She’s broken…
She has had her heart broken by one too many boys in her day. They are always the same kinds of men that she’s attracted to. She likes the ones who don’t treat her well. Maybe she thought that one day, she could change them and turn them into people who were actually worth something in society. In the end, they only ended up breaking her spirit. But still she chose to persist. Maybe she thought that one day, she would get lucky, and one of these guys would eventually end up treating her the way that she deserved to be treated in the first place, but still, as fate would have it, love just never went the way the she wanted it to.
She was frustrated. She was broken. She was disappointed. And now, she’s practically losing hope. She understands that she’s been dating the wrong guys and that was her mistake to make. She’s owning up to the fact that maybe she should have been paying more attention to the nice boys like you. She knows that she’s been ignoring the men like you in favor of the guys who would eventually destroy her spirits. She knows that she’s been deliberately overlooking you for a lesser class of man. She’s sorry for that but she can’t do anything to change the past. She is going to have to live with her decisions and hope that her choices won’t come back to haunt her.
But still, she hopes for love and she hopes that she can find it in someone like you. But you should know a few things about her first. To start, she’s afraid. She has had her heart broken too many times and she doesn’t know if she can handle any more heartbreak. And next, she’s not entirely sure if she can rely on you to be the kind of guy that she needs you to be after she’s been used, abused, and manipulated so many times. To add to all of that, she’s not sure if she is going to be enough for you. She is a deeply damaged person and she knows that all damaged people carry some sort of baggage. But that’s just the tip of the ice berg. If you two are going to have any chance at falling in love with each other. There are some very specific things that she wants you to know about herself:
1. She isn’t used to being praised or complimented.
She has dated so many bad guys in the past, she isn’t used to being on the receiving end of compliments and nice gestures. So whenever you try to show her affection or whenever you throw a few compliments her way, don’t expect her to always respond appropriately. It’s not that she doesn’t necessarily appreciate them. It’s just that she doesn’t really know how to react to those things. Remember that these are new experiences for her and she isn’t always going to know what to do about them. Just remember to be patient, kind, and understanding with her as much as humanly possible.
2. She gets overwhelmed whenever you give her a lot of attention.
She is only ever used to being the one in the relationship who showers her partner with lots of time and attention. And so whenever she becomes the one who is in the receiving end of such attention, don’t expect her to deal with it well. She isn’t used to it. She might even feel suffocated with the minimal attention that you give her because she has been deprived of it for so many times in the past. She isn’t going to know what to do with it, so you have to give her the space she needs to acclimate herself to this new dynamic.
3. She isn’t going to trust you so easily.
Trust will be difficult to earn with her because she has had her trust betrayed so many times in the past. She is so tired of being disappointed and heartbroken. She is so fed up with men who just always choose to betray her trust like it’s nothing. That’s why she’s going to be very much guarded with you. You are going to have to fight to really earn her trust and that’s no easy feat.
4. She is going to suppress her feelings for as long as possible.
In her attempts to stay guarded, she isn’t necessarily going to be as open about how she feels about you. You aren’t going to be getting a lot from her because she doesn’t want to give you too much. She has given so much to her old flames and they all ended up disappointing her. So you can’t force her to rush her feelings
5. She is genuinely going to try her best to make things work with you.
It might not always show, but she genuinely wants to make things work with you. But she is too tired and too beaten to be the one who is always putting in the effort in a relationship. So you are going to have to put in a lot of the work. And when she’s inspired by your efforts, she is going to make everything worthwhile.
Talk to me
Have you been in this place? Talk to me in the comments below!
I been dating this girl for approximately 6 weeks. She divorce from her husband about 7 months ago and she was married for 4 years. She’s very broken from the inside.
All does 5 things you mentioned up there is a vivid reflection of what I’m living right now (except the part that she only been with only one person her entire life. She’s 23 years old and I’m 24 ?).
Right now because of the quarantine we stuck in two different cities. I haven’t seen her from we started dating and I feel like the flame we started with is getting cold. As you mentioned, I give her compliments and she always respond a bit cold (Thanks because of you now I know why).
I give her all my time and sometimes I will surprise her with gifts (I can sing and do a bit of 3D animation, so let your imagination dive into this fact), her reactions always be a bit cold ?. Just 2 days ago we almost break up cause I had to confront her, I had state what I was actually feeling because I felt worthless everytime I do something for her; actually I start feeling weird because all the attention and detailed gifts I gave her start looking childish when I’m not receiving the same attention (Yeah I know, she can’t do all what I do, but a bit of attention would of been good). I actually told her that she was playing a cold game with me.
That same night I felt bad for all what I say, I could not sleep and at this point we was done (we break up). I know it was my fault to express myself the way I did… At this point I realize homuch I really love her even if she was that way with me (Then the Psychology part of me was saying: SHE A GAMEEEERRR!!! ?).
I stay wake up and till 1 am. thinking on everything I have done for her and till a smart thought pass through my mind: Have I? What have I done for her? Actually the most thing I did was give her attention and created gift but thinking on myself and bot how she might actually be feelings, I forgot that she just had a divorce and she give it all to this person and got changed for another girl (And that point my psychology part of me was saying: Ok, ok I think know why she got change, but keep thinking, we might be colder than this ?).
I know making fun off this but trust me, does were the thoughts I had at 1 am.
So after been so selfish with myself, my internal psychology start explain me thinks and making sense of things, how long did it take me to get over a girl after a break up compared to her getting over this one? I mean, people strong in their own way, not because I take 3 or 4 months mean that it will take her the same amount of time, beside that my relationship never went over a year but her one went for 4 years, like damn, she even got married and promised “And till death do us part” that’s a big commitment.
I call my bestfriend(My bestfriend is a girl and she had a heartbreak 5 years ago after been in a 6 years relationship. She a bit cold now… Lemme fix that, SHE WAY TOO GODAMN COLD NOW), I ask her for feedback based on her experience been broken and what actually used to cheer her up. Everything she told me was base on giving her space and attention, taking it slow and rush, might probably take a year or something but just wait.
Me:
??? ? ?? ?
?????????????????? ? !!!????
WHAT!?
How can you give someone a lot of space and attention at the same time? Did you say 1 year? Corona virus probably kill me before this year finish. How slow?
Just kidding, I know what she meant. So let me refresh your mind, at this point we already break up but I know that she like reading and stuff like that, she go with the idealogy that she’s HOPELESS ROMANTIC GIRL!!!! (Her ex a piece a shit for trashing such sweet hurt), so I created a poetry based on the experience I having with her and the experience she having right now been broken by adding a bit of empathy and some how I manage to write that poetry telling her that I’m not giving up on her but I giving up on her.
Confuse?
Yeah, at first I was like that too, but hey, I’m genius (Honestly I’m prodigy ?).
But it’s the best poetry I had ever composed in my entire life, it’s so good that she actually answer back.
Now remember we still break up and I thought that if I send her a message she will not answer, but instead of a normal text I sent a poetry ?, the message was so huge, probably as huge as this comment I’m writing.
Ok, she answered my message and ask me to give her some time cause she’s not feeling like her lately (Now I know that we break up at this point and in the poetry I mention that I’m not letting her go but I’m letting her go which I giving her to understand that it’s up to her if she wants to continue and at the same time I giving up on her but I’m not giving up her ??. I know it’s kind off confusing but she was smart enough to understand what I meant, Actual I forgot to mention that we both think intellectually so the reading was supposed to be challenging ?), seems like I got a second chance ?.
So all this happened this morning that she answered my text message and now I’m out here looking for tips. My cold hearted bestfriend tips scare me a bit and I don’t want her to get cold like my friend ?.
I’m a person that love to do jokes, cheer up and give a lot of attention (Well that’s how I am in physic cause in her inbox It seems a bit different).
Any tips will be helpful of how to make things more interesting will help.
I just read my own comment and I’m like: Wtf?
What happened to my English? ???, sorry I haven’t sleep in a while, I posted the comment without reading back what I wrote.