21 Signs It’s Lust, Not Love

Is it love or lust? Let’s talk about the difference between love and lust. Certainly, they ignite the fire within you and you cannot breathe for the passion that keeps you up at night, but is that what it is? Passion? Love? Or instead, just one of the baser emotions? Could it possibly be lust? I suppose, for me, the first clue should have been during our time together when he said, “You don’t have to like the other person to want them.” Or perhaps later when he indicated that he is looking for something better, and someone more ‘marriageable’ in his eyes.

A relationship based on lust is great if you know what you are getting yourself into and do it with your eyes wide open, for a good romp in the hay. No one is going to blame you for having certain sexual needs and desires. No one is going to fault you for that. It’s all a part of being human after all. But what’s important is that you don’t delude yourself. Here are 21 signs that what you share is lust, and not love.

1. You’re dressed to impress

You are always looking at your best with them. Your eyebrows are waxed, you are invariably dressed to advantage, and your Brazilian is immaculate. Whether you’re a man or a woman, the point is that you take particular care in your appearance each time you meet them. In a relationship that is based on more than just the superficial, you and your partner wouldn’t care if your hair wasn’t perfect someday because your relationship is much more than all that lies outside.

2. A dearth of meaningful conversations

“Love is the friendship that has caught on fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.”

-Ann Landers

When you’re in love, and I mean well and truly in love, you are comfortable with your partner and all that they are. Which means you are also comfortable talking about most things with them. Your partner is your friend, unlike lust, in which case friendship and the meaningful conversations that come with it are lacking. Conversations making up your problems, your hopes, your dreams, and your life, in general, are missing from your interactions.

3. They look like sin

In a relationship based on lust alone, your partner most likely appears to be a version of Adonis/Aphrodite. And you’re oft left thinking that nature has bestowed an inordinate amount of beauty on this individual. You cannot stop thinking of their looks and believe them to be perfect when the reality is that they are far from it. In love, you see past a person’s imperfections to the beauty and kindness within. There is a passion, but it isn’t based solely on their looks, rather it is derived from the love you two share.

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Relationship Rules

Relationship Rules is my ideology of love. It's a concept of emotion and oneness. Check out my book - "50 Rules of a Relationship" here.

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