Whenever you are in a relationship, it’s normal for the two of you to go through a few rough patches. And sometimes, these rough patches might even be serious enough for the two of you to seriously consider whether your relationship is still worth holding on to. That’s normal as well. However, just because it’s normal doesn’t mean that you should be taking a situation like this lightly. It’s still important that you and your partner do whatever it takes to make sure that you make it out alive.
According to experts, there are a few ways in which you can determine whether your relationship is going to be able to weather the storms or not.
“One of the top reasons couples come to my practice is because they don’t know how to manage conflict well,” says therapist Heather M. Garner, LCSW-C. “Most relationship fights boil down to ‘if you would just do it my way’ or ‘if you would just see it my way.’ But our partners won’t see it our way or do it our way because they are not us.”
The manner in which you and your partner handle the conflicts and arguments that you might have can really make or break your relationship. According to Garner, “Most people engage in behavior during times of conflict that can be extremely damaging to the fabric of the relationship.” That’s primarily because a lot of people still have learned the necessary conflict resolution skills that will allow them to overcome such trials in their relationship.
All relationships are never going to be without their fair share of disagreements and conflicts. That’s why it’s important for you and your partner to know how you’re going to come together despite whatever differences you might have. You aren’t always going to see eye to eye on everything. But you still need to make it a point to be open-minded and understanding of where your partner is coming from. It’s not going to do your relationship any good if you allow yourself to practice poor habits when it comes to conflict resolution.
If you notice that your partner or yourself are guilty of committing the following mistakes whenever you are going through relationship problems, experts say that it’s highly likely that you aren’t really going to last.
1. They shrug off the importance of particular issues.
When you have issues in your relationship, you can’t be so willing to just shrug them off to the side. You have to make sure that you address them head-on. There’s no way you will be able to resolve them if you just sweep them under a rug.
2. They unleash their frustrations on you.
When you have problems, you need to make sure that you keep your cool and your composure. Your emotions are going to be running high, but you still need to keep your feelings in check. You can’t allow yourself to get carried away.
3. They shut you out of their lives.
Shutting your partner out would be a really big mistake. It is very immature and it shows that you are just virtually incapable of engaging in mature conflict resolution practices.
4. They completely shut down altogether.
But worse than just shutting your partner out is shutting down altogether. Instead of continuing to fight with your partner, you just roll over and go along with everything that they say which would make you very unhappy.
5. They point out all of your flaws and mistakes.
Instead of staying focused on the issue at hand, they actually make things personal and they try to attack your character. They would really highlight all of your flaws and imperfections.
6. They talk over you in the middle of an argument.
They willingly talk over you right in the middle of an argument. Instead of making an effort to hear you out and understand where you’re coming from, they just talk over you as if your voice and opinion don’t matter much to them.
7. They prioritize individual needs over the needs of the relationship.
They are selfish. They don’t show a willingness to place the needs of the relationship above their own personal selfish desires.
At the end of the day, you’re always going to have a shot at making things work. It doesn’t matter how hard things might get in your relationship. So as long as the two of you show a willingness to come together and work your way through your issues, you will be able to make things last. You always have a shot at making things work so as long as you don’t give up on one another.
And it’s important to stress that it’s going to require the conscious effort of the both of you in the relationship. It can’t just be a single person’s effort. It has to be both of you. You have got to act like a team. You have got to have each other’s backs.