Have you ever cared for someone so much that it physically hurt when they looked the other way and ignored you? Or love someone so deeply but had it all go to waste because they did not value it or considered giving you a chance? Or spend all your time and energy in making someone else’s life a bit better just to have it neglected? Or given away so much of yourself in a relationship that they took it all for granted, took all your pieces and just walked away with them, never to look back? Life is not always fair to any of us which is what makes it fair, as ironic as it is.
You might find yourself being the one more involved in a relationship, all the while your boyfriend just keeps demanding more and more from you without contributing anything himself in the relationship or giving you some credit and respect for doing all the things you do for him.
That means he is not giving you the time and love you deserve and is taking you for granted instead. Being with someone like that is toxic for you at more levels than you can imagine. It makes you think less and less of yourself and why wouldn’t it anyway? The one person who you value so much does not give you the respect and love you deserve.
That will make you think you are not worthy of all those good things at all from anyone. You will keep investing your time and efforts for someone who could not care either way. It will not only tire you out, but more than that, it will rob you of the time you could have spent working on yourself, leading yourself to better places and experiences in your life. You only live once, all the time you spend on someone will not come back.
So it becomes highly imperative in that case to make sure that the person you are giving your all to truly knows what he has and values it rather than using you and taking you for granted. The love you will be giving out to him might not come back to you full circle but that is not to say you should stay empty-handed altogether.
He should show you at least some respect and care for your efforts. Love is a two-way street. Respect is something that is very rare in this world. It takes a long time and effort to build it and seconds of negligence on the other person’s part to crumble it down to nothing. Even though love is that aspect of life which signifies different things to different people yet its basic ingredient is the same for everyone: realizing the worth of the one you love and giving them due respect.
We, as humans take everything for granted and only realize someone’s worth when we lose them. There are wonderful human beings in this world who persevere and always try to find a reason to stay with people who do not actually deserve to be with them, but they never stop trying because they are built that way.
They have been made to care too much and fight for both of you. How can they run from what’s inside of them? Such goodness is all they know, and they deem it wrongful to stray from this path and disrespect or give up on those they love. They will keep giving all they have to their relationships no matter how the other person takes it. These are the people who actually matter in the long run, the ones that actually make a difference in others’ lives and what do we do? We leave them no option.
We drag them to a dark alley where there is no such thing as love, respect, trust, honesty or effort and when they leave us, we realize the existence of a void which is hard to fill in our hearts. And then we regret what we had and lost without learning to appreciate it. If you have someone in your life who takes your kindness and affection for granted, you need to sever all ties with them. They will not only stunt your individual growth but will also alleviate your self-esteem.
1. He doesn’t respect your opinion
Some people have an opinionated nature. They try to speak their mind about certain things, and that’s not wrong. However, when you share your views about some matter, instead of having a healthy discussion, he becomes angry and tries to be very bossy and dominant and stubborn in proving his point. He doesn’t care about what you think at all. Whether it is things from everyday routine or more intricate matters of your relationship when you bring them up, he just brushes them off like they do not matter.
It is a sign he does not only lack respect for your opinion but also that he has no special in communicating with you. Hearing someone out on things that matter to them, noticing the ones they mention with great insignificance and even the ones they leave out it can really tell you a lot about that person. When your boyfriend is not taking interest in hearing you out, he is missing on a major portion of the relationship which would otherwise him to know you a lot better.
Sure, you might be a silent one yourself and do the listening part most of the time. Still, there is no denying the fact that even in such a case you will still have important matters to discuss with your guy. If he does not respect you enough to hear you out then there is no point being with someone of such a careless disposition. You need someone who values your opinion the same as you value theirs. Everyone has the right of freedom of speech and we as humans have varying beliefs and a very complex thought system.
Sure, you do not have to nod and be submissive to every word that comes out of your partner’s mouth but you should definitely respect someone’s opinions and not be judgmental.
In a long-term relationship, there will come a time when you will have to make a choice between your relationship or a small argument or a fight and you should know that nothing is worth more than your relationship when it comes to making that decision if you really love your partner. Love is all about compromise and you should have the temperament if you want an enduring relationship.
You should at all times avoid any sort of altercation but if by chance, you do get in one, do not hesitate to apologize. If the ego of your partner is more important to them, then they are definitely going to make the relationship toxic and your life miserable. It’s better to just get out of such an arrangement than to endure the emotional trauma day in and day out.
2. You are not his priority.
Some people have busy lives and they have a very hectic schedule to follow. That is quite evident. At the start of a relationship, it’s all sunshine and rainbows and he might even leave certain things to be with you but as the relationship progresses, such behavior starts to change and you can feel it in your bones. Whenever he promises to take you out or spend some time with you, something just comes up at the last moment and you are left hanging in the middle.
As it goes, we should respect those who take time out from their schedule for us but we should love those who do not even look at our schedule to be with us. So while you are out there getting pile upon pile of paperwork from your boss to get done with my evening and yet, you had that dinner planned in a new restaurant with your boyfriend and you just do not want to miss it so, you put all the files aside, head home and go out with him just as you promised him you would.
Now, on the other hand, you both are enjoying a good time together and he gets a call from work to question him something which can be done on the phone but instead he simply decides to get up and go down there himself, forgetting about you and the good time you both were having. So, what does such behavior tell you? Doesn’t it seem like someone who is taking you way too much for granted? The matter speaks for itself: if you do not come off as his topmost priority, and are nothing but a second choice to him, you should really walk away and find better ground for yourself.
It is destructive and painful as it is to leave a light out on for nobody, so why waste your time giving your all to someone who only ends up taking it for granted? Because in the end, you will have given so much of yourself to him in bits and pieces like this that there will be nothing left for yourself or worthier people who will come your way in the future. Being a second choice to that one person for whom you have dedicated your whole life is really hard. You see them giving priority to meaningless things and it rips you apart.
It happens once or twice but then it becomes a habit. We as humans are curious about each other and at the start of the relationship, as long as we remain interested, things work out for the best but when that subjective curiosity diminishes, humans lose interest and love starts to fade. Sometimes, it’s no one’s fault and sometimes people do not have the heart for a long-term commitment. Humans love the way the words sound and the way these words make them feel.
They love the concept of love but not the things that love requires to stay intact. Love is a struggle, it’s not just limited to the initial phase where there’s fire and it’s all sunshine and rainbows and every day gives you butterflies in your stomach. If a relationship reaches a point where your partner has no interest in anything you do and condone your activities and the things you do for them, it’s better to just end things and move on in life.
3. A different person when he wants to be physical.
His mood will be totally antagonistic towards you throughout the day but whenever his hormones start to fizz up and he starts to feel horny, he is a different person altogether. He’ll try to be funny and charming just so that he can fulfill his own sexual desires and after it’s done, he changes into the same person he was before. You are not someone’s toy, please value yourself and stand up for yourself. Being intimate is a sacred thing and should not be desecrated like that at any cost. Sure, we all get the gist: we accept the love we think we deserve.
If you consider yourself worthy of a meaningful, loving and respectful relationship, only then can you accept the best version of love he gives you. Otherwise, you will never notice these kinds of intentions he harbors, the ones which only involve being nice and respectful to you for sex and becoming careless and disrespectful after it is done and over with. He is definitely taking your kindness for granting when he uses you for sex and seems to have nothing to do with you at other times.
Don’t you think you deserve better? You are not a thing to be used and discarded whenever the need if fulfilled. Why would a relationship be any different? You ought to walk away from a partner like that, who only uses you when they need something from you, drain you by taking up all of your precious time and efforts then walking away like it all meant nothing. Most of the relationships nowadays are based on lust. We get attracted to someone’s naked body but not their naked soul.
The body is just a collection of cells but the soul contains the entire being. If you don’t get to know a person and the oceans that reside inside him, then you are just there to fulfill your own sexual desires. If your partner is only interested in having a physical relationship and always ignores you whenever you try to talk about your emotions and feelings and have some kind of emotional intimacy, then your partner is just there to satiate his quench for sexual thirst.
4. Minimal appreciation.
People often think being in a relationship is all about the big stuff: that amazing trip you two took together, that famous museum you visited, the karaoke bar you both sand in when you were drunk and had all your friends know about it, the moving in together and everything that followed and the list goes on. But most of the time, sharing your life with another person is more about the little moments, because they are what the big stuff later on. It is these little memories that you find yourself holding on to most at the end of the day.
The minimal acts of kindness and love shared between you and your boyfriend are what accumulate to the overall strengthening of your relationship. If your partner fails to notice the little things you do for him and just ignores them then your relationship is hanging by a thread. One day, you prepare a great meal for him, even though you had a lot of other things on your to-do list that but he is so busy in his work that he does not even bother to compliment you.
He does not understand the value of something that is right in front of him. And it is not just this once but he continues to do so every time, over and over again, hurting you like that, making you feel neglected again and again. If he is so taking even the little things you do for him as granted then what makes you think he will value the bigger ones you will do for him? You should not let yourself be kept in negligence like this and should stand up for what you deserve.
That is, someone who sees the love and affection you put in doing all the things you do for him, compliments you on them, tells you how much he appreciates them, what a difference it makes in his life and how it helps him deal with the stress of everyday life. Because, simply yet, that kind of love and beauty exists in the eyes of the beholder after all and if the person you share your life with fails to see it, he is not the one. He is just taking you for granted. Everyone likes to be complimented.
Once I was sitting with a 7-year-old kid and sometimes you will be surprised to know how insightful kids can be. They know more about life than most grown-up people do. So, this kid goes and tells me that I will compliment my wife even when she has wrinkles or becomes fat and he said that with such innocence and truth in his eyes that I know he will grow up to make someone the happiest woman in the world because let’s face it no one is perfect in this world and we have to find perfection in someone’s flaws.
That is what love entails. When you’re in love with someone, their little imperfections become their perfections. You see beyond their thick coarse outer exterior and you discover things about them that even they are unaware of and you make them believe in these things.
5. He ignores your texts.
When you have something important to say or when you just want to make sure he is doing okay, or when he will be home, it does not matter what the reason is he never replies. He always ignores your texts and it takes hours for him to reply. It is okay when this happens once or twice, but it becomes a problem when this becomes his habit. He takes your silence for granted and so, just because you do not consider it respectful enough to ask him about it, he starts to think it is okay to keep ignoring as he does.
And whenever you do muster up the courage to ask him the reason behind the ignorance, he always makes up lame excuses and laughs it off. That is not a good sign of respect and care from someone whom you are in a relationship with. It requires being there for each other whenever possible even when physically away.
Thanks to modern-day technology, we live in a world where we can stay connected to our loved ones with a screen in our hands, just to know if they are okay. So when he is away and does not bother replying to you, the distance does not bother him much anyway so, why reply? He is just taking you for granted.
Someone who ignores you like that will continue to do so even when it comes to face-to-face interactions where you need his full attention. Ignoring you and the things you say no matter what it is is not ever going to keep your relationship a healthy one. Besides, what if you get into some kind of trouble or an emergency pops up and you need him there but he does not reply back to you it just shows his disrespect and carelessness towards your well-being. You should not be with someone like that.
6. He hides big things from you and acts like it’s nothing.
Openness is vital to every relationship. It is a great symbol of trust that you choose to confide in the other person, let them in your weird little worlds and give them a tour too, perhaps. It increases the love and respect in that relationship. In a relationship, both the partners deserve to know each other’s personal lives and yet, you have no idea what he is doing in his personal life.
You have no idea about how his work is going or what is going through his head. He may even make major decisions in his life without even consulting you and make ridiculous excuses like, вЂњI just wanted to surprise you.
You are always the last one to know about certain things, his friends and his family might know about it beforehand. Sometimes, even his work colleagues know certain things before you. This is a major flaw that he is definitely taking you for granted. Just because you come off as someone who gives him his privacy, space, time and your trust does not mean it ought to be taken for granted, while he goes on doing things and not bothering to clue you in. Sharing your life with someone by being in a relationship with them involves them telling you about their plans and decisions, their dreams and goals and everything in between.
You tell him all your stories yet when it is time to know his, he shrugs them off and acts like it is nothing. Trust and openness work both ways. You should not give yours away unless it is demanded of you. So when he does not return the favor of trusting you and confiding in you, instead of taking it all for granted, then why should you continue to throw it all away on him? If there is someone in your life who is taking you for granted by exhibiting some or all of these above-mentioned signs then you should take necessary steps to fix the situation.
I like people who fight for their relationship but if you are the only one who is fighting and there is no response from the other side, then you need to re-evaluate things and act accordingly.
If you keep on trying for a long period of time, it will drain out all the positive energy inside you and not only affect the relationship but also your individual stability. Sure, you might not always get what you give out so selflessly in your relationship but still, getting at least something is necessary. It is the only way you can tell if the relationship is actually going somewhere.
You might be the one who always loves harder, cares way too much, smiles brighter, cries longer and feels way more than you should but in the end, if your boyfriend does not even make the least bit of effort to acknowledge all that you do for him and the relationship then he is just taking you for granted, nothing more or less.
So move on, find someone better who gives you the love and respect you truly deserve, someone who makes you realize why all that effort is worth it in the first place. Before you spend all of yourself in a relationship, make sure your partner actually knows what he has got right there in his hands instead of being someone who only takes you for granted.
Talk to me
Have you ever been taken for granted? Has that changed you in any way? Has that changed you into someone who used to care a lot but now you don’t? Let me know in the comments below!