Don’t be played.
Relationships are never a sure thing. You always have to be taking a chance on someone in the hopes that your hunches about a prospective happy relationship come true. While of course, you can never really know for sure what’s in store for the both of you in your journey of falling in love with one another, you still always try to hope for the best. You want to be in a relationship that has serious potential for the future but the sad thing, your partner might not necessarily be thinking the same thing.
Sure. You could be going all-in thinking that you have a serious shot at going the distance with this person. And you just automatically assume that they feel the same way. But you shouldn’t. It’s possible that your partner might still be in a relationship with you even though they might not necessarily want the same things as you. And that’s where things really get messy. You might be thinking too far ahead about your relationship and your partner might just be seeing you as a temporary placeholder until someone better comes along.
And that’s why you must consider it a priority to really see into your partner’s intentions and true feelings. You will always want to make sure that you can read your partner accurately so that you don’t end up blindsided by hidden agenda.
You would never want to emotionally invest yourself in a person who isn’t as emotionally invested in you as well. That’s why you need to be able to cut beyond the surface and see what your partner’s really made of on the inside.
The one thing that you have to understand is that if you have a partner who is really serious about spending the rest of their life with you, then they would probably make an effort to not be ambiguous about it.
They would want you to know and feel that they’re deeply committed to making things work with you. There would be absolutely no doubt in your mind that the two of you are serious about trying to make things last.
But if you can’t shake that feeling of unease and uncertainty about your partner, then perhaps you have to consider that there’s something wrong with this picture. They might be saying or doing something in a relationship that looks good, but somehow it doesn’t make you feel the way that you want to feel.
Maybe something is wrong after all and you just need to get to the bottom of things. Here are 7 signs that your significant other only sees you as a temporary placeholder.
1. You don’t really talk about the future in a concrete manner.
Any talks about the future are either always shallow or just plain nonexistent. You would realize that you’re in a relationship that’s going nowhere if your partner just avoids all talks about the future in general.
2. Your instincts are telling you that something is off about their commitment.
You have to learn to trust your gut at times. It’s there for a reason. It’s looking out for you. You need to be able to listen to it when it’s trying to tell you that something is off. A lot of times, your emotions can get the best of you and blind you from reality. They will force you to lie to yourself. But your instincts always see the truth and they never lie to you.
3. They don’t really make the effort to integrate you into their life.
If they’re not making an effort to slowly integrate you into their life, they’re not all that invested in you. You will realize that something is off if they don’t take the time to introduce you to their family and friends.
They can post about their favorite movies or sports teams, but they wouldn’t dare post a picture of you. that would be too serious.
5. They just outright tell you that they don’t want to be in anything too serious.
Sometimes, you don’t really have to read between the lines. If you’re lucky, you will actually find yourself a partner who is honest enough to be upfront with you about how they see you. They will not want you to think that they’re seriously considering spending the rest of their lives with you at all.
6. You don’t have any deep conversations with one another.
You don’t really get deep with each other. It’s all just always surface level. You have a shallow relationship that is serving as a placeholder for a deeper and more serious one.
7. They only show up for you whenever it’s convenient.
A person who is only treating you as a placeholder doesn’t really love you they only love that you’re there for them when they need you. And in return, they’ll only ever really be there for you when it’s convenient for them. There will be no consistency there.
Talk to me
Has this happened to you? Talk to me in the comments below!
I recently (as in 2 days ago) had a relationship end due to this. We had met online ~7 years ago, lost contact for 5 and reconnected in July. It was an explosive, emotionally and romanticaly, reunion. I travelled via RideShare 6 hrs in a car to meet him in person and it was an amazing 4 days. But on the 2nd night I was there, he flat out told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship. My heart sank and I got a knot in my stomach. I wanted to run and scream but where would I go? I was in a foreign province (Canada) and city and I was stuck there. So I did the only sane thing. I told him the same. It wasn’t a lie because I wasn’t LOOKING for a relationship, but I wanted one with him at this point and if it had presented itself with him, I wouldn’t have given it a second glance. I would have said yes.
3 weeks prior to this, he had said that he couldn’t be romantically involved with me anymore. He was worried that he would meet someone there closer to him and that he would have to cut ties with me in order to try to make it work with that woman there because she was closer. He had already told me at least twice that if I were closer than things would be different. I still didn’t listen.
The day after he’d told me that he couldn’t be romantically involved with me anymore, but still wanted to stay friends, we took a bit of a breather but continued chatting via FB messenger. That same day, the flirting started again. At first I didn’t realize he was flirting. Then the obvious flirting popped up. And I thought that maybe he’d had a change of heart. Soni left it instead of talking to him about it. Next thing I know we’re making plans for me to visit on the Labour Day long weekend.
This leads me to where I left off.
Even though we’d already been intimate the first night I was there and all weekend, and walking around holding hands like we were a couple, 3 weeks later, our conversation took a turn for the worst.
He started by telling me he had to postpone his trip to see me which was supposed to start on the 25th of September for several days. To cancelling everything all together. And the ONLY reason it was cancelled all together was because I picked up on something he said. He was “scared to upset me by telling me”. Why would he be scared of upsetting me if he was just postponing the trip instead of ending everything all together? I started asking questions and that was that.
I feel completely used and alone again. We’re still friends in Facebook though I am not messaging him. Trust me, I went to. But I know he won’t respond. I haven’t posted ANYTHING to my newsfeed since yesterday at 1:30 am be side I don’t want to which is RARE for me. But I’ve been updating my story with memes and such about relationships and if you lose a good woman they’re almost impossible to lose. I totally forgot he was still on my FB. I just assumed he would have unfriended me untill I saw he was reading my story. 😮 Uh, ok?
I spoke to a good friend of mine who is the person I met him through and she said not to block or delete him. That maybe he just needs time and that it would be really sad if I made a rash decision like blocking him if it turned out that he was the one for me. He’s even told me on a few occasions that he wasn’t closed to the idea of marriage to me. I don’t wanna sit around and wait so I don’t plan on it, but all this just hurts like hell. Crying off and on. It was so unexpected. Especially after spending such an amazing and intimate time with him.
I don’t know really what tondo at this point.
Any update on your story?
I’m fed up of boyfriend saying if he ever came into money he would leave the country even though he says he loves me .
im sorry to admit that im going through this very thing now & its been a reoccurring cycle .ive been dumped over &over for about 2 years now. just when i reach a day or two that i dont ache for him , he returns unannounced to reinstall himself. i ask why are you here and he says nothing and endures the cold reception i try to give. my friends hate how he treats me . rather than fight me on it ,they leave us alone & it goes back to him wasting my resources & builds to him being constantly vague & ambiguous . no plans are ever made. ive grown to not expect anything from him. hes nice to me when its convienient to him & when hes wrecked all other parts of his life. hes a constant liar ,so i cant believe a word that comes out his mouth & i know in my clear mind that hes not to be trusted with anything. yet im familiar with his smell & i hate that im so weak. i wouldnt tolerate any of my friends having a relationship like this.id intervene & mess it all up for them ,in short order. i cant resist & so ive been going thru the shitty relationship thats useless & i go through the guilt of being a big dummie over & over. i am aware that it is wasting my time & peace of mind & that its preventing me from being open to the person in my future that really can love me in a way that is constructive.i think a geographical is a possible solution.
At some point in life we just have to be aware of our worthy so that we avoid people undermining us. So my dear there is someone out there waiting for your love to be appreciated
E x a c t l y , I am going through the exact same thing Has a Ton of great qualities But ghost me , I Know he haw avoidant personality disorder And I Do Really believe he is a Covert Narcissist Look up Avoidant personality disorder .
Sounds like my marriage….
Mine too
My girlfriend has never introduced me to any of her friends and family members. And we only get to have a serious chat when she’s about to ask for a favour, money to be specific. She will never initiate a conversation and even if I do she acts bored and looks any opportunity to end the conversation.
Dump her !
I am going through this as well in my marriage. He doesn’t treat me as his priority. He is always indulged in work and when I stop talking to him is when he starts crying and asks to talk. He used to do this to me before marriage and I refused another guy for him but now I am in constant guilt and I’m unable to stand him in a house.
Wow reading this & this sounds like my relationship now, nearly 2yrs together, I just feel like I’m there for him when he needs me but don’t get much in return, when I love I always give it my all but have had my heart broken so many times that it just feels normal now. All I want is to be a part of someone’s life that is gonna treat me the way I treat them, which is love, compassion & a priority, just wish if he wasn’t interested then let me go & find someone that does, why can’t they be a man about it? And if he does love me then to show it, how hard is that?? I’m not asking for the world just to be loved & shown