You might’ve heard phrases such as you’re too controlling all the time or give me some space, will ya?, and this goes to all the women out there who agree they’re too controlling towards their guy.
So he has had a long weekend and his best friend invites him to a football match and a bear later. Now you know this is his only best friend. Nonetheless, the controlling factor wakes up inside you and you get this strong urge to do all in your power and possibly beyond to make your guy stay home with you instead.
What does he tell you? Stop being so controlling, what else. This is exactly the kind of behavior you need to get rid of. It isn’t good for you or the relationship. You should fight the wars without weapons, in case of relationships. There’s nothing wrong with having a distinctive sense of how things should be, but then again you should remember you cannot control everything, come what may.
Here are some basic traits you can adopt to become less controlling of a girlfriend and an open-minded, upbeat and more lovable one instead.
1. Don’t give in to paranoia
Each time your boyfriend gets a text or an email or an invitation to a party and so forthdo you think it would be reasonable to assume all of that’s coming from another woman? Will you check all his texts and emails searching for something that’s not even there?
That sort of paranoia needs to be controlled by simply trusting your gut. You are with this guy whom you know inside out. Somewhere in the back of your head, you know he isn’t one to cheat on you. Listen to that gut feeling instead of acting on paranoid feelings. There’s no use forming decisions feelings on temporary feelings anyway.
2. Give him his space
Whether it is about your guy wanting to hang out with friends or spend some alone time give it to him. Sure, you would rather have him next to you watching a movie and eating pop-corn together and laughing like kids around Christmas presents. So how will you be less controlling in such a case?
When it gets hard to let him have his space, which he rightly deserves, try to picture yourself in his shows and understand that his solitude means as much to him as yours does to you. You must have your worries too, right? Wouldn’t you want some personal space to sort things out? Well, so does he. Don’t control what he does and where he goes 24/7 because he deserves his space, all things given.
3. Communicate with him at all times
Life is harsh for everyone, in its own way. You never know what the other person might be going through. If you know you are a controlling girlfriend, and there are issues you have with your guy as to how things should be this and not that, just talk it out clearly with him. Get to know his terms and make him know yours.
This might be the oldest relationship card in the game but honestly, open communication goes such a long way to develop a good relationship where you do not come off as a mean, controlling and impulsive girlfriend. You have an idea that things should do in this direction and when they don’t, you naturally want to control your guy so the relationship turns out as you wish it to be. But do not forget, he has a say in it too, yes? So better to sit and talk things out with him rationally than let emotions get the best of you.
There is no need to be controlling towards your guy in, let’s say, which car to buy, when you both can just sit together peacefully and look at a model you both agree you like. And it is only when you communicate with your guy that you get a better glimpse of the kind of person he really is; what he likes, dislikes and so on.
4. Don’t act on impulse
Sometimes your partner might just be working on making things turn out the way you want them to. It just takes time; all good things do. But if you see the few small changes in the start and conclude things aren’t going as you had planned and act on impulsethat form of control can breed some long-lasting cracks in your relationship.
It might give your guy the impression that you don’t trust him, even when you do. So instead of acting on impulse in order to control the flow of things, just give it time and go with the flow. Your patience will be valued indeed. See where your partner’s efforts go after all, he wouldn’t be doing that much if he didn’t know you would like it.
5. Be accepting to change
Often times when you feel the urge to control things, there is an underlying fear of the unknown the unknown that might happen when things don’t go your way. To eliminate that fear, you try to control your partner. Or there’s an alternative way. Think of how the change would be good for you, how it could bring some positive effects in your relationship. So be more accepting towards change and let go of your fear of the unknown.
Talk to me
Have you been with a controlling partner? Describe your experiences in the comments below!