5 Exact Reasons Why Narcissists Are So Bad At Intimacy
So how exactly do you know if a person is a narcissist or not? Well, first you have to know what narcissism really is and why it’s important to be able to spot out narcissistic tendencies from other people. To start with, narcissism is considered to be the type of behavioral trait that leads a person to believe that he/she is entitled to selfish pursuits regardless of how their words or actions may affect other people.
In a general sense, people who are considered to be narcissists are also people who have tendencies to be manipulative, selfish, arrogant, and demanding. Narcissists just inherently feel the need to place themselves in a position of power. They like to see themselves as individuals who are above other people. They are selectively social; meaning they only choose to associate themselves with people who they feel are worthy of their time and attention.
One of the most interesting and significant aspects of a narcissist’s personality is the fact that they always go the extra mile in projecting an aura of self-assuredness and confidence. And a lot of times, it’s because of that confidence that they gain the attention of so many people.
However, once you really get into the depths of a narcissist’s personality, you will discover that their confidence is mostly built on hollow foundations that have no weight to them. They are very emotionally insecure people and their sense of self-worth is tied heavily to the validation of other people.
And that’s why typical relationships with narcissists are usually more complex and complicated than relationships with regular people. They are going to want to project themselves as independent individuals but they will obsess over how you see them and what you think of them. They will have no problems preying on weaker personalities and capitalizing on the kindness of others.
Narcissists are never going to find themselves in intimate relationships because of who they are. To find out more, read on:
1. They never allow themselves to completely trust other people.
They can never really bring themselves to trust other people because of how untrustworthy they are themselves. It’s virtually impossible for you to get intimate with a person you can’t trust. The very essence of intimacy is vulnerability – and you can’t allow yourself to be vulnerable to a person who you also happen to not trust.
You are always going to have to trust someone if you want to open up to them. And in the world of intimacy, opening up is just downright non-negotiable. You really have to allow yourself to trust another person if you want to get intimate with them.
2. They are always looking for spots to put themselves in a position of power.
They never want to be weak. They never want to find themselves being vulnerable. And so it’s their reluctance to lower their pride and let go of their ego that makes them incapable of being intimate with other people. If you always want to be on top, you’re never going to be able to connect with any of your peers or equals.
3. They have tendencies to be abusive and manipulative in relationships.
A narcissist is selfish. And so naturally, a lot of what they do in life is going to be fueled by selfish desires. Sometimes, because of their utilitarian tendencies, they will tend to look at people as potential tools to help them get what they want in this world. And it’s because of that kind of philosophical view on the role of human beings that makes them incapable of establishing intimate ties with another person.
4. They aren’t good team players (particularly in situations where they don’t benefit).
A relationship is a partnership. You can’t possibly expect to thrive in an intimate relationship with someone if you can’t see them as an equal. And that’s the biggest problems with narcissists. They don’t see anyone else as their equals. They always see themselves as people who are above others – and it can be very difficult to establish intimacy with that kind of mentality.
You only ever really get intimate with someone you feel like you can connect with. So if you see yourself so far detached and above someone else, you are never going to be able to get intimate with that person. You are going to have to learn to humble yourself and see someone as your genuine equal if you really want to get to an intimate place with this person.
5. They are never going to be able to know what true love really means or feels.
A narcissist is just never really going to understand what it means to be truly in love with another person. True love entails a certain sense of selflessness and indebtedness. True love lets go of all ego and entitlement. True love is filled with so much affection and gratitude.
True love is the epitome of getting intimate with another person. And since a narcissist is virtually incapable of experiencing true love, it also makes them incapable of experiencing the pinnacle of human intimacy. And that’s a shame. Because there is nothing more beautiful in this world than two people who are in love.
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