Narcissism defines a behavior where people are self-centered and focused on self-inflation. It’s a personality disorder in which people think extremely highly of themselves and don’t empathize with other people’s feelings and needs.
Narcissists have an excessive sense of self-importance and lack empathy for others. They prioritize themselves and don’t genuinely care for their partner’s feelings or needs. In a successful relationship, both partners should give and take, but a narcissist tends to focus solely on what they can gain, disregarding their partner’s worth and emotions.
Here are a few red flag text messages narcissistic people can send you at some point in the relationship.
1. “I am super busy/I don’t have time for this”
At first, narcissists give you lots of attention and quick replies. But once they have you, they change. They get mad when you ask about their absence and accuse you of being clingy. They insult you for wanting respect, even though they used to want quick responses too. This is a common behavior of narcissists.
2. “I am so sorry. I don’t deserve you.”
The narcissist uses a half-truth in this text. They might say they don’t deserve you, but they aren’t genuinely sorry for their hurtful actions. Their apology is a tactic to manipulate you after abusive incidents and to regain your favor. They aim to play with your emotions and make you feel sorry for them. By saying they don’t deserve you, they want you to reassure them and show compassion, even when they’re not acting in a deserving way themselves. It’s a way for them to keep control over the relationship.
3. “They’re just a friend/co-worker. Nothing to worry about.”
The narcissist, who once sought your admiration, now enjoys controlling your emotions. They use a tactic called “jealousy induction” to create jealousy and competition. They mention past love interests or spend time with others to trigger reactions from you. They downplay your concerns, claiming innocence. Sometimes, there’s no actual threat, but they want you anxious. This manipulation makes you fear losing them and comply with their demands, keeping you from detaching or leaving.
4. “I am so tired of this/done with this.”
Yes, victims of narcissists can sometimes use this phrase to show they’re tired of the narcissist’s behavior. But narcissists use it to avoid taking responsibility and shut down healthy talks. They send it when you’re discussing problems in a fair way. For instance, you might tell them you feel they’re not there for you as promised. A caring partner would listen, but a narcissist gaslights you, making you doubt your feelings. They might get angry, end the conversation, and disappear, making you question yourself. This keeps you silent and trapped in the relationship.
5. “Look, I’ve been thinking about this for a while and this just isn’t working out.”
When a narcissist breaks up with you through text, it’s a way for them to avoid facing the situation in person while still seeming decent. They often follow a pattern, saying they’ve been thinking about it, and giving reasons like sensitivity or misunderstandings. This hides their real intention, which is to maintain control. This breakup is also a test to see if you’ll chase after them. They might even try to provoke you after the breakup.
6. “How are you? I’ve been thinking about you. I miss you and I don’t want to lose you.”
Narcissists may return after a breakup for in order to control you. They just want to stay connected for their benefit. They reach out when you move on to keep you dependent on them. Don’t engage with an abusive ex because you deserve better.
Have you ever received one of these red flag text messages? Share your experiences and thoughts with us in the comments below.
