6 Don’ts of breakup
The last resort that everyone dreads is a break up. Going into a relationship you’re so focused on all the potential excitement that follows, that the thought of it ending doesn’t even cross your mind. But for some people, it sadly becomes a reality. Break ups can get ugly. Most of the times they’re far from civil. And they can drag on for quite a while. The reason behind all this volatility is that both people need closure. We tend to look for an easy way out, and in doing so, break up in the most indecent ways imaginable. In saving yourself from facing them, you’re actually being cruel.
You owe it to them, to end things in a befitting manner, rather than just getting it over with. You should never break up in any of the following ways:
Don’t break up over texts/calls/emails
Nothing less than a face-to-face interaction is acceptable when it comes to break ups. You’re about to walk out of someone’s life, you can’t just casually drop a text to inform them of your decision. They deserve better. It’d mean that the relationship never meant much to you in the first place, and you think that a text or an email is sufficient to end it. This is downright cruel! No matter how well drafted your message is, it’d still be cruel. Give them the closure they deserve and NEED. If you have taken the decision, have the decency to face them and the consequences that follow.
Don’t end all contact with them so that they’d get the hint
How do you get rid of someone? You start avoiding their calls, stop replying to their messages and get yourself out of seeing them. They eventually get the message, and you never hear from them again. You simply cannot treat your partner like that. Even if you’ve decided to break up with them doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be considerate of their feelings. It’s very insulting to them and damages their self-esteem. And since they never really get to know why you just vanished into thin air, this is something that always sticks with them. So save them the life-long scar and do it like it ought to be done.
Don’t cheat your way out of the relationship
You know that they will no longer want to be with you as soon as they find out that there’s someone else in the picture. Even if there is another person, your relationship doesn’t automatically become void. You’re still accountable to your partner. If you’re caught cheating on them, you’re making things more difficult for yourself. Do the right thing; tell them that you can’t be with them anymore. And wait for a little while after the break up before you pursue someone else.
Don’t do it in public
It’s undoubtedly one of the mist difficult conversations ever. And you never know how they’d react to this unexpected news. If you’re doing it in a public place where you don’t even have the slightest bit of privacy, you could be asking for unnecessary attention. If you break up with them in public, and they break down, it could be very embarrassing for them. If they’re mad at you and act impulsively it’s becomes embarrassing for you as well. It’d only make matters worse.
Don’t just spring it on them
Even if you intend to do it in person, make sure they’re not expecting it to be a date. You could tell them that you need to talk about the relationship, rather than leading them to think it’s another one of your meets. This way, they’d be mentally prepared to take the news. They might not be expecting a break up, but they’d be able to process it better. Don’t ever break up on a date. You can’t just tell them it’s over before, after or even during the date. It’s confusing and harsh for them to accept it.
Don’t use clichs
Its bad enough you’re telling them that you don’t want to be with them anymore. Using clichs like it’s not you, it’s me’, you deserve someone better than me’, I’m not good enough for you’ and so many others just shows that you couldn’t even bother to think of what to say to them. You’re simply falling back on clichs because maybe what you say to them, and what it does to them is the least of your concerns.
And the worst of all is we’re better off as friends’. You’re the one breaking up with them. You don’t get to decide how you two should continue, it’s their choice to keep in touch with you or not.
Honesty is an important element not only just during the relationship, but also at its end. However difficult it may be, but once you’ve made up your mind about letting them go, don’t drag it on. Be forthcoming. Tell them how it is. And please do it in person. Allow them to have a chance to come to terms with it. Be patient to their reactions. Just make sure that you’re doing the right thing for the right reasons.