7 Things You Need To Ask Yourself Before Returning To An Old Flame

Are you sure you want to go back?

We have all experienced it in one way or another. We have all been tempted at some point in our lives to return to an old flame. Call it nostalgia. Call it desperation. Call it downright emotional irresponsibility. But hey, it happens. So what do we do whenever we’re faced with these situations? How do we fight off these feelings? It can get particularly difficult when you’re ex is the one who is putting in all of the effort to rekindle the old flame. You’re left to ponder whether you should entertain the idea of letting your ex back into your life or not. What are things that you have to consider? How can you come to a decision on this matter?

Of course, the answer isn’t going to be just purely black and white. It’s going to be much more complex than that. There are many variables that you have to consider. Of course, if things are worth giving a shot again, then why not? But you also don’t want to risk repeating the same mistakes that you made in the past. If it didn’t work before, then it shouldn’t work now either, right? Well, the answer isn’t always going to be so obvious. You have a lot of thinking and reflecting ahead of you and yes, it’s going to be irritating.

Every relationship is unique like a snowflake and so obviously, couples are going to break up because of a number of possible reasons. And in some cases, what these couples will need is just a little separation to get the fire going again. And so it would be a good idea in this scenario to get back together. So how do you know if it’s a good idea altogether? How can you be sure that things are going to be different this time around?

1. What is the reason that you broke up in the first place?

Before you consider getting back together, you are going to have to try to remember your breakup. You have to think about the reasons why your relationship ended in the first place. Are those reasons still probably going to resurface if you get back together again? If so, then you shouldn’t get back together. You would only be wasting your time. But if you find that you have matured to a place where you are able to overlook those reasons, then maybe it’s going to be worth the shot. 

2. What has changed between the both of you since your breakup?

One great indicator of whether things are going to be different this time around is if there have been radical shifts or changes in your personalities. If you find that the both of you have somehow changed or matured substantially, then maybe you can make things work this time around especially if you know that immaturity played a big role in your initial breakup. 

3. Are either of you only acting out from a place of loneliness and desperation?

Sometimes, a lot of couples will choose to get back together just for the sake of being in a relationship. They are afraid or ashamed of living life as a single person, and so they will grab at any opportunity to be in a relationship again even if it means getting back together with someone they’re not right for. You both have to genuinely want to get back together if you’re going to push through with things. You shouldn’t be acting from a place of fear or desperation. 

4. Are you still harboring any ill feelings towards your ex from the past?

If you still hate your ex for all those things that they did to you in the past, then it’s obvious that you shouldn’t get back together. Your relationship is never going to work if you can’t get past previous faults and wrongdoings. 

5. Do you have the potential to get back to that sweet spot in the relationship?

Can you somehow get back to where you used to be before everything turned for the worst? Do you have what it takes within you to revitalize the honeymoon phase of your previous relationship? If the answer is no, then you probably shouldn’t be getting back together then. You shouldn’t be forcing the issue if the chances look grim. 

6. Do you have reasonable expectations for the relationship?

Maybe you’re hoping for the impossible. Maybe you’re asking for too much. Perhaps you’re assuming that things are going to be so much more different than before even though there’s no reason to do so. You have to be able to keep your expectations in check. Be realistic. You don’t want to go into a renewed relationship with clouded judgement.

7. Are you both operating on the same page?

And lastly and most importantly you both have to be operating on the same page. You can’t afford giving things another try if you’re not going to be seeing eye to eye. You have to be operating on the same wavelengths if you want a shot at making things work this time around. 

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Have you thought of going back? Talk to me in the comments below!

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