Have you been in a codependent relationship?
Let’s set the record straight once and for all: a codependent relationship is not a healthy one. There is nothing romantic about not being able to survive in life without having your significant other by your side. That’s neediness. There is nothing cute leeching off the affections and love of your partner while not giving anything back. That’s called parasitism. Yes, it’s nice that you have chosen to be in a relationship with someone, but that doesn’t mean that you should be giving up your sense of independence and individuality. You should still be living a life that you can call your own outside of your relationship. Being codependent with someone is a sign of weakness and you never want your relationship to have any weak spots.
If you were in a genuinely healthy relationship, then there would be very minimal issues that hinder the dynamics of your romantic partnership. But when it comes to codependence, it’s as if each of you would falter at the slightest problem. You are placing too many eggs into one basket of your life and that’s not a healthy way to go about things. That creates a lot of unnecessary pressure in your relationship and remember that not all couples are built to deal with high pressure situations. You are only jeopardizing your relationship by promoting a culture of codependence there.
So how do you avoid the inevitable collapse of being in a codependent relationship? Well, first, you are going to have to acknowledge that the problem exists. You can’t possibly solve a problem if you don’t know that it’s there. Remember that ridding yourself of codependency means that you are going to have to learn to see the value in yourself. And you may have to make a few adjustments with how you approach things in life and in your relationships.
Here are a few things, mindsets, and behaviors that you really need to stop doing if you want to avoid codependency.
1. You think that a relationship is what you really need to be happy in life.
You can’t afford to be adopting this kind of mindset when you go into your relationships. Your sense of happiness and self-assuredness shouldn’t depend on whether or not you are in a relationship. If your sense of success and contentment in life is purely dependent on your relationship, then it would be so easy for your life to crumble into pieces. You will be plunging yourself into despair at the hint of rockiness in your relationship and you don’t want that. Make sure that you have other things in life that you can be happy about and be proud of. Your relationships shouldn’t be the sole source of your sense of happiness.
2. You think that being emotionally intimate with another person is exclusive to romantic relationships.
Just because you are not currently romantically intertwined with another person doesn’t mean that you should be emotionally intimate. Remember that you still have friends and family with whom you can have an emotional relationship with. You have to understand that the concept of emotional connections aren’t going to be exclusive to romantic relationships. You can still choose to have an emotional connection with someone with whom you have no romantic interests in. It’s very important for you to be able to build emotional bonds with people regardless of whether or not you are in a relationship. You are going to need an emotional outlet every once in a while and it doesn’t always have to be a romantic relationship.
3. You don’t know what to do with your time whenever you’re forced to be alone.
Learn to be happy on your own. Find yourself some hobbies that you can engross yourself in. Dive into your career and get lost in it. Do something for you. You have to be able to know how to be alone. You have to start learning how to appreciate the solitude and independence. You must be productive with your life. Go ahead and acquire new skills and develop yourself into a better human being. You must always be making good use of your time regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not.
4. You put a pause on the rest of your life whenever you start dating someone.
You can’t disregard the rest of your life the minute that you start a new relationship with someone. Remember that you have to be able to build a respectable and functioning lifestyle outside of your relationship if you want to ensure stability and health in your life. You can’t have tunnel vision and just focus on your relationship while ignoring the other parts of your life.
5. You forget that the most important person to love is yourself.
At the end of the day, you are your own priority. You are the one who is going to have your back at all times. You are the one who has to keep a close guard on your heart.