It’s just really unfortunate whenever you find out that the person you’re in a supposedly loving relationship with is just settling for being with you. Naturally, you would want any person that you would fall in love with to also be in love with you in return. You deserve that.
But unfortunately, the universe doesn’t always give us what we want or what we deserve. We can still end up in relationships with people who don’t really love us – people who are just settling for being with us. And according to leading experts in the field, if you are perceptive enough, you will be able to spot the signs that your partner is merely settling for you – and that they’re not really in love with you.
Contrary to what many people may think, it actually takes a lot of effort and energy to settle for a relationship with someone. There is just so much acting and deceit that goes into settling in a relationship that it can really take a lot out of a person. For instance, if your partner is merely settling with you, then they genuinely have to put on a show whenever you try to be intimate and affectionate towards them.
They will try to emulate the feelings that you have for them – but it is all just so unnatural and inorganic. It’s all fake and it really takes a lot of effort to take your own feelings for another person. Truthfully speaking, no relationship is ever going to be simple or effortless. But when the love in a relationship is real, then the expression and manifestation of that love shouldn’t require too much effort at all. It takes a whole lot more effort to be fake than to be authentic.
When you love another person, you are going to want to make sure that that person feels as included and as involved in your life as possible. You want to make sure that you don’t go in with your life having your partner as a mere spectator. You want them to feel everything that you feel. You want them to be a part of all of your experiences.
You want them to be a part of any major decisions that you might have to make concerning your life and the relationship. And that all requires a great amount of energy. And when someone gets tired in a relationship, then that’s when a person’s true colors will start to show. No matter how tired you might be, if you love someone, you are going to love that person consistently. But when you’re faking that love and you have no more energy to put up with that charade, then it starts to become a lot more evident.
But there are other ways to tell if your partner’s love for you is authentic or not. You just have to be able to know the signs so that you can be on the lookout for them.
1. They don’t really express a real interest in the different facets of your life.
They don’t really try to get to know you better. They aren’t really all that interested in getting closer to you and building that connection between the two of you. Your partner doesn’t really take the time to go deep into what makes up your character and personality.
2. Your relationship doesn’t really feel like a partnership.
You’re more like two people who are just living individual lives alongside one another than two people who are in a relationship together.
3. Your partner is very critical of your behavior.
Your partner already doesn’t exactly like the unideal circumstances that surround your relationship. And so that’s why they will try to criticize and change you in however way they can to turn you into the person that they want you to be.
4. The only time the two of you ever really connect with one another is when you’re having sex.
Sex is great in a relationship. However, if sex is the absolute pinnacle of intimacy and connection that the two of you have as a couple, then that’s not a good sign.
5. Your partner doesn’t really make it a point to plan for your relationship.
Your relationship is more like a casual agreement between two people; an agreement to just stay together without having any real direction or motivation to see things through until the end.
6. You constantly feel undervalued and unappreciated in the relationship.
You never feel like you are given importance or priority. You feel more like an accessory to the life of your partner than an actual human being.
7. You don’t feel like you can freely express your opinions.
You never feel like you have a safe space to express yourself. And if you ever do, you never feel like you are being heard or being paid attention to. It’s like anything that comes out of your mouth just falls on deaf ears. No one makes you feel heard in your relationship.
Yes definitely I understand I’ve been there and it has made me a stronger woman believe me ,For instance his female friends and hoes on Facebook or Instagram is his priority so i love me and I hold my head up high i.still love him but I just care less cause im.a queen and I kiss no.mans ass I treat mine like a king
Crazy but all these are true %100. I know.
Amen
And I get treated like that oh hell no
32 years. 25 of them married. 2 kids. He never ever loved me. I know that now. I loved him. He was never interested in anything I said. He criticised me alot. Wouldn’t even hold my hand. Went off and I never knew where. Never included me. I always forgave him. I loved him. He cheated. I found out by accident. He left. I met a new man. WOW. The difference is unbelievable. This man cares, values my opinion, always asked me how my day was, is kind, thoughtful…warm and loving. He appreciates me. Its wonderful.
So many wasted years with a man I obsessed over, infatuation, not a healthy relationship. BUT I LOVED HIM.
Glad to hear you get your happy ending! Good for you, I’m sorry you feel that you wasted so many years feeling the way you did. It inspires me to change my life, and relationship.
Hello, I am currently 23 years into my marriage. I was married very young at 18 he was 24, I thought we were good for so many years and now I find myself asking if it is just me or if he knows it too. My question is this….How did you know or when did you start seeing the signs and can you help me? I do not know what to do!
I feel so unappreciated I have done the 3Cs for this fiancé of mines and he still hasn’t shown appreciation just say I appreciate you is not enough I cook, clean, and cater to his every needs. I’ve done the traditional wife duties to a guy who ex wife have never done this and now I beginning to understand why even bother he didn’t fade him none when he was married so why do all the ironing his clothes doing all the Cinderella duties for a guy that all he even did was put a ring on my damn finger
Honey, I don’t know you or your situation, but I DO know that you deserve better. Do NOT do “wife work” for girlfriend wages. It’s better to be alone than to wish you were.
Then you shouldn’t or should not marry him if you saw all those signs. It wasn’t going to change he wasn’t going to change!!!
Damn. I understand. Why do we do this?
Well going thru all this now but worse I feel all these signs and to top it off anything I would do I was wrong like her kicking me out and then when I would go see friends cuz she would block me so I couldn’t call tell me I chose everything over her but just tonight turns around and breaks our plans to go out with girlfriends after she says there are never guys with them when they go out and then msg and said they were picking a guy up so it’s really bad all these signs and the narc to deal with in one I do love her and trying to talk she tells me she don’t know when she is free but says she wants us to work out I’m at my end
As someone who was on the other side of this year’s ago I truly thought I loved him but I look back and see I didn’t and really never wanted to spend much time with him. Over the years I finally saw it and told him and he flipped out like he would not except I wanted the relationship to end for good reason we were both miserable. I made all the money tho so he didn’t want to let that go but what I’m trying to say is sometimes the person who’s not really in love doesn’t know that they aren’t but all these signs were absolutely true.
I repeatedly have been looking into these relationship rules articles / understandings. I have repeatedly come to realize I have been a good man for the woman I love so dearly, but unfortunately she never was truthful with me, she claims she loved me, obviously she lied. All the articles prove she was nothing but a liar. And I expelled a lot of energy pretending that I felt okay. Never let the red flags go by stop them in their tracks and talk about it. Basically if she can’t talk about her true feelings and show respect in that way then it’s time to walk
away from the poison, which is what I did!!!!!
Excuse me a moment while I pour me a glass of wine. So I can drown my sorrows over the fact we get ONE LIFE! One shot at this and I have completely thrown mine away on they habitual liar I’ve thrown my best years away on. Eh, at least he is aging like shite! 🍷
My ex aged so badly that I didn’t even recognize him! I told him many times he was going to get ugly but it is way worse than I said it would be!
Lie seems to be the culprit. Looks like both are seasoned at that skill. Love lies in lies. If he is aging with simile attached, is time turning backwards for you?
How is ‘a woman i love dearly’ turning to ‘poison’ by the comment end?
If he is turning old, is time travelling reverse for you?
Compatibility display.
Don’t know where to start ever since I started following this page has helped me realize that I am with the wrong man, am pregnant his 2nd kid and it’s sooo hard that he doesn’t care what happens around me , doesn’t even check me during the day work, when I get home I find him on his phone , he gets to bed midnight ..he sidelines me in everything I don’t feel appreciated at all I cry myself to sleep every night , when I tell him how hard this pregnancy is he’d be like it’s not your 1st u should know mos what to do …yhoooo I am wasting my time here and it hurts sooooo bad.
Amen to this article being published
This is absolutely true, I was in such River and I should know the strength of the waters
I feel like Lydia from Beetlejuice…except he ain’t forcing me—I’m a willing welcome mat. SMH. Every guy I’ve dated has cheated on me. After my last breakup, I swore off dating. But here sneaks my current (days are numbered for sure) guy selling this bs I should have known better than to believe! I really threw everything I had in a relationship with him. For five years he was the man of my dreams. In March (my birthday) he cheated on me. The one thing we agreed to never do before we got together. Now we have an autistic 3 year old along with kids from previous relationships…& a house. I can’t believe he faked being in love, being soulmates, & pretended we would be together forever. I am so done with even trying, I pick Beetlejuices every single time, so I’m gonna change it up & pick myself this time around! Sorry for the too-much-info word vomit, but I of course let him chase off all my friends (& my true family members that loved me have passed away) so I don’t have anyone to vent too. I hope everyone finds what they are looking for, & what they deserve! best wishes!
I completely can relate took the words outta my brain.
You talk as long as you want. I know more than just myself related to your story and needed to know they weren’t alone. Thank you for sharing. Your a smart lady…you can’t change the past but you can change your future! Maybe stay single for a while and get to know yourself and I’ll help you pick out somebody that better fits you know you deserve better than that! Be choosey…it’s more like…who is worthy of you of your love? You only live once so make a good choice on who deserves to be your happily ever after! Good luck and take care!
OMG!!! The part about ***ALL YOUR TRUE FAMILY MEMBERS WHO LIVED YOU HAVE ALL PASSED AWAY*** IM SO FRIGGEN THERE, during this whole charade of a “relationship” I’ve had to bury my sister, 2 years later my rock solid Dad. I’m such a a punk crying while I reply to your post, but I just had to let you know that I GET YOU. I UNDERSTAND MORE THAN ID LIKE & IM SORRY YOU FEEL ALL THIS PAIN OF A TRASH A** RELATIONSHIP & IM ASSUMMING COMPLETE HELPLESS EMPTINESS THAT NO ONE CAN HEAL. Hoping life takes a spin fir better in your favor of course cause I hate the fact that there’s another female out there that feels the way I do & living my life which I would never wish upon anyone! SMH, I know.
We found common ground in pain. Not the best of methods to meet new folks but@least YOURE NOT ALONE!
I am that idiot that has put myself with women that are like that…. I would question their actions only to be accused of starting a fight or being delusional and I was spot on the vast majority of the time if not every time. I lost my retirement and numerous assets too. .
Been there done that!
Help. That’s me now. What do I do to make it work
Absolutely correct
Love this Do NOT do “wife work” for girlfriend wages. It’s better to be alone than to wish you were.!!
I’m just crying now cus every thing here describes my 7 year old relationship. That’s the things I’ve recently come to notice was happening all these time, and I’m blaming myself for not being more attentive. I can’t hold my tears anymore. I wish someone could hug me.😢😢
Spot on ! Every single one of them !
Hi ,its like u r discribing my marriage my husband cheated lied about it ,am blame me for everything ,not appreciated if I said let us talk , I do most of talking am tired of trying