Sex can feel magical when you have it with the right person. No one can deny the fact that sex is one the best ways to get as connected and as close to your partner as is possible. The sensual pleasure is intense enough to make you and your partner weak in the knees. The stress relieving effects that a fantastic episode of love-making will have on a couple can feel more satisfying than anything else in the world. When you’re in a relationship with someone, the kind of sex life the two of you have tells much, much more about the relationship than you may realize.
The fact of the matter is that when two human beings get stark naked in bed for sex, there are at their the most vulnerable at that moment. Your body is your temple, it is a vessel for your soul, and when you undress and let someone lay their eyes and their hands on it, you know there’s something very special between the two of you. Of course, that doesn’t apply to everyone all the time because casual sex is a thing now. But, even the experience of a one-night stand can tell you a lot about the person you’ve had sex with.
Because we’re in a whole different level of love and lust during sex, the things you and your partner do it bed together will bring so many things to the surface; these things won’t always be about rainbows and butterflies, they won’t always make you blush like crazy. Sometimes, these are the problems that the two of you choose to ignore and not talk about in your day-to-day life. Love-making will highlight the issues that are anything but romantic. It can actually be very hurtful.
When there are moments that just don’t feel right during something as private and intimate as sex, it can really keep a person up all night in frustration, emotional discomfort and sadness because no one wants to cope with a lousy sex life. Sex can stir up all kind of sentiments and make them noticeable even while a person may be trying to hide them from their partner; toxic thoughts and actions, problems currently going on in the relationship, traumas from the past, etc. etc.
Sex should feel pleasant and effortless. If this experience begins to feel stressful to you in anyway, if the time you and your partner are spending under the sheets just doesn’t feel right to you, then there are things you need to figure out in your relationship. You’re going to sit your partner down and talk things out with them. Sex should be a healthy experience, and sometimes, we have to work towards setting things straight in our sex life. Here are some thoughts you may have during sex that need to be recognized as a warning sign of a problem:
1. I’m not at all turned on:
Your sex life can start to feel insipid really quickly if you or your significant other is expecting sex to be super fun and exciting without doing anything at all to make it enjoyable for yourselves. Although this could be a big reason for either of you not feeling turned on, it surely doesn’t apply to all similar situations. If your body is not responding to theirs the way it should during sex, that’s a big problem. It could be your sex drive, it could be that you’re not feeling as attracted to them lately and it could be a lot of other things, but you need to think about this. It’s a very unhealthy thought to have during sex.
2. Do I look good enough?
It is very natural to feel the tiniest bit concerned about your outer appearance while you’re in bed with someone but are you worried about how your body looks during sex? Are you so insecure that you can’t even enjoy sex? If yes, then there’s something seriously wrong.
3. Why are we not kissing?
Do you feel the absence of kissing, hugging, caressing, holding, cuddling and genuine passion during sex? If you are, this is a major red flag. Address it with your partner.
4. Do they even appreciate any of this?
If you’re feeling unloved, unappreciated, undervalued and disrespected the entire experience will go from pleasurable to miserable for you. It is very saddening to feel that way in bed. Maybe it’s your partner’s suppressed resentment towards you that is surfacing at that moment during sex.
5. This is super uncomfortable:
It could be trauma from your past, it could be something your partner is doing, or it could just be you but whatever it is, feeling uneasy in bed is a total red flag. Before things can get even worse for you, think about what’s going wrong.
6. I guess I’m going to have to fake another orgasm:
We’re all guilty of faking an orgasm at some point in our lives, and that’s okay. But if you’re in a position where you’re straight up pretending to love sex while you’re really not feeling it, that not okay. It suggests numerous issues you could be having, like the absence of honest communication for one. Many psychological and physiological factors can hinder you from achieving orgasms which is why this one may not be the easiest to solve, but it is worth looking into, for a much better sex life.
7. They’re being too rough:
Do you feel like you’re being borderline manhandles by him/her during sex? Are they being too fast, too wild even when you’re asking them to stop or slow down? Depending on your preferences, saying rude things can be a big turn on for some, but if you feel like they’re passing comments that you never really asked for, then it can be very insulting because dirty talk comes with mutual agreement. If their moves and their words make you feel degraded, if their behavior feels like they’re releasing bottled-up bitterness then you need to step back immediately and confront them about this.
These red flags don’t have to result in a break-up, but they do certainly mean that a couple must have a candid, heart-to-heart conversation about sex.