations, you will be better able to figure out if moving in together would really be the right idea.
However, there is a particular discussion that a lot of couples fail to have before they decide on moving in together – a discussion that has to do with sex. You have to take into consideration that sex should still play a very vital part of your relationship as you move forward. Yes, your sex life is constantly evolving as you get deeper and deeper into your relationship. But expect things to change dramatically when you actually move in together.
Based on the advice of Dr. Jess O’Reilly, a relationship expert, and sexologist, maintaining a healthy sex life with your partner once you decide to live together is a conscious effort that you have to make. O’Reilly explains, “You likely have to cultivate desire as opposed to expecting it to arise spontaneously. This is normal, as the initial attraction and excitement fade alongside novelty and unpredictability.”
If you and your partner just don’t spend all of your time together, then sex isn’t going to always be a perpetual option. However, all of that is going to change once the both of you decide to actually live together. O’Reilly claims, “Now that you spend every night together, it’s easy to fall into the routine of leaving it for another day — and this can be perfectly healthy as long as you’re both being honest about your desires.”
You have to always be mindful of the sexual dynamic in your relationship. And make no doubt about it: your dynamic is going to change once the two of you are actually living together. That’s why it’s important that you are able to talk about your sexual life beforehand. That way, you would be able to avoid any potential issues that might arise concerning your sex life.
O’Reilly avises, “Talk about potential issues before they become sources of tension and conflict. It’s easier to address an issue when emotions are not running high, so even if you’re not having issues at this time, be proactive about the conversations.”
And with regard to what you really have to talk about in your discussion, O’Reilly says, “I often suggest that couples begin with the Three Fs: Feelings, Frequency, and Fantasy.”
If you take the time to discuss these topics before you decide on moving in together, then it can bode really well for your sexual life in the long-term. And by extension, your relationship is going to be a whole lot better because of it as well.
It might feel awkward or uncomfortable to talk about it at first. But you’re just going to have to suck it up and talk it out. And if you need a little help with starting that discussion out, then that’s exactly what this article is for. There are just 3 questions in particular that you want to be bringing up with your partner in this scenario. Read on to find out what they are.
1. What feelings get you in the mood for sex?
You have to know what kind of feelings are most effective in getting your partner in the mood for sex. Do they like to feel safe? Do they like to feel happy? Do they like to feel loved and cared for? If you know the answers to these, then it would be simpler for you to create an intimate environment for one another.
2. How often do you want to have sex?
Again, it is really important that both of you are managing your expectations well and that you’re communicating these expectations to one another. That way, you’re going to be on the same page when you move in together. You don’t want to end up feeling cheated or shortchanged just because you couldn’t agree on the ideal frequency of your sexual exploits.
3. What is your strongest sexual fantasy?
And naturally, you’re going to get to live within the privacy of a space that you both share. You are now free to explore each other’s sexual fantasies without having to worry about privacy at all.
