There is just no denying the fact that a breakup is one of the most devastating experiences that a person could ever go through in life.

Whenever you go through a breakup, you always feel a sense of pain and longing coupled with feelings of disappointment and self-loathing as you grieve your loss.

And yes, even though they can be incredibly painful, breakups can also be used as a tool for building one’s self up. You can use this as an opportunity to take a look at yourself and come to terms with who you are as a person and who you need to become.

Based on the expert advice of spiritual author, Heather Kristian, a breakup allows you the chance to be introspective.

She says, “The key to self-compassion after a breakup is to allow yourself to spend time being quiet so that you can tune into all of the gifts that you gained from that relationship.” She goes on to say, “So often, we will immediately launch into self-blame or blaming the other — but what will really bring us peace and harmony is taking time to truly reflect on all that we’ve learned from the relationship and how we’ve grown. And then we must take these reflections into the new chapter of our life.”

A lot of us are going to be people who experience our feelings and emotions on a very deep and intense level. And that’s why a breakup can be a very emotionally compromising and overwhelming ordeal.

It can be downright devastating for a lot of people. You can spend so much time just thinking and wondering about what went wrong in the relationship.

You might beat yourself up over every single mistake that you’ve made with your ex. You might stay in bed all day and just wallow in your own self-pity and you might talk yourself down to the point that you lose all of your confidence and self-esteem. And that can be somewhat therapeutic to a certain extent.

But you never want to get carried away. You have to know that even though a breakup is painful, it’s a completely natural experience that is going to help you become the person you’re supposed to be.

It’s going to harden you up and strengthen you so that you are better able to withstand the various trials in life. When you are going through a breakup, no matter how painful or messed up everything might be, you must always make it a point to stay positive and optimistic.

You have to always try your best to see the silver lining in the situation. You don’t want to end up regretting how you handled your breakup the same way that these people did in their own breakups:

1. Jude, 23

I really allowed that breakup to get too drawn out. There was a lot of uncertainty between the two of us and we both ended up suffering for it. We knew that things weren’t going the way we expected and that we should have probably ended it. But we decided to wait things out. And in the end, we only ended up wasting both of our time and emotional energy.

2. Mike, 24

I said some words that came out of a place of anger and I have really come to regret them. I loved her. I really did. We just weren’t right for one another and I was extremely bitter about that. It wasn’t her fault. But I was too emotional. I needed an outlet and she was the easiest target. I decided to vent all of my frustrations out on her and that wasn’t fair. She didn’t deserve that. I wish I had handled myself better.

3. Kiara, 24

I just couldn’t handle myself. I couldn’t let him go. I should have ripped the Band-Aid off but a part of me was still trying to hold on. I stalked him a lot on social media. And that was a huge mistake. I was only exposing myself to the fact that he was moving on from me while I was still hung up on him. That brought a lot of unnecessary pain and stress into my life.

4. James, 24

I completely shut myself off from everyone. I thought that that would be best since I didn’t want to infect anyone else with my negative feelings. But that was wrong. I should have opened up more. I should have sought the love and comfort of my friends. I shouldn’t have shut them out of my life. I shouldn’t have blocked them off. It would have made the healing process a lot easier.

5. Rebecca, 26

I went and sought a rebound. And that was wrong. Instead of dealing with my pain in a healthy and constructive manner, I probably ended up causing pain to another person. And that wasn’t a good approach to getting over my breakup at all. It was very self-destructive and downright selfish.

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