If you are lucky enough to find yourself in a romantic relationship with someone you are stable with, then you need to be grateful. You have something that most other people spend years trying to find. So, make sure that you don’t take this relationship for granted.
And if you are even luckier enough to have your relationship last to the point where you and your partner start talking about having kids, then you know that things are really getting serious. However, you have to note that the deeper you get into your relationship, then the heavier your responsibilities are going to be. And these responsibilities aren’t things that you want to be taking lightly.
When you are broaching the topic of having kids, then that’s great. It means that you have great love for one another and you want to be able to manifest that love by having a child. However, you have to know that there are many discussions to be had about having a child before you actually decide to do it. You must know what you and your partner need to talk about before you decide on bringing a new life into this world.
Naturally, it’s not always going to be so easy whenever you are forced to put your thoughts and feelings out there for your partner to see. It might make you uncomfortable. But these discussions are absolutely necessary if you want o do things right. You don’t want to do the irresponsible thing by getting pregnant without first thinking about how you’re going to be raising your future baby. You are putting your relationship and the life of the baby at risk by doing so.
That is why you must always be open to having a few difficult conversations and discussions surrounding these particular topics before you decide on having a kid.
“Raising children is a lot of work, and can add extra emotional strain on a relationship if you aren’t on the same page,” says David Bennett, a certified counselor and relationship expert. “So, facts and beliefs that may not have mattered as much before children take on more importance after children.”
You might believe that your partner should just inherently know everything about you at this point. But that is rarely ever the case. Throughout the tenure of your relationship, you must always make it a point of getting to know each other better. There are still things about one another that you will discover along the way. And you can’t just assume that you’re always going to be on the same page without first talking to one another.
Having kids isn’t necessarily a requirement in taking your relationship to the next level. There are many couples out there who find joy, fulfillment, and comfort in their relationships without having kids. But if this is the definite route that you and your partner want to take, then you need to do your due diligence first. Be adults and be mature about it.
Here are a few discussions that you and your partner might want to have before you actually have kids:
1. Your philosophies on discipline.
Raising a child is going to be hard when you’re not on the same page with your partner. You must always be talking about what kind of parenting styles you will want to employ on your kid as they’re growing up.
2. Your financial habits and values.
Having kids can be expensive. You can’t delude yourselves into thinking that you can raise a child on love alone. You have to talk about how you’re both going to manage your finances with a kid in the picture.
3. Your expectations for your relationship after having kids.
Your relationship is going to go through some changes after you have kids. And you have to talk about the expectations that you have for one another so that you are both on the same page on this.
4. Your feelings about your own upbringing.
There will be times that you will want to share stories about your own childhood so that you can provide your partner perspective on the type of parent that you would want to become yourself.
5. Your history of mental health.
Mental health is going to play a very big role in parenting. And unless you’re willing to confront the demons that may reside in your mind, it might be best to hold off on having kids for the moment.
6. How you’re going to handle sleep deprivation.
You’re going to lose a lot of sleep once you have a newborn baby in the house. And you’re going to have to talk about what you both can do to alleviate the discomforts associated with sleep deprivation.
7. How you will handle your careers moving forward.
And of course, having kids might alter the career paths that you have set for yourselves. It’s important to talk about how your career paths are going to go as you try to raise a child together.
