Certainly, they ignite the fire within you and you cannot breathe for the passion that keeps you up at night, but is that what it is? Passion? Love? Or instead, just one of the baser emotions? Could it possibly be lust?
I suppose, for me, the first clue should have been during our time together when he said, “You don’t have to like the other person to want them.” Or perhaps later when he indicated that he is looking for something better, and someone more ‘marriageable’ in his eyes.
The lines between lust and love can get incredibly blurred, and it’s important that you are able to make the delineation clearly and honestly. If you are going to be really vague and ambiguous about it, then both of you are at risk of having certain expectations and needs being unmet. You always need to make it a point to know exactly what the state of your relationship is and what it might entail. Otherwise, you might be setting yourself up for some serious disappointment and potential heartache.
This is a very big issue these days wherein a lot of people are becoming more and more comfortable with casual setups and unemotional flings. More and more individuals are getting more comfortable with their sexuality, and that could potentially lead to a lot of purely sexual connections. So, a lot of people find themselves in some really dangerous grey areas in relationships that only end up in a lot of potential dysfunction.
Transparency can be difficult to achieve in a relationship when the people in it aren’t really sure about the situations that they are in themselves. That’s why it’s essential that people maintain a sense of self-awareness in the relationship. You always need to make it a point to know and understand what kind of setup you have with another person. And more importantly, it’s important that you know what kind of feelings that you might have with regards to connecting to someone else. You might be duping yourself into thinking that you are in a romantic relationship with someone even when you’re just feeling lustful. On the flip side of the coin, you might be deceiving yourself into thinking that you’re in a purely sexual relationship even though you or your partner might already be developing feelings for one another. Either way, this can really be problematic.
A relationship based on lust is great if you know what you are getting yourself into and do it with your eyes wide open, for a good romp in the hay. No one is going to blame you for having certain sexual needs and desires. No one is going to fault you for that. It’s all a part of being human after all. But what’s important is that you don’t delude yourself. Here are 21 signs that what you share is lust, and not love.
1. You’re dressed to impress
You are always looking at your best with them. Your eyebrows are waxed, you are invariably dressed to advantage, and your Brazilian is immaculate. Whether you’re a man or a woman, the point is that you take particular care in your appearance each time you meet them. In a relationship that is based on more than just the superficial, you and your partner wouldn’t care if your hair wasn’t perfect someday because your relationship is much more than all that lies outside.
2. A dearth of meaningful conversations
“Love is the friendship that has caught on fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.”
When you’re in love, and I mean well and truly in love, you are comfortable with your partner and all that they are. Which means you are also comfortable talking about most things with them. Your partner is your friend, unlike lust, in which case friendship and the meaningful conversations that come with it are lacking. Conversations making up your problems, your hopes, your dreams, and your life, in general, are missing from your interactions.
3. They look like sin
In a relationship based on lust alone, your partner most likely appears to be a version of Adonis/Aphrodite. And you’re oft left thinking that nature has bestowed an inordinate amount of beauty on this individual. You cannot stop thinking of their looks and believe them to be perfect when the reality is that they are far from it. In love, you see past a person’s imperfections to the beauty and kindness within. There is a passion, but it isn’t based solely on their looks, rather it is derived from the love you two share.